u/fartexploder420

This is the only community i trust to not tell me what I want to hear
Right now I feel like an ugly woman pretending to be a man. I don’t even feel like I deserve to call myself a man. I have gender dysphoria and there are a few changes on T so far that I’ve liked, namely some new arm hair and bottom growth + a small voice change. But there are times when I feel like I should detransition because it would make my life easier, even though detransitioning is really the last thing I want to do.

Sometimes I fear I’m not actually trans. And I don’t feel that way because I like being trans, as a matter of fact I hate being trans. But I hated being a girl more. I see other trans men have amazing transitions and I wonder, why can’t that be me? Why am I stuck here being fat with a baby face and receding chin? Better question, why couldn’t I just have been born a cis male and not have to deal with all this shit?

I won’t self diagnose but I’ve been wondering if I have ocd due to struggles with intrusive thoughts and impulsive behavior, sometimes related to being trans. If that’s true maybe that could be a part of why I’m struggling

Honestly I really just want to know if I’m alone in this, how I can cope with it, and if the struggle stops as I keep going through with transition. Sorry that this post is kind of a mess

Hi there, I’m currently trying to build up my art skills and build a portfolio to submit to an art school to study animation. My target school is Calarts (though I accept that I may not get there, I’m still going to try my best), and they have a workshop this summer, but it’s a thousand dollars. Which as a 19 year old saving up to move out of state, I simply don’t have.

The thing I really need to train my skills in is gesture drawing and life drawing. Any recommendations for a more affordable online course that’ll help me improve on this? Thanks :)