u/dreamdweller28

Hi,im 24M, last year after my college ended and my gf ended relationship over a minor situation. Since then,at home a lot of things happened to me and I'm kinda stuck in this loop.

This might be a long read and i thank anyone's reading till the end. Everytime i tried asking about this matter i didn't get any help from anyone. Hopefully i found this sub, and I'm looking for a genuine suggestion.

Basically she was a different state girl and approached me cuz of my frnds said i had a crush on her , to her frnds. We kept talkin' n in a week she wanted to get into relationship. I'm not a person who wants such type suddenly frndship turning into relationship all within a week i tired making her understand fr weeks she cried and said no one loves her all kinds of drama. Then j said yes, she was so lovey dovey n all. But one day she opened about her past n i said I don't care what's your past as long as people from your past are in our current life. She agreed but after months she said she had fwb with a person of her frnd group. Which i said i don't want you guys hanging out I'm not comfortable with it, even though it happened few years back it was very messy situation fr her and she's not comfortable talking about it, so i said if you are not comfortable so I'm too n i don't want ppl frm Either of our past to be in our lives. She always sided with him every time quarrel came up with this matter n i got so many insulting remarks n i so many times wanted to break up as i felt it was too insulting. But i stayed. She did avoid this guy in personal contact but kept saying that he was best frnd fr her and frm same place he will tell all my frnds about this matter. Once her girl frnds said to him they're having problems still this guy purposefully spoke to me as if nothing happened and purposefully talk to her infront of me. These things made me so insecure about myself. I was getting emotional n i left my college opportunity last year as she was upset she didn't get good marks.

She kept saying it was traumatic episode and wanna forget about it, she legit attempted suicide when she got to know he was in a relationship this was few months back my relationship. My point is if a person affects you This much and doesn't give a shit about you why spoil a relationship ehen you are getting everything. Fast forward to home , she broke up saying you are all good but this one thing I'm not okay with it you bringing up my past, but i thought it ws my mistake fr getting angry despite saying he chose to take pics with her hands on her arms n all,now i do feel i overreactdd but she made me feel so much insecure with the way she treated her frnds and me.

She kept coming back and texting me every now and them after break up over her needs i helped her , meanwhile shr went on dates and kept telling me these things to hurt me more so many times i asked jist block n leave don't message me fr ur helps. She didn't, one day she called and cried to study together fr cat exam i agreed and since then we were kinda having normal talks attempting mocks and so many things. After exam i thought of asking her to reconsider the decision and meanwhile i tried everything to become confident in myself worked on my appearance got into good shape, i fixed my skin, i started making new friends. Exam happened it went bad for both, but still she insisted we'll apply to all colleges together, i believed. Fast forward to couple of months, she says she was in a relationship since 6-7 months, it's serious and he's working. She's moving to foreign fr ms. that too right after she got to know i had my most important college interview whivh i obviously fucked it up listening to this.

My 8 months got fucked up thinking i will fix things between her, now i blocked her everywhere as her boyfriend called me up and said, he gave a closure about which she didn't give, she says we were childish, but now I'm happy with him, i don't want any talks between us. I said him that frm my side nothing will be there, she was the one who kept texting fr her needs.

My issue is, since last year i kept blaming myself, fr every single thing ng, every time i watch something i keep connecting my relationship to tht scene and keep feeling guilty as i was as a toxic person infront of her frnds her family,my frnds, i don't know how to come out of it, i started to feel so shameless of myself despite i gave her genuine love, and it's not that she didn't, listening that she only got into relationship because of her frnds were and that guy she had fwb was im one, she got into mine. But i can't blame her either, i was a wrong person.

I was never such person who wanted this fake flirting and relationship and ending in 1 year or so,i just wsnted a peaceful relationship like the ome she's giving this guy, i really wanted to marry her, and i distanced my female friends despite no past with any of them as she was feeling insecure.

I am in this loop of constant guilt, now I'm joining my mba college which we dreamt of joining together. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the toxic person, i wish i was like this before, i completely lost intrest im in a relationship. This affected me much far than what I thought. Thank you in advance if anyone read till here.

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