u/feltqtmightdlt

Ive listened to the audio book and have been working on this for a few years. Some things are WAY better, some things are a struggle.

Recently I've gotten fixated on being fat, and that I don't want to be fat, i want to be fit, lose weight, gain muscle, increase flexibility, improve mobility, etc. Most of that is great. It's the fixation on fat/weight loss that I am stuck on. It is turning into a loop that is causing a lot of distress and i am struging to let it go.

I no longer have fear foods, the food noise is overall much much quieter, I eat more regularly and more balanced.

I still over eat at meal times. I will literally say "I am so full!" Then proceed to eat more. Occasionally I leave some on my plate, but not often. I will sometimes even get seconds after I am absolutely stuffed. This is a struggle for me, because I am deliberately ignoring fullness queues. I have no desire or intention to deprive myself, but the deliberate over eating at meal times is also distressing.

Recently ive started saying things like "maybe I should stop eating" and "i don't want to be fat" or to my partner "stop feeding me delicious food" and today "you just want me to be fat and happy." My partner doesn't care at all about my weight, as long as I'm happy, healthy, and capable of doing what i need/want to do, which i mostly am.

I don't know where to go from here besides the gym. I have gained muscle since we started the garden, which is cool. I think i need to do something about hormones because im 44 and having some perimeno symptoms. Ugh. It's just a struggle rn. Feels like going backward.

How do you let go of the inner weightloss loop and desire to lose weight? How do you increase movement and exercise without it turning into a push for weightloss or getting burned out on a routine? How do you stop over eating at meal times when you recognize fullness then intentionally push yourself past pleasantly full to uncomfortably full without it turning into restriction?

I am audhd, my partner is autistic.

Our relationship is mostly good, but we have been under a variety of stresses related to income.

I feel like, due to my adhd tendencies, that I increase his stress and anxiety and make it so much worse.

For example after I had a complete meltdown I gave notice at my job with no new job lined up and a plan for self employment that I have 2-3 months to execute (before i need to ask him/my parents for help/get another job). I know this has spiked his stress and anxiety, but he's not really talking about it, because asking me to stay in the job triggered a meltdown. Derp.

We had left catfood in my car. We didn't immediately need it when we bought it, so left it until we did. Well today we need it. I am at work. Catfood is still in my car. I live too far for me to run it home on a lunch break. He told me last night we needed to get it out of the car before the morning. That never happened. He didn't get mad at me or anything, but as soon as he told me the cats were bothering him because they needed food I started feeling really horrible and started having bad thoughts and urges.

I have come to the irrational conclusion we should not be together because clearly I just cause more stress and anxiety in his life and there are certain things about me that are never going to change.

So, uh, I dunno. Not feeling great rn.

This is my last week of work. I don't understand why I have to put in notice if I want to be rehirable within a company, but they can just fire me? Maybe employers should be concerned about how former employees view them?

Anyway it was quit or drag it out until I'm more miserable and fired anyway. Just no incentive to even try to do a good job after they took my wfh away.

So yeah, that's my current life.

Over the weekend my partner, a couple friends, and I dug 500 sq ft of a new garden bed. That was exciting. We're also building an herb spiral. Excited for that. My personal goal is to reduce grocery expenses to almost nothing.

I have 8 million ideas, goals, and dreams I'm finally going to have time and energy to manifest.

Other interesting things about me liberal, borderline anarcho punk. Artist, witch, weirdo. I collect bones, crystals, feathers, and things. I have 4 cats, a high energy dogcathorsegoat, an adult child, and an awesome partner.

I like reading fantasy novels, witchy books, and self development books. I'm currently playing totk (my first ever Zelda game), but I'm taking a break. Low key feel like video games are a cold weather activity, cuz I like to be doing shit in nice weather

Looking forward to growing food, having free time, reading, making shit, doing cool stuff, being even weirder.

You should be close-ish to my age. Liberal. Keep it SFW. Open to conversation on a variety of topics that may last 5 minutes, or could last 5 years, or even 5 lifetimes. Eh I'd mostly like someone to keep me company during my last few days of work.

It's Friday. On Tuesday I gave notice and next Friday is my last day, a week beforemy borfday. Low key feel like I jumped off a cliff in a baby bird learning to fly kind of way.

I'm bored and checked out of my job.

I'm dipping my toes, time, and interests into half a dozen other ways to make money because this audhd weirdo ain't cut out for a 9-5 after they took my wfh away.

Interests are wild, weird, and varied. Bones, crystals, witch shit. Art, illustration, design. Books and books and books. Nature and shit.

Politically liberal anarcho punk.

Happily partnered. This is a SFW zone ONLY.

Other things im into: sharing an ungodly amount of reels and tiktok videos, Epic!: The Musical, and horses.

You should be close to my age, down for an unspecified length of conversation (could be 5 minutes, might be 5 years), politically liberal, capable of keeping it sfw.

This is an update to my previous post considering fmla or quitting.

I spiraled so hard this weekend I started to consider inpatient. I started throwing all my stuff away and destroyed some of my paintings then literally ran away, all that in betweenperiods of being completely catatonic.

I was going to come in and put in my two weeks notice and live on a hope and a prayer that things work out. I had such anxiety when I woke up this morning about all of it.

Instead I accidentally got to work half an hour early and decided to try something different. I went to my manager and requested Ada accommodations. She had no idea what that meant and said she'd have to talk to the director and I said that's fine. I then submitted the request via email to them both.

My request was that I will wfh 5 days/we, except for monthly meetings. I will not be dinged for lapses in time as long as I get my work done during my scheduled hours.

I have an adhd diagnosis, not an official autism one, and really it's the adhd that's the issue more than autism.

So anyway I did the hard thing instead of torpedoing my life and putting unnecessary hardship on my partner and parents to possibly have to financially support me.

If they don't agree to the accommodations I'm going to consider if I have a lawsuit.