u/faralite

We were arguing in her bedroom and she called me the most hideous thing she has ever laid her eyes on, and how she wishes she never gave birth to me and how she could have “never gave into my dads requests for a child or entertained them.” Well then!

My dad is pretty ugly. Really ugly. Just going to say it as it is, that paired with his horrid attitude has caused him to lose jobs and connections he otherwise would have had just for being a white man. he didn’t have a real partner until he settled for my mother who is 2 years older than him and had adult two children from a previous marriage, while also being a chain smoker. I look exactly like him, unfortunately. He’s also an abusive pos so I have the right to say this

My mother isn’t exactly beautiful either though…lowkey never was. I come from very shitty genetic material, I’ve tried to be optimistic and hopeful but I just can’t deny the reality of it. My dads side of the family is extremely masculine and heavy set naturally, my moms side of the family is basically the same thing…I never had a chance.

My parents are both people who had no business whatsoever having children. Didn’t even bother to save up money for me to go to college despite being in their 40’s when they had me and despite the fact that I’m my father’s only child. The monster couldn’t even get a car for me.

I just hate them both. Despise them.

I’m 18, I smoked two packs a day sense I was 17. I can’t handle the guilt and regret I feel, I can’t even put it into words. I feel like I permanently ruined myself and my looks for nothing.

It was extremely unsettling and eerie, it was just silence broken by a guttural wail and scream then the song abruptly stopped. All I remember was it had Florida in the title, and maybe a date? Like Florida 1990 or something

I am honestly at a loss for words. This might be poorly written and frantically typed out but I’m honestly too angry to even care. Ever sense I was a little girl, I knew my mother was off. A good amount of people who also have to live with the unfortunate reality of having a narcissistic parent describe something akin to a lightbulb moment where they suddenly put two and two together and realize they’re parent is abusive, either in their 20’s or later years…I’ve never had that. It’s like I always instinctively knew my mother was an awful, rotten person. I never once held any sort of admiration for her, there was always a disconnect. Anyways, I was researching fasd for an essay I’m working on and I realized I have some of the facial features and behavioral traits, so I confront my mom about it. In response all she had to say was “oh lord no!! You are perfect, I only had THREE glasses of wine with you. I prepped my body before I conceived you.” I already knew she smoked during pregnancy as she is a chain smoker and has been my entire life…but this was a shock. And there’s absolutely no excuse. My mom and my dad have endlessly chastised me my entire life about my anxiety, attention issues that they refused to acknowledge or address and my depression. Lo and behold, it could very well be their fault entirely. Between my mother’s age when she had me, her actively trying to get pregnant, and her ex profession as a nurse, it’s clear to me my parents are absolute garbage and selfish monsters.

I jgot into another argument with my mother as per usual, I don’t know if this is exclusive to narcissists because of the lies and illusions they live in to protect themselves from reality and truth…but my mom will just flat out say things that aren’t true even when I have the evidence that states the exact opposite in my hand, I swear to god this woman could say and genuinely convince herself the sky is purple. During this argument, she called me stupid, I replied “well thank god I’m not pregnant with a pedophile’s baby at 17 stupid.” Her eyes became almost demonic and lit up in anger, and she got in my face and started screaming “my *ex husband’s name* was not a peodphile!! Should I tell *her other two sons whom she smear campaigns against me with her bullshit* what you have to say??” For added context, one of her sons (my half brother, unfortunately who is a man three decades older than me.) has come over here, threatened to beat me, screamed out racial slurs at me (I’m not black??) and tried to convert me with fear that I will “burn in hell.” After a suicide attempt his own mother caused and even tried to sit my own father down and tell him how to raise his own daughter (me.) so obviously this immediately sends me straight into panic mode, I tell her that if he comes over here again threatening me I will call the police. She immediately starts calling me stupid again for even daring to call her husband (whom..is dead and remarried before he died? Never mind the fact that she’s married to my dad now but I digress.) mind you, this man was in his 20’s and my mom 17 when she got pregnant with her eldest son. She argued at me to look up the definition of a pedophile, I did and lo and behold, he fits that description to a T. She still tried to call me ignorant though, of course.