u/genderlesscoconut

Hi folks! I’m u/genderlesscoconut, a founding moderator of r/QueerSouthAsian. Welcome to our new community for queer South Asians to connect, ask for advice, share resources, find events, and talk openly about our experiences.

Whether you’re looking for community, navigating family or culture, searching for queer-friendly resources, trying to meet other queer South Asians, or just want somewhere to celebrate a win, we hope you can find a place here.

What to Post
Anything related to queer South Asian life! This can include:

- Asking for advice or support
- Sharing LGBTQ+ and South Asian community resources
- Posting queer events, meetups, groups, and organizations
- Discussing family, culture, gender, sexuality, relationships, religion, diaspora, or identity
- Looking for community in your city or region
- Sharing news, media, art, books, or other things you think the community would enjoy
- Celebrating queer South Asian joy, milestones, and wins
- Starting a conversation or simply asking a question you’ve wanted to ask other queer South Asians

Community Vibe

We want r/QueerSouthAsian to be friendly, constructive, intersectional, and inclusive. There is no single way to be queer or South Asian, and our community includes people across different countries, cultures, languages, religions, castes, genders, sexualities, and diasporas.
Come here to ask questions, exchange advice, find resources, make connections, and learn from one another. Disagreement is okay; bigotry and personal attacks are not.

How to Get Started

Introduce yourself below! Share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with, and feel free to include your pronouns.

Make a post! Even a simple question can start a great conversation.

Know about a queer South Asian event, organization, resource, or community group? Share it!

If you know someone who would appreciate this space, invite them to join.

Interested in helping build the community? We’re looking for moderators, so feel free to reach out to me about applying.

Thanks for being part of the very first wave of r/QueerSouthAsian. Let’s build the kind of queer South Asian community we wish we had when we were looking for one. ❤️
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I know that this type of content is directed towards like transphobes and like those consuming red pill bs, but personally I hate those posts that are like “guess my gender” or “guess my deadname, it rhyme with Baitlyn” bc as someone genderfluid and trans, it’s just sometimes rlly obvious and idk I feel like it opens people up to be shitty + the OP will get annoyed at ppl guessing like idk i just find that it makes a massive joke about gender fluidity. It’s also making it seem like people who guess it are transphobic, but it’s also like yk trans people also have eyes? Like a trans person could comment something like “oh it’s obvious you’re (insert sex)” or “Caitlyn?” but what are they then transphobic for literally engaging in your content the way you’re pushing people to? I feel like I already struggle to tell people my preferred pronouns and be like “stop calling me (insert gender term)” but it’s also like shit like this that I don’t wanna be associated with. However, like it’s also like idk maybe I should be more “nothing matters, gender is a construct” and I don’t wanna come off as “not like other trans ppl weirdo” vibes but also idk that “construct” matters some days. Should I be more receptive or do yall also hate this type of content?

I know that this type of content is directed towards like transphobes and like those consuming red pill bs, but personally I hate those posts that are like “guess my gender” or “guess my deadname, it rhyme with Baitlyn” bc as someone genderfluid, it’s just sometimes obvious and idk I feel like it opens people up to be shitty + the OP will get annoyed at ppl guessing like idk i just find that it makes a massive joke about gender fluidity. I feel like I already struggle to tell people my preferred pronouns and be like “stop calling me (insert gender term)” but like it’s also like idk maybe I should be more “nothing matters, gender is a construct” but also idk that “construct” matters some days. Should I be more receptive or do yall also hate this type of content?

I’m AFAB, but I’ve been on testosterone for a while now and consider myself genderfluid. When I’m he/him, I feel 100% like a guy, a dad, a boyfriend, a brother, etc. when I’m she/her, I feel 100% like a girl, a mom, a girlfriend, a sister, etc. I sometimes feel he/they, she/they, they/them, etc. I’ve always defined myself as a genderfluid lesbian because despite my own gender expression, I always only consider myself attracted to women and nonbinary ppl, just non men.

I recently read Andrea Lawlor's book, Paul Takes on the Form of a Mortal Girl. I feel seen asf by Paul/Polly who’s able to shift genders and stuff. I feel also seen in the validation of sexuality by wanting to be seen as a “real man” by gay men, but also only wanting a real relationship with a woman. My girlfriend relates to Diane and feels like Paul/Polly wants to be a man/have a penis. This is impacting my relationship now as she’s like “are you even a lesbian if you have penis envy” and idk I’m struggling because I feel seen by Paul/Polly but (spoiler alert) it doesn’t go all that well for Paul when he dates a lesbian. Now my gf is saying really messed up stuff like “oh it’s okay if you have a dick because you’ll still have boobs” or like saying like “yeah but like your penis isn’t a real one so it’s fine.” Idk it feels like she doesn’t see my gender. Any advice in terms of gender, sexuality, dating a cis lesbian, etc. is appreciated