u/firewatch959

It’s my first time on any kind of ssri, I’m taking it for depression and anxiety and executive function. The first day was rough - I had a headache and diarrhea and extreme nausea, my eyes felt slow, like I couldn’t track things quickly. But the second day was much better and I actually had the gumption to clean up several messes that had been bugging me for months/ years. I still get a few bad thoughts and I still hesitate when I’m obligated to do stuff, but I don’t spiral for hours and hours- more like a few seconds. Big improvement, would recommend to anyone who struggles with negative thought spirals and executive dysfunction.

I need to find a line of work that makes more sense for me. I got 32/36 on the ACT so I’m not dumb but I have basically zero executive function and emotional regulation so I make terrible impulsive decisions and get super depressed and locked in my head over stuff. On the ESQ-R I am in the 99.98th percentile for executive dysfunction. I have been on a waiting list for four years to get a doctor and I’ve gone to emergency room twice in the last year for psychiatric issues trying to get referred to a psychiatrist for a real diagnosis.

I made it through my 20’s by busking and playing music with different bands, but then COVID happened and nobody goes out or carries cash anymore, so busking became impossible for me. I was drawing portraits for a while but with all the image generators out there now there’s no market for that anymore. I had to go into carpentry labour to make ends meet. I have been puking with anxiety most mornings before work for years now. I can’t sustain this anymore. Is there any line of work that might make sense for me?

I found out about the ESQ-R self administered screening test and According to that I have extreme executive dysfunction and emotional dysregulation. 99.98% percentile level disorder. Does anyone else have this issue to this extent? Are there jobs that are doable for someone like me? Is this level of dysfunction a recognized disability?

Well, I just found out about the some self assessment tests for different aspects of mental health and I took the ASDS and the RAADSR and ESQR to try to assess myself for ADHD and executive disfunction and autism and I scored ridiculously high on all of these tests and it seems like I should have been given these tests 25 years ago because I’ve suffered through more than two decades of anxiety attacks puking every day before work and not fitting in and having no close friends for for decades because I guess my parents were too proud or something to get their kid assessed and then for how many years I didn’t even know that these tests existed if this wasn’t even an option for me. I’m just so mad at all the people that all the teachers that could’ve seen that I was so far off from normal and yet I did not get the support that I clearly need according to these tests.