u/dokari_for_u

10 yoe Working in a tier one city. Literally done with the current job. Got asked why I took sick leave last week - 1st in 6 months btw. Manager questioned my work, skills, proactiveness, leadership. I countered where I was not wrong and didnt hold back, but it made me realise it was all for nothing, just petty office politics. I built confidence (atleast I thought so) on the clients, management - only to find out it was all a hoax. Felt so betrayed and disappointed last week - slept on the thought multiple times. Sleep schedule affected badly. I am seriously considering packing up all my stuff and quitting my job. Go to my home and do something there - this trade off of mental peace is not worth it at all. I see others face the same thing in my company - sometimes I hold myself back from taking the step and sometimes It infuriates me more when I think about it. I am asking myself if it is an impulsive decision or something which is good for me.

I am 31 years old. From past 10 months, I was actively preparing for a career switch side by side - I cook really good and started a kitchen in my society as an experiment. Got great reviews - currently non operational due to flat Owner. I know if I go back home - I can continue this and earn decent - not in the figures I am earning here.

Feel at crossroads as to how should I approach this? I am really done with the current job, because of package no other companies giving a call back for interview (saying its over budget for them). I can stay longer in this company and role but I know mentally I would be fucked. This role needs me to be in office 5x a week, with shift work applicable as well.

Any suggestions - you can be brutally honest/critical too.

10 yoe Working in a tier one city. Literally done with the current job. Got asked why I took sick leave last week - 1st in 6 months btw. Manager questioned my work, skills, proactiveness, leadership. I countered where I was not wrong and didnt hold back, but it made me realise it was all for nothing, just petty office politics. I built confidence (atleast I thought so) on the clients, management - only to find out it was all a hoax. Felt so betrayed and disappointed last week - slept on the thought multiple times. Sleep schedule affected badly. I am seriously considering packing up all my stuff and quitting my job. Go to my home and do something there - this trade off of mental peace is not worth it at all. I see others face the same thing in my company - sometimes I hold myself back from taking the step and sometimes It infuriates me more when I think about it. I am asking myself if it is an impulsive decision or something which is good for me.

I am 31 years old. From past 10 months, I was actively preparing for a career switch side by side - I cook really good and started a kitchen in my society as an experiment. Got great reviews - currently non operational due to flat Owner. I know if I go back home - I can continue this and earn decent - not in the figures I am earning here.

Feel at crossroads as to how should I approach this? I am really done with the current job, because of package no other companies giving a call back for interview (saying its over budget for them). I can stay longer in this company and role but I know mentally I would be fucked. This role needs me to be in office 5x a week, with shift work applicable as well.

Any suggestions - you can be brutally honest/critical too.

I work with my US counterparts - same position, same role but the reality on ground is so different than what sees a normal eye.

US Folks get to have 2 projects max - when they get one more, they have the confidence to raise it to their management/Project Owners of their bandwidth that they cannot take anything extra - people support them and respects their boundaries and WLB. On top of it, they get paid 3x-4x then what I earn in India - all with a Remote work. No compulsion to come to office.

Now in India - my team has a norm of 3-4 projects at the very minimum. Anyone having 2 is looked upon like he/she has committed some sort of a crime. Some have even 6 projects running and they have to manage all these. I guess we have stopped treating labours as humans. Why isn't there equality all across the workforce? Why people treat employees differently based on geographical regions? I have to be in office 3x a week at minimum - if I don't show up I am asked by my manager where was I. When I share this with my US teammates - they hate it and ask to step in, but I know nothing is going to change. We are really labourers working here just to earn our bread and butter.

So, today was leg day.

Started my workout on a very solid note — great form, great pump, fully charged up. Started with RDLs and man… those hamstrings were getting absolutely destroyed. 😂

Racked the plates and barbell back where they belonged.

50 minutes in, I was on the final leg of my workout (LOL) — Leg Press. Finished my last set, stood up, walked around for a few minutes… and completely forgot to rack the plates back to the non-active stand.

A girl approached me with a smile and I thought, well, nice workout is ending on a good note, not bad haaan?. NO!!!. I had my music on full blast, so I assumed she was asking if I was using the Leg Press.

I politely said, “No.”

She asked again, “Are you sure?”

I said yes.

She asked a third time with a serious look.

