u/fostercaresurvivor

I’m a classic story, prodromal but functional for a while, then age of full onset/really florid psychosis right before my second year of university. Homelessness, police, the hospital, the whole thing, for years. All my peers from high school are starting their careers or in grad school now, while I’m a dropout without a career living off disability pay. My little sister is a lawyer.

I feel like such a scrounger now. I’m constantly hitting up my few remaining friends (since I lost almost everyone and every good thing in my life when I became psychotic) for food. I beg on Facebook for groceries, I beg on Reddit for pantry goods from Amazon. I deal with hunger and with not being able to afford basic hygiene like period products. I feel so ashamed. I grew up with poverty and in foster care (which means I have no family to turn to and no connection with my siblings) and I really thought things would turn around when I got a little older. I thought I’d be able to work and provide for myself and never have to be hungry or go homeless again.

I’m just posting this to vent, I guess. It really sucks. I feel like I did everything “right”, never messed around with drugs, never skipped school, never got into trouble, and my life still sucks. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work, so I feel like I’m trapped in this cycle I’ll never break out of.

I grew up in deep poverty, including in foster care. When I aged out partway through 12th grade I was homeless. I got amazing grades and did a bunch of extracurriculars and volunteer work, even when I was homeless, and that combined with my story won me a $50,000 university scholarship. I thought I’d go and get a degree and have a job where I’d never have to worry about feeding myself or about where I was going to sleep.

But life basically turned around and kicked me in the teeth. I had a great first year of university, 4.3 GPA, working as a research assistant in the faculty of family medicine, the whole nine yards, but over the summer I got sick. I’d been having paranoid and suspicious thoughts for a while, but it started to spiral as I began having more and more fears, and began hearing voices a lot of the time instead of just occasionally. To make a long story short, I ended up dropping out, losing my job, experiencing chronic homelessness, being hospitalized many times, and ended up diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I take medicine, I see therapists, I get injections, I do everything “right”, but I didn’t get better, or at least I haven’t yet.

Now I have such severe symptoms I’m unable to hold down a real job. I work 4-ish hours a week in a training cafe for people with disabilities, where they’re luckily extremely patient and kind, but I haven’t been able to get or keep anything full time. I’m on disability payments, and I’m grateful the program exists, but it’s very very little money to survive on. I use the food bank once a month, which is as often as Feed NS food banks allow you to. I feel like such a scrounger, constantly asking my few remaining friends—who are my age and now out of uni starting their careers—if I can have a little money for groceries. I beg on Facebook for food, I beg on Reddit for Amazon grocery items, I’m desperate enough that I’ve come really close to panhandling for change. It’s like my life is all about how I’ll afford my next meal.

I feel so screwed over. I never messed around with drugs, I never skipped school or did anything “wrong”, and this is what my life has come to, with no prospects of it ever changing since I doubt I’ll ever be able to finish school or work a job on the open job market.

I guess I’m looking for advice, or commiseration if anyone else here is on disability. Local resources would also be appreciated. I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

I originally posted this on r/Food_Pantry, but the mods told me that the sub isn't active any more, so I thought I'd share it here.

I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia for a while, but despite taking medicine, seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and even getting regular injections of antipsychotic drugs, I wasn't getting better--until I had a manic episode a couple of weeks ago. This led my psychiatrist to realize that I actually have schizoaffective disorder. Because of my symptoms (paranoid and suspicious thoughts, and hearing voices other people don't) it's been almost impossible to hold down a job, or even to go outside. Because of that, I mostly live off disability. I'm really grateful the program exists to help people like me. At the same time, it isn't a lot of money to live off of, and Canada doesn't have food stamps or anything similar.

I relied financially on my partner, who was also disabled but more able to work than I am. We were planning to get married. Unfortunately our relationship ended a couple months ago, which was obviously a serious blow to me both emotionally and practically, and which probably influenced my manic episode. Since the breakup I've used local food banks as often as I'm allowed to, which in Halifax, NS, where I live, is once a month. When my symptoms aren't making it impossible to leave the house, I access community meals/soup kitchens, but it can be really difficult and frightening for me to be around other people, even the very kind people who volunteer at community meals.

I don't have a lot of people to rely on. I aged out of foster care after entering due to sexual abuse. I unfortunately didn't find permanency while I was in foster care. A lot of young adults my age are living with their parents, or receive help from them, like being able to go to their family's house for dinner occasionally. I don't have any of that, and I don't really have many people I can turn to for advice or help. And when I began experiencing psychosis, I also began experiencing a lot of mental health stigma--formerly close friends wanted nothing to do with me when I went from being a high-achieving, employed university student and became a homeless terrified person muttering to myself. I don't have a lot of the safety nets that some other people have.

I would really appreciate help getting some food. An amazingly kind person on r/Assistance helped me recently with four cans of beans, a bag of rice, and two shakers of salt. This help touched my heart and also my stomach, because it meant I had enough to eat for a little while, something I don't always experience.

I made an Amazon list with some pantry staples like pancake mix, peanut butter, canned beans, applesauce pouches. It also has a couple luxuries like juice and tea and spices.

