u/fullovesht

Does anyone else feel like a lot of lesbian/queer women’s spaces in NYC are still very white dominated?

I’m a black lesbian and a native New Yorker, and while I want to put myself out there more, I’ve noticed that a lot of lesbian bars/events don’t always feel as inclusive as they’re marketed to be. Often times, the vibe feels very cliquey, Uptight, and weird transplant-heavy, and as a person of color it can feel like I’m entering a space where I’m technically “allowed,” but not necessarily welcomed.

For other black lesbians/queer women of color in NYC, where do you actually feel comfortable going? Are there bars, events, parties, meetups, or spaces that feel more genuinely inclusive and less awkward/cliquey?

Im thinking of majoring in art education, however im worried about the job prospects in nyc. I'd eventually teach in NYC public schools or perhaps do museum education. For those who've gone this route, is the salary actually livable in New York City? How does the pay scale work, and does it improve significantly with experience or additional credentials? Any insight from NY art teachers specifically would be really helpful.

So my mother kind of soft launched her queerness after a lifetime of treating my own like it was some disgusting and shameful thing. Idk how to feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Im posting this here because this sub is mainly for women, and i feel like I'd be understood a little better here.

​

I work in an office part time and have been dealing with a pattern of harassment from a coworker I'll call Steve.

Steve started repeatedly inserting himself into conversations I was having with other coworkers and making weirdly overly familiar comments towards me since he first arrived. But after finding out i was a lesbian, he got weirder and his behaviors escalated. He began to make comments about my sexuality ,things like referencing his "horny bisexual friends," making comments about lesbian friends and how horny they are and claiming to be queer himself as a joke to try appear desirable in a disgusting way in what felt like attempts to get a reaction or relate. This happens consistently and he inserts himself into conversations that have nothing to do with him, i was speaking about menstrual cycles with another female coworker and here comes Steve...he also makes jokes at my expense as he does all this.

He also used personal information I shared privately with someone else that he overheard to make jokes at my expense as well. I think he genuinely thinks that he's being funny. He also has this habit of coming into the room and just staring at me for extended periods of time and then leaving.

There was also an incident where he physically blocked me from leaving after I'd been cleared to do so by another coworker, he claimed that I wasn't actually cleared.

Most recently he made sexuality comments during a shift in front of me and another coworker, which felt like the clearest and most documentable incident so far.

I'm considering going to HR but I'm nervous about retaliation. The workplace dynamic is already complicated because it seems like everyone's been weird lately.. Has anyone navigated something like this? Did going to HR help or make things worse? Should I just cut my losses and exit?

I work in an office part time and have been dealing with a pattern of harassment from a coworker I'll call Steve.

Steve started repeatedly inserting himself into conversations I was having with other coworkers and making weirdly overly familiar comments towards me since he first arrived. But after finding out i was a lesbian, he got weirder and his behaviors escalated. He began to make comments about my sexuality ,things like referencing his "horny bisexual friends," making comments about lesbian friends and how horny they are and claiming to be queer himself as a joke to try appear desirable in a disgusting way in what felt like attempts to get a reaction or relate. This happens consistently and he inserts himself into conversations that have nothing to do with him, i was speaking about menstrual cycles with another female coworker and here comes Steve...he also makes jokes at my expense as he does all this.

He also used personal information I shared privately with someone else that he overheard to make jokes at my expense as well. I think he genuinely thinks that he's being funny. He also has this habit of coming into he room and just staring at me for extended periods of time and then leaving.

There was also an incident where he physically blocked me from leaving after I'd been cleared to do so by another coworker, he claimed that I wasn't actually cleared.

Most recently he made sexuality comments during a shift in front of me and another coworker, which felt like the clearest and most documentable incident so far.

I'm considering going to HR but I'm nervous about retaliation. The workplace dynamic is already complicated because it seems like everyone's been weird lately.. Has anyone navigated something like this? Did going to HR help or make things worse?

This is a totally novice question, ive never used a strap before. When it comes to casual hook ups, do you buy a new toy each time, or do you expect the other person to have their own toy for you to put into the harness? I personally don't feel comfy using my personal toys on someone or having a "community strap" and sharing toys between partners even with proper cleaning, so i was wondering what everyone else does.

Also....harness or briefs?