u/exhaustedpopcorn

Hi, im a 19 year old university student and this is my first post here. I went through the typical “very extroverted as a kid, became more reserved the older I got” pipeline. I am also late diagnosed, my family didn’t really believe in autism being a spectrum and everything and was confused on why i suspected i had it (same for adhd) and I actually got diagnosed at school. I got my autism diagnosis in december last year and my adhd diagnosis this august.

I unfortunately downloaded discord at a very young age (10 years old 😭) and have been on it ever since, and had high highs and low lows. And naturally i found myself preferring online friends more than in person ones. However in middle school I was lucky to have some extremely close irl friends but i unfortunately lost contact with them.

In 2020, I met someone on demon slayer TikTok and wr exchanged discords and instantly meshed.
Soon we both grew out of demon slayer and realized what other interests we shared, and it was like ever since that we were glued to each other. We had so much in common (black, afab, felt ostracised growing up, suspected being neurodivergent, and all of the fandoms we liked) and that was the first time i felt like someone truly “got” me. We unfortunately had a fallout in spring 2024, but that summer we reconciled. However, january of this year, things ended horribly and for good (i dont wanna get into it).

But basically, while i have had close and cherished relationships before, that was the closest I have ever felt to someone and my brain just craves finding someone that is just exactly like me in a way. But i know that dumping all of your eggs into one basket is wrong. I have been strengthening my relationships with my other online friends but I feel bad its not as “close” and we dont have too many overlapping interests, even though i know logically thats dumb because how can I expect to get closer to someone if I don’t talk to them? And i also know that close bonds take time and its stupid for me to expect a super deep bond right away.

This is the part I struggle with the most though, I dont even try when it comes to real life. I’m a second year in college and didnt put that much effort into making friends. The main reason was that I was still glued to that one ex friend at the time, but also, I psyched myself out of trying because I was used to being judged for liking “nerdy” things that i assumed everyone in a 3 mile radius was a love island enjoyer lmao

But whenever I would try to open up about my interests, I would get discouraged when its something they have never heard of and would immediately feel awkward whenever I would try to explain it.

Sorry for the long yap, i know you’re probably thinking “okay, what is your point”

I guess what im trying to say is that I grew up very chronically online and my social skills got nuked in middle school, and i tried to only pursue friendships with fellow “nerdy” people or just people I have a lot in common with. But I’m too scared to put myself out there in real life. Idk if the whole “only wanting to be friends with people really similar to you” is an autism thing; I was actually nervous to assume my autism played a role in any of this and thought this was just a consequence of growing up online.

I hope I made any sense at all, sorry for the rambling

Ok i hope i dont get crucified for this but i really wanna know 😭🙏🏾

Like seriously i will see someone’s really cool nos design on here and there will always be at least one condescending ass “ermm not ugly enough nice try” comment

And im just like, surely there are ways a character can still look horrifying without just being a bald sack of flesh and teeth lolol

Like dont get me wrong yeah some ppl might be a lil too afraid to make their nosferatu a lil ugly but i think some people severely underestimate what would look gross and terrifying if you actually saw it face to face, like a lot of designs may look tame to you personally due to the artist’s art style but its a different story to the mortal who actually has to look at them LOL

EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: im not saying they shouldnt look ugly trust me ik thats bs, i just feel like some people think if they dont look like count orlok they are automatically supermodels
Like there are many other ways a character can look unnerving and be a walking masquerade breach

Im trying to flesh out my Lasombra shovelhead’s background a bit more, so I wanted to hear how you guys’ sabbat characters, both shovelheads and not shovelheads, ended up as members of a pack.

Just a quick rundown of my lasombra:

She was a regular mortal who moved to Atlanta in the mid 90s. Being a 22 year old transplant struggling to make ends meet in the current economy, she ended up meeting a “businesswoman” who offered her a job selling pills.

Things were going well those first few months but after a really traumatic experience with her parents, tina started using those pills to cope and as she got addicted she started eating into her own supply and owing money.

She tried to quit without paying off her debts which angered her boss and she was gonna just have her killed
But the sabbat needed bodies for an upcoming siege so she just embraced her as a shovelhead instead and threw her in the mass grave with the rest of em

She miraculously didn’t immediately die and ends up becoming true sabbat and joining a pack, but im still trying to flesh out how

So i wanted to hear you guys’s characters stories for inspiration

for me its: tzimisce, malkavian, and ravnos

IGN: floren
Map: Blizzard world
Pc or console: PC

ok so i know i made a LOT of mistakes this game. so before i made mistakes of rotating too long to set up dives and completely being out of the fight. i tried to apply advice i recieved and in this game be way more aggressive and commit to kills this time and i think i helped somewhat but i also fed a lot this game. now when i die i do see in the split moment "oh yeah i wasnt timing my dives with my team" or "i was wildly out of position". I also had a horrific fumble at the end when i got nano which secured the loss 😭🙏🏾 but overall i wanna see everything that caused the loss and how i can do better.

So I’ve had my locs for almost 2 years now. Im going to get my retwist tomorrow and i was just going to get 2 strands like I always do (theyre comfortable and im just more used to them). My mom wanted me to get another one of those half barrel twisted styles where the front is twisted and the rest is styled normally, kind similar to what i had for graduation. (I can attach a picture in the comments if anyone is confused)

The style is cute but i really didn’t like it because it just didn’t really fit me that much also i cant freaking stand the itch. Its so bad. Im trying to explain that to my mom but she just thinks im being dramatic

Ok aside from asking about how to deal with the itch im just gonna rant:

Im sorry im just so irritated 😭😭😭 For starters I actually know how to retwist my own hair now. Its still a bit awkward and it doesn’t look as “neat” but it works and lasts long since i just do basic 2 strands. The reason im going to a loctician this time is because im actually at my grandmother’s place and she knows a lady who retwists my older cousin’s locs. She includes washes and her prices are very fair. That and my mom wants my hair to look more “professional” since I start my new job next week. She thinks two strands just wont look as “polished” (side note my manager

literally fucking has locs herself). Oh yeah she also thinks barrel twists will last longer.

Oh yeah and the worst part is shes not even paying for it!! My grandmother is! Also I am 18 now 😭

Sorry for sounding dramatic its just i am extremely tender headed due to my sensory issues and am dreading having to keep that style in for more than 3-4 days