I’ve talked to this girl every day for almost 4 years, but I have no idea what we actually are
I’ve known this girl since 9th grade. She apparently liked me back then, but I didn’t realize it. After 10th, we started talking every single day, and literally not a single day has gone by without us talking for almost 4 years.
We went to different schools/streams after 10th, but stayed extremely close. We talk about everything — family, problems, random daily stuff, gossip, basically our entire lives. There were even nights when I stayed awake until 2–3 AM just to talk to her and say goodnight.
Over time, I developed real feelings for her. I eventually told her. She said whatever she felt was only until 9th and that she didn’t want a relationship. I accepted that, but later she randomly said, “I like you too.”
That confused me even more.
We continued talking every day like nothing happened. She has given me a lot of mixed signals over the years, but whenever the topic of actually dating comes up, she says “I want to be single.”
I’ve even caught myself trying to become “perfect” for her, hoping maybe someday she’ll want me. She’s now in Delhi for college, and I’m scared that eventually she’ll meet someone else and I’ll lose the possibility of us ever being together.
I know she doesn’t owe me a relationship. I know she’s allowed to want to be single. And I don’t want to pressure her.
But after almost four years of talking every single day, hearing “I like you too” and then “I want to be single” has completely messed with my head.
I genuinely love her, but I don’t know whether I’m holding onto something that could actually happen someday or just something I’ve built up in my own head.
What would you do in my situation?