r/recovery

2 years off coke and 4 years off psychedelics I'm working on alcohol now I have gone 1 month so far and feel amazing

I’ve been in and out of NA for the last 4 years. I like attending meetings, I like the friends I’ve made, I love the higher power and spirituality.
The thing I don’t love, is complete abstinence. I truly feel like I can have a glass of wine every once in a while and not go into oblivion and use like I did in my worst days. I truly do not believe I have a problem with alcohol.
We like to say “take what you like but leave the rest” but I feel like a fraud for feeling this way. And attending meetings anyways. I love the friendship. Idk. Just struggling with this. And if this program is still the best way for me in my life right now.
Does it have to be all or nothing?

I'm doing some research into life after addiction/recovery, and I'm particularly interested in something that doesn't seem to get talked about as much:

What happens after the immediate crisis is over?

You get sober. You stop using. You get through treatment. Things get more stable.

But then what?

How do you build a life that actually feels meaningful?

I'm interested in hearing from people who have been sober/clean for a while and have experienced the transition from simply staying sober to actually building a life they enjoy.

A few questions I'm curious about:

• What was the hardest part of life after getting sober?

• Did you struggle with boredom, lack of structure, loneliness or lack of purpose?

• What helped you start building a new identity or lifestyle?

• Did exercise, sport, work, hobbies, travel or community play a role?

• What do you wish you'd had when you were further along in your recovery?

I'm not offering treatment or trying to sell anything. I'm simply trying to understand people's experiences because I think there's an interesting gap between getting sober and building a life you genuinely want to live.

If you'd rather answer privately, I'm happy to have a short conversation as well.

My subconscious is literally out to get me. I just woke up drenched in sweat at 4 in the morning because my brain decided to simulate a wildly realistic relapse

It takes a solid minute of staring at the ceiling in the dark before the panic finally subsides and you realize you didn't actually throw away 11 months of hard work

A therapist told me back when I was doing my inpatient stay at discovery point retreat that these dreams are basically just the nervous system taking out the garbage. I completely rolled my eyes at the time because it sounded so cheesy, but im clinging to that logic right now just to calm my heart rate down

Its just so frustrating to wake up feeling visceral, crushing guilt for something you didn't even do in real life. does this actually fade out the longer you stay clean, or am i just stuck with these random midnight heart attacks forever?

today marks 4 weeks clean from Kratom extracts, 7oH tablets, weed, nicotine, kava, and Kanna. These habits Drained all of my motivation as well as all of my savings/retirement accounts within the last year alone from spending $350-400 a day.

For the entirety of the last year I was smoking 5g of weed a day, and 2 packs of swishers(so 4 a day), on top of taking 500mg of 7oh tablets, 900mg of mitragynine kratom extracts, 1100mg of kava extracts, and 200mg of concentrated kanna every single day.

Since draining all of my accounts I couldn’t afford rehab, helper meds, or to taper, and the first 10 days still feel like a fever dream where the only reasons I didn’t relapse were because I couldn’t afford to do so, and physically couldn’t leave my home to get more even if I could afford it. Im So tired of being dependent on substances to manage my anxiety, and finally after 4 weeks clean I feel like I genuinely want to keep going.

Still lacking any/all motivation to improve a lot of other areas of my life, but this small step in the right direction is the push I needed to at least start the process. I’d say I’m maybe 5-10% back to “normal” but the physical withdrawals have at least subsided by this point, and now I’ve been taking more walks, reading more books, and getting better overall sleep than I have in a decade. Now I’m just biding my time until the mental withdrawals stop and the motivation to be creative comes back, which is what I relied on substances the most for.

I know everyone’s story different, but if my experience can give even one person the peace of mind to keep going or to even just start then that’s enough of a reason to share.

Been clean off meth and all other substances for four years. Two days ago I contacted an old dealer(it’s really impossible to eliminate their presence completely)
Had him blocked and everything but completely back slid four years of progress.

I’ve gotten a good job in the four years I’ve been clean. Got married and had two kids. I kept my kids completely separate from my stupid decisions for anyone wondering.

The last six months were particularly rough, my wife had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized and moved away for four and half months and left me alone out of the blue. We have very little support system and I had to pick up the pieces of everything.
We were considering divorce, our kids are little and high energy. It was a lot while working full time.
I’ve basically been trying to hold everything together and be perfect since my kids were born.

I’ve been in therapy for a year and a half and by the end I was feeling completely unheard. She was basically leaning into getting a divorce with my wife. I love my wife and we have reconciled and moved back in together.

I was open with the therapist about temptation that would come up when things got overly stressful and that I had tried SSRI’s and didn’t like how they made me feel, I also tried Wellbutrin.
I thought maybe I have adhd and Adderall might help me by being able to follow the doctors orders and plans.