Even if you aren't able to help me out with food, I want to say thank you for reading this. Having the opportunity to get some of this off my chest and to feel heard by caring people means a lot. Thank you. https://www.amazon.ca/hz/wishlist/ls/3K6FWBTOJ8LG?ref_=wl_share

Very newly diagnosed as schizoaffective after a previous diagnosis as schizophrenic. I had, I guess, a mixed mood episode recently, and in hindsight I think I've had many--I recall in the hospital a year or two ago sobbing hysterically while saying "I've never, ever felt happier!"

I've been trying to improve my health in general. Obviously, I don't expect lifestyle changes to replace the antipsychotics I take, and I plan to continue to adhere to them and continue getting therapy and seeing my psychiatrist. It's important to me to stay well. I've been on antipsychotics for nearly a decade at this point, and like a lot of people, I gained a lot of weight and became prediabetic and developed hypertension. I want to make lifestyle changes to improve my overall health, with the idea that maybe feeling better physically will translate to feeling better mentally.

My apartment building has a gym, and I went today. I'm going to try to go every couple of days, and get out for sun for at least a few minutes even on days I'm not exercising. I want to keep my goals achievable. For my diet, I'm trying to eat at least three servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit a day, and trying to include protein in every meal. I've largely stopped buying junk food like chips or cookies, and I don't eat out (which is made easier by the fact I'm on disability and can't really afford it.)

I sometimes--well, often--struggle with executive function. I guess I have pretty bad avolition. I don't really brush my teeth or shower enough. (Something else I'm working on.) So cooking every day can be kind of challenging. I've tried to find easy recipes to make the healthy lifestyle thing a little easier. What are you folks cooking and eating?

Very newly diagnosed as schizoaffective after a previous diagnosis as schizophrenic. I had, I guess, a mixed mood episode recently, and in hindsight I think I've had many--I recall in the hospital a year or two ago sobbing hysterically while saying "I've never, ever felt happier!"

I've been trying to improve my health in general. Obviously, I don't expect lifestyle changes to replace the antipsychotics I take, and I plan to continue to adhere to them and continue getting therapy and seeing my psychiatrist. It's important to me to stay well. I've been on antipsychotics for nearly a decade at this point, and like a lot of people, I gained a lot of weight and became prediabetic and developed hypertension. I want to make lifestyle changes to improve my overall health, with the idea that maybe feeling better physically will translate to feeling better mentally.

My apartment building has a gym, and I went today. I'm going to try to go every couple of days, and get out for sun for at least a few minutes even on days I'm not exercising. I want to keep my goals achievable. For my diet, I'm trying to eat at least three servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit a day, and trying to include protein in every meal. I've largely stopped buying junk food like chips or cookies, and I don't eat out (which is made easier by the fact I'm on disability and can't really afford it.)

I sometimes--well, often--struggle with executive function. I guess I have pretty bad avolition. I don't really brush my teeth or shower enough. (Something else I'm working on.) So cooking every day can be kind of challenging. I've tried to find easy recipes to make the healthy lifestyle thing a little easier. What are you folks cooking and eating?

I posted seeking help with food two days ago, and a very kind person reached out and bought me four cans of beans (two each of great Northern and red kidney), a bag of rice, and two shakers of sea salt. I’m so so grateful, without you I wouldn’t have this food to eat. I’m so thankful from the bottom of my heart.

I have schizophrenia that isn't particularly well-managed, even though I see doctors and get therapy and take medicine. I do everything they tell me, but I still hear voices every day, which makes it nearly impossible to work. I've been in the hospital twice because of my voices in just the last couple of weeks. Because of my mental illness, I live off disability, which is, as we all know, not a ton of money. Things are really tight at the best of times, and right now isn't the best of times.

I was in a very serious relationship for a while, with a partner who was more financially stable than I am, but our relationship ended a couple of months ago. We were even planning to get married. I was really blindsided by the breakup, and it had financial implications on top of the emotional ones.

I live cheque to cheque. I use the food bank as often as I'm allowed, which in Halifax, NS, where I live, is once a month, and I go to free community meals/soup kitchens when my mental health symptoms aren't so severe I can't go out. I was hoping for help with some healthy food. I'm trying hard to eat well because I know healthy eating is important for mental health. I made an Amazon list with some healthy food. My list is mainly rice and canned beans, plus some no-sugar-added fruit/applesauce, oatmeal, and some condiments to jazz up the beans and rice.

https://www.amazon.ca/hz/wishlist/ls/1ZPMLZNWRJYJJ?ref_=wl_share

Also, if anyone on here happened to be a Haligonian and would prefer to drop something off that way, I'd appreciate that too. I'm honestly not a picky eater and would appreciate anything.

I'm wondering if anyone has recommendations for local herbalists, Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners, acupuncturists, basically any kind of alternative medicine practitioners who have experience with what's been labelled mental health issues or particularly with hearing voices. The more affordable the better.

For context--I've heard voices since 2020, and in the last two weeks they've been worse than ever. I've tried everything you're "supposed to" try. I see a psychiatrist. I get Abilify Maintena injections. I take 10mgs of Olanzapine. I've been to the ER twice in the last week. I get a CBT-P session every six weeks. I see an emotion-focused counselor every week to try to manage stress. I took a Hearing Voices class. I went to a Hearing Voices group. Nothing has worked. I still hear voices every day. I'm getting desperate for any kind of alternative that will help me.