u/fungitoecheese

TIA!

I am wanting to divorce my narcissistic liar husband. We have young children together but I can't put up with it anymore. I do not have a degree. Only graduated HS. I worked as a teen before I got pregnant, but those were just small jobs here and there.

We do not make a lot of money so it's been hard for me to add to my secret savings. I don't have any familial support and I just don't know what to do. I just know I can not keep living like this.

If you have any advice please give it to me. I don't want to waste any more of my life with this man. He is a compulsive liar, can not for the life of him admit when he's lying even when it's CLEAR that he is telling a lie, and he flips a switch. Like sometime he is nice and fine. Then if I catch him in a lie and stat questioning things he flips it on me. "You're crazy." , "Go be with someone else then" , " you read too much into things" , "you jut won't stop" , "leave me alone, I've got nothing to say to you".

There's been times where I have been crying my eyes out begging him to change & telling him how badly he's hurt me, and he couldn't care less. No hugs while I cry, no apologies, no self reflection.

Example : one time he made a new Snapchat account with HIS FULL NAME and a bitmoji that looks exactly like him. I brought it up to him and he denied -denied -denied that that was him. He has a very unique first and last name ... there was no way it wasn't him. Then he switched the story, "oh well I made that account just so I could talk to the guys". LIE AGAIN

Caught him in another big lie last night. I have begged him to just tell the truth, because this is my last straw. Shocker : he flipped it on me. He said I just "spiral" I "don't ever believe a word he says" and then called me a moocher and asked when the last time we had a home cooked meal was. This man barely makes enough to keep us afloat. We haven't had a home cooked meal in a while because of you dude.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I just had to smoke.

apologies for this long post

so im already married & have been married for a little over 3 years. my husband and i, boyfriend at the time, got pregnant unexpectedly suuuuper early into our relationship & decided that we wanted to be married before our baby got here.

NOTHING went as planned. when i found out i was pregnant i had just turned 20, and had only been moved out from my parents house for about 7 months.

we were broke as a joke & had no money for a wedding or ring. the baby's due date was coming up quick & like i said, we wanted to be married before the baby got here.

i picked out my own ring when we were at walmart together because it was the only thing we could afford at the time.

*I do want to add that the price of the ring truly didn't matter to me, it's just not how i expected my ring shopping & engagement stuff to go.*

we called the courthouse, got a date set.

the wedding day came and i was so upset. i had a fugly (imo) Amazon dress, i was in my 3rd trimester, huge, face was swollen, no shoes fit me because my feet were so fat, and i just felt so ugly. i cried and told my boyfriend that it just wasn't right. I wanted to marry him, but this felt so depressing. he felt the same way. we got ready together in our little bathroom and there was just no wedding day jitters, no excitement, it just felt like we were running an errand.

we got to the courthouse & were told that no phones were allowed at that specific location. no pictures, no videos of us on our big day. we were told we had to be quiet because there was an important case going on next door. no talking until we got into our designated court room, and even then we had to be very quiet.

the officiant was not necessarily rude, but he was not nice and did not make it feel special at all. it almost felt like we were a bother to him. he had a monotone voice as he read what he had to, the silence was deafening in the cold dark room, and he never even said "you may now kiss the bride". we left the courthouse trying to not be upset about the situation & tried to be happy about what was important - we were married.

afterwards we went to take pics together. i disliked all of the pictures because of the way i looked. I sound like such a debby downer, but I swear I'm typically the type of person to always look on the bright side.

we went to a steakhouse to eat, but the place was not good so we left. we ended up just getting some fast food and went home.

at the end of all of this i felt terrible because my feet had swelled up more than I thought possible, i was exhausted, and just so sad. this is not what I pictured my wedding day looking like. I don't think this is how anyone pictures their wedding day looking like. we were back at home and it was just like any ole regular day.

so many people that are important to us weren't there that day. no pretty white dress, no walking down the aisle with my dad, no first dance, no dad & daughter dance, no speeches, no celebration, etc.

I didn't get to go wedding dress shopping with my mom & grandma ( my grandma has now passed away ), or have the excitement of putting together our wedding.

also, i had a baby shower after we got married & no one said congratulations to me for my marriage or even remembered that i got married. why? because our wedding was more so a formality than a special day. it didn't feel like we entered a new chapter. we signed a document and went on with exactly what we were doing before.

we said that one day we'd have a ceremony, we just didn't know when. we knew we wanted another baby, so we'd at least wait until after that.

now we are done having kids and it just hit us that we can finally have our wedding. a type of wedding that i have pictured having since i was a little girl.

my mom & I don't always see eye to eye on things and it really bothered me when she said the following.

I told her we were going to start planning our wedding & that i was so beyond excited. i said how excited i was to look at venues, go dress shopping, have a ceremony, reception, the whole sha-bang that comes with a traditional American wedding. she said i should really consider calling it something other than a wedding - maybe a celebration of marriage instead. then she mentioned i could use the community building at this park ( a very small building off the side of the road ) as my venue and go to goodwill for a dress. and idk, that made me feel like this isn't a *real* wedding.

yes, we're already married, but didnt do the traditional American wedding or any of the things that come with it. i had already second guessed myself about doing this before even before talking to her, so her comments really upset me.

i believe now she can see where im coming from after i shared my opinion, but she still thinks I shouldn't call it a wedding. that really hurts. maybe im just overly sensitive & overthinking it all. but i hate feeling like im dumb for doing this. like ive already gotten married & this is just some little rinky-dink thrown together fake wedding to make me feel better about myself.

am i stupid for wanting to have this wedding?

I finally remembered to take my meds this morning, but forgot that I took them lol.

I have been so happy , talkative, productive, and I just have this great feeling. I couldn't figure out what had come over me & why I was just so happy with life. Then I remembered - I took my meds. Thank the Lord for vyvanse. My life saving medication.

Without it I get so angry with myself because I forget SO many things. Example - I'll be talking to a customer service chat rep, forget that I'm in a conversation & start doing something else on my phone. I'll come back & the chat is long gone. Then the same thing happens again.

I'll know that there is so much to do, but I can't bring myself to do anything. I'll feel so just *blah* all day. I'm overstimulated 24/7 because my mind doesn't shut up & I get angry because of it.

Just thought I'd share my little "thank you" to vyvanse lmao