At this point, I finally removed my earphones and realised… she was asking me to rack the weights I had left behind. 💀

I understood what she was asking and asked if she wanted me to remove the weights. She just nodded.

I did it with my best guilty face and later clarified that I genuinely misunderstood what she was saying because of my earphones.

She also proactively educated me about gym discipline. I didn't argue — I accepted that I had messed up.

I usually try to re-rack my weights after every exercise, so this was genuinely just a brain-fart moment. Happens on Leg days ig 🤷🏻‍♂️

Lesson learned: Leg day apparently also trains humility. 😂

Rack your weights, people. Don't be like OP.

Long post, but bear with me.

I joined a reputed product company earlier this year. On the surface, the culture looked amazing—friendly managers, approachable leadership, lots of smiles and handshakes.

Then I realised those daily greetings were also attendance checks. Managers would later point out, “You weren’t at your desk when I came,” to call out people who arrived late. Since then, I noticed how much emphasis was placed on when you came, when you left, and whether you were visible on the floor—not the quality of your work.

The culture shock didn’t stop there. Many employees, including people with 14-15 years of experience, address managers as “Sir” and “Ma’am.” Some practically worship leadership. A recent promotion was widely believed to have more to do with visibility and pleasing management than merit.

The unofficial cheat code to become a favourite seems to be:

- Call everyone “Sir/Ma’am.”
- Reach before your shift starts so you don’t miss greeting leadership.
- Never disagree.
- Come to office more than required.
- Take as little leave as possible.
- Keep track of who comes and goes.
- Support every policy without questioning it.

Meanwhile, if you’re someone who simply wants to do good work and go home, you’ll probably never make that list.

Recently, leadership mandated that everyone be in office for the entire hybrid shift—not because of business needs, but seemingly so attendance could be monitored.
Ironically, teams in the same company operate almost fully remote, while my US/EU counterparts rarely visit an office and are judged by outcomes, not seat time.

My issue isn’t hybrid work. It’s the micromanagement, obsession with visibility, and disconnect between the “people-first” culture that’s advertised and what’s actually practised.
This make me wonder why so many Indian workplaces still value obedience and optics over trust and performance.

TL;DR: Expected a people-first culture, got micromanagement, favoritism, and presenteeism instead. My experience shows how a company’s advertised culture doesn’t match the reality.

Have a budget of 20k INR for ANC Headphones/Earphones.

Looking for really good Sound quality, build and ANC.

Hi All,

-- Long post ahead, please bear with me (used ChatGPT for framing my thoughts)--

M31 here. I work at a product-based company and earn upwards of 2L/month. Financially, I’m stable now, and I know that itself is a privilege.

But the reason I’m posting is because of how my father’s relationship with money and the stock market has impacted me psychologically — both as a person and as an investor.

Ever since I was a kid, I remember strange things happening at home. My mother would leave for my nani’s place for days or weeks, and I’d stay with her. Then my father would come for 1–2 days, convince us to return, and life would go back to “normal.”

As a child, I didn’t understand what was going on. In my teens, I slowly realised the core issue: my father was heavily investing/trading in the stock market and regularly making losses. My mother was constantly frustrated because despite having a stable government job, there was never “money” for basic things.

My father works in a state government job, became gazetted during COVID, and is now just 2–3 years away from retirement.

Growing up, anytime we asked for something basic — a car, home renovation, cupboards, repairs — the response was always:
“Beta paise kahan se aayenge?”
“Teri shaadi ke time karenge.”

And this wasn’t because we were poor.

It was because most of his money kept going into the market.

The frustrating part is that he always believed “one day” things would turn around. Meanwhile, the family adjusted, compromised, and lived with guilt — as if we were demanding too much.

Last year something inside me finally snapped.

I asked him about getting cupboards installed at home. Again, same response:
“Abhi kya zaroorat hai?”

I had no issue spending my own money. But I realised he had started assuming that since I now earn well, he could continue investing endlessly without accountability. I on my part helped my younger brother in his every financial need and currently support him and my mother in anything they want/need. I dont feel bad about this part and it actually makes me happy thinking I am there for them.

My mother had asked him multiple times over the years to clearly show where the money was going. He never did.

That day I lost my temper and directly asked:
“Where is the money actually going?”

He got angry, took out a pen and paper, and said he’d show everything in 1–2 days.

