u/doomedisi

My sister[early 20s] surfers from childhood trauma from her parents arguing and bickering all the time and eventually getting divorce. Especially, her father being very tough on her to the point that now, even as an adult she gets startled very easily and goes into fits of what I would describe as parental PTSD during pressure situations and when anyone is raising their voice even in the slightest. This has left her at a very big disadvantage career wise because she can't handle work pressure at all.

If you folks know someone who specialized in these specific things and takes in person sessions [because I feel it might be more beneficial] could you guys please help me with a recommendation? Thank you!

I have been taking therapy on zoom since about 5 months now. I am using a therapy service aggregator platform thingy for this and my experience so far has been very underwhelming to say the least. My first therapist was with me for 3 months and vibes were just off. I got a feeling she wasn't all that interested in knowing me judging from the fact that she used to forget a lot of things that had been discussed in the previous sessions. This was my first experience with therapy so I wasn't really sure how it is supposed to go. Then one day, she texted me that she is leaving the organization and won't be able to continue with me. The platform will pair me with another therapist and I just need to give consent to share her notes with the new therapist. I was honestly kinda relieved because I thinking about asking for a change myself. So my sessions with my first ever therapist ended very abruptly just like that and the only thing that I took from it ( because it was reiterated over and over ) was "I need to be learn to not be too critical of myself and whenever the critical voice is about to take over I need to dissociate. And only when I have learnt to be neutral will I be able to leave some space for kindness towards myself and then eventually forgiveness"

I did not make notes during these session because I was not really sure if that is something I was supposed to do and tbh I'm very lazy person. So yeah, I kinda "consumed" therapy as just another self help podcast and I really didn't act on any of the advices. They didn't seem very tangible to me and It really boiled down to "please control your thoughts". Well, how?

I also wasn't completely honest with her in this stint. I struggle with crypto trading addiction and I relapsed once during these session and didn't tell her. So, I think I fucked up the whole thing in a way.

Anyway, I was assigned a new therapist and she seemed fun and more jovial which was a contrast to the first one and she I immediately felt more heard but as the sessions have went on I don't see a cohesive structure to the sessions and the things we discuss feel a bit disjointed (kinda like this post sorry english is like my 3rd language). And again, I barely make any notes now and think about whatever was discussed once the session ends because the topics are uncomfortable to think about.

IDK where I'm getting at with this but I honestly have not seen any major change in myself or any major insight delivered or a breakthrough or whatever so far. I'm sure my passive nature with consuming therapy like just another podcast is to be blamed for this majorly but I don't know how do I make it work.

My therapist has said I don't need stress over therapy as another thing I'm failing at but I honestly am failing. I get more anxious as my therapy day approaches in the week and I feel like I'm disappointing yet another person with my actions (or lack there of).

The Queen3369 youtube channel has honestly been more helpful to me than therapy in terms of reshaping my thoughts a bit ( and only a tiny bit)

sorry if this is not the sub for this and I don't even know what I need advise with anymore.

Dude I just don't put any effort into anything and just cry and whine about everything. I don't want to be this way but so far have not been able to figure out how. My therapist says you're just too afraid of disappointing people/others that you don't even try which ends up disappointing them anyway. can anybody relate? how does one overcome this?

sorry for the vagueness I'm just too goddamn tired.

vamos

I was never really a smart kid growing up but could manage to mug up answers so that I could just puke them out in the exams and that served me well enough to fake through adult life and get a job. In academia, even in the few concepts I thought I did really understand, my curiosity would just phase out after scrapping the surface and eventually as an adult I barely remember anything.

This has ofcourse worried me throughout my life but off late (think 4-5 years) I have been severely addicted to content, so much so that I cannot take a shower, eat lunch or go to sleep without some or the other podcast/retrospective/audiobook/video essay playing in the background. I think I just treat most of these as white noise because I phase in and out of actually listening to what is being said and just meander into my own thoughts. Even the ones I do pay attention to I completely forget about in like just 2-3hrs. This makes me think do I have a clinical condition or is it just that I don't stop consuming content and because of which I don't remember anything.

for example: A true crime podcast that I would listen to at 6 in the evening, At 10 in the night I couldn't even remember the names or the place or sometimes even the outlines of the plot.

I want to improve my knowledge retaining capabilities because otherwise I think like I'm living like walking into Alzheimer's at 28. Does anyone here suffer from something similar? what has helped? Is this a clinical condition? Any insights would be appreciated.

Sorry if this type of posts are not allowed on this sub. If someone can suggest which subs I can find real help in it would be appreciated. Thanks you!

P.S. I can't seem to post on any subs because of low karma but I have deleted previous reddit account in order to get rid of the algorithm itself.