I had a couple slip ups when my wife and I first got together but was always able to stop after one time.
I’m trying to give myself grace because in the past I’ve been extremely hard on myself basically feeling like a very shitty human all the time.
I know this was not okay at all so I’m still feeling a lot of that shitiness.

I was doing excellent for four years but temptation was always there. I know it’s not the life I want, It was just like for a minute I went back to my old addict self and said screw it and that’s a bit scary.
Judgments, comments and advice welcome. ✌️

Edit: I’ve been off it for 4 days already and have 5 days to go. Hi guys, I’m currently in suboxone withdrawl, early stages which is why I’m posting now before it gets too severe and I stop giving AF. I am 5 years clean from IV black use. And I am just waiting on my insurance to approve the new sublocade shot I’ve heard so many good things about. I’ve been on MAT for these 5 years and take 24 mg suboxone daily. I had to lend a few to a friend because she had a problem with her insurance and was having some bad cravings and I was hoping to have my shot approved before needing another script however that doesn’t seem to be the case. I can’t fill my script until the 20 or 21 so 5 days. I have no support system or anyone I can have help me thru this because unfortunately my friends don’t ever have my back the way I have theirs. (The struggle of being an empath) how am I going to get through this? I do have Red Bali Kratom but I don’t know really how to dose it for withdrawls. I am a single mother of two beautiful girls under the age of 10 who adore and depend on me and I swore since I got them back I’d break the cycle of addiction that got me taken away from my parents but I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next few days all by myself. I also suffer from Major depressive disorder, ptsd, and BPD (borderline personality disorder) yes I already know I’m crazy and have it managed with mood stabilizers lol but I’m a mama first and this is me reaching out for help because right now I am very weak.

*sorry for the long post but yall I can’t lose my babies and everything I’ve worked so hard for again.

Midnight called it! A month ago I thought there was no way. Fuck it, 24 hours ago I thought I didn’t have a chance . Honestly posting these updates has really helped. What I’ve learned in one week. Boredom is my biggest enemy(besides my own brain). I think I need to get out of my hometown lol, and it’s worth it no matter the pain. The pain I caused myself and everyone around me using is a small fraction of the physical/mental pain of withdrawal. Thanks for the support everyone. A week was huge for me it was my goal, I guess my next one is one month? One year? 10 years? I’m working as much as I can to stay busy. Shout out to the family who still talks to me and you guys. This means everything to me right now. I truly appreciate all the support and messages/comments everyone has sent me. I fucking did it!!!!

Hey there somebody, I’m currently stuck in this ongoing opiate cycle for about 8 years now, it was easier when it was just H but now with all the new stuff out here I feel like I can’t do it, especially with how long it takes to be able to take suboxone with out the precipitated withdrawala. I use to get on 8mg of suboxone just after 12 hours from my last use and just half my dose each day for a week and I would feel normal after that. that being said, I’m scared of losing my job to have to wait to be able to take suboxone. like I can’t put my life on pause to do that. I have no money and barely able to get by due to my usage. I’m scared of going to the methadone clinic and end up being stuck on that for who knows how long, after reading about people not being able to come off it. I’m just so exhausted I don’t know what to do, if feels like there is no end to this... For those of you who beat it, which way did you do it? Im seriously ready to come off this stuff. I just want to make my family’s life easier and be there for them. Thanks for those who take the time to hear me out.

Is it going well? fuck no. The anxiety, depression and cravings have gotten so bad. I know I can do it, but it’s so fucking hard. I want this so bad. I’m tired of being a disappointment to my loved one. I’m tired of being broke. I’m just fucking tired. I’m here though I’m doing the thing. I am praying to whatever to get through tomorrow so I can post a week, right now that’s my only goal.

I TAKE A BREAK FROM MY REGULAR QUEUE OF SOBRIETY MEMES TO DELIVER THIS THOUGHT…
WHEN DID SPIRITUALITY, NOT RELIGION, BECOME VIEWED AS EVIL?
So many online recovery thumpers into thought control, quick to ridicule and condemn anything contrary to THEIR perception of recovery! Heaven forbid anything that differs from their perception of truth and process. “If it varies it is harmful” they proclaim. We are a community of individuals who all have their own story, own bottom and their own journey. We listen and accept those around the table and bully those online. I applaud anyone who has the will and courage to stand up with their own voice vs those who throw stones. NO ONE HAS A MONOPOLY ON RECOVERY, NO ONE SHOE FITS ALL!

If so, was this the first substance you became addicted to?

72 was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 3 fucking days is so crazy to me. My plug actually texted me asking me if I was good. I blocked the number. This day was by far the hardest but I did it. 3 days…3 miserable days but I fucking did it. Honestly will probably see you guys tomorrow. Sleeping is impossible. My cravings are unbelievably bad I fooled myself thinking day 1 would be the worst. Once again if I can do 3 days you absolutely can!!!