When he finally came back with the numbers, I was stunned.

He had invested around 55 lakhs into the stock market over the years.

I genuinely went blank.

For years, we were made to feel like the family had “financial limitations,” while in reality huge amounts of money were continuously being poured into the market with little to show for it.

Last year he again promised he’d reduce/stop.

But Pata hai aaj kya hua I checked my mailbox randomly (my email is linked to his CA/trading accounts), and I still see regular investments every week or two — 20–30k minimum each time.

At this point, I’ve honestly given up trying to change him. I’ve stopped arguing. Stopped explaining. Stopped expecting.

But the bigger issue is what this entire experience has done to me mentally.

I’ve developed a very unhealthy relationship with money and investing.

I’m scared of investing aggressively because somewhere deep down I fear becoming like my father — constantly averaging losses while convincing myself it’ll work out “someday.”

Even when I earn well, I hesitate to make financial decisions confidently. I randomly put money into mutual funds and barely look at them. My XIRR right now is around 4.5%.

Logically, I know investing is important. But emotionally, money feels tied to stress, fights, secrecy, guilt, and instability.

Has anyone else grown up around financially obsessive parents or gambling-like investing behaviour?
How did you rebuild a healthy mindset around money and investing afterward?

Hi All,

I’m a 31-year-old unmarried male working in a Tier-1 city away from my family. Earn well and have a decent life here.

Things at home have been emotionally draining for quite some time now, and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it anymore.

I’m the elder son. My father has mostly stayed emotionally disconnected over the years and seems to only care about financial matters. My mother, meanwhile, has become increasingly frustrated and often says she feels like leaving everything behind and living alone.

My brother and I try our best to support her emotionally. I’ve encouraged her to focus more on herself and slowly she started spending time on things like terrace gardening, keeping fishes, etc. We also have a dog at home who genuinely comforts her a lot.

I’ve asked her many times to come stay with me for a few days for a change of environment, but she refuses because she doesn’t want to leave her plants and our dog alone at home - at this point I cannot argue because she takes care of them solely.

What worries me the most is her health. She’s 55 now, barely walks, overthinks constantly, and doesn’t really focus on herself physically.

Today she told me that the reason for the problems in our family is that I’m still unmarried, and that things would somehow become better if I got married.

I didn’t argue, but it genuinely hurt to hear that. In fact, one of the reasons I delayed marriage was because I didn’t want another person to walk into an already emotionally exhausting environment.

Another thing that’s been affecting her lately is my father making comments like “go ask your son for money” whenever household expenses come up. I feel hearing such things repeatedly has added to her frustration, and somewhere that emotional burden is now getting redirected toward me too.

Recently, she also finalized some gold jewellery she had wanted for a long time and asked me to pay for it. I truly don’t mind spending on her, but I’m confused whether this is the right financial decision right now or if it’s emotionally driven because of everything happening around her lately.

At the same time, if I say no, I know she’ll feel hurt and abandoned.

I feel stuck between responsibilities, guilt, and trying to emotionally support everyone from a distance.

Would really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve gone through something similar.

--- Long Post, bear with me ---

Hi All,

I’m a 31-year-old unmarried male working in a Tier-1 city away from home.

Things at home have become emotionally exhausting. My father has mostly been emotionally absent for years and only seems to care about money. My mother, on the other hand, has become increasingly frustrated with life and often talks about leaving everything and living alone.

My brother and I try our best to support her. She recently picked up hobbies like gardening and keeping fishes, and we also have a dog who comforts her. I’ve asked her to come stay with me for a change, but she refuses because of them.

What worries me most is her health. She’s 55, barely walks, overthinks constantly, and doesn’t really focus on herself.

Today she told me the family problems are because I’m not married yet and that things would improve if I got married. Honestly, that hurt. One reason I delayed marriage was because I didn’t want another person entering an already stressful environment.

My father has also started making comments like “go ask your son for money” during household discussions, which I think has affected my mother emotionally too.

Now she wants to buy some gold jewellery she had been planning for a while and asked me to pay for it. I don’t mind spending on her, but I’m confused whether this is the right decision financially or emotionally driven because of everything happening around her.

At this point I just feel stuck between responsibilities, guilt, and trying to emotionally support everyone from a distance.

Would appreciate perspectives from people who’ve dealt with similar family situations.