u/glitteringfox93

I get my girls every second weekend (9yo and 10yo). I'm unsure of how to proceed with helping them with their hygiene. Anything will be appreciated!

They got their ears pierced about 10 weeks ago. They are still very tender to the touch and gunk on them almost every single day. We, my partner and I, have cleaned them out every time they are over here with us. However, when they go back to their fathers, they come back filthy. Ears are dirty, hair is a rats nest, nails are dirty and untrimmed, etc. 9yo has ADHD, has a hard time remembering to brush her hair. 10yo has always had her head in the clouds, very much look at the flowers type of girl. She doesn't remember to do things either. The most they've been able to remember is deodorant, at least for the 9yo. Still working on that for the 10yo. Anyways, we've run out of ideas as what to do to help them remember basic hygiene.

Here are things I've tried so far:
- have a shared Finch goal that reminds them on their tablets
- whiteboards outside their rooms with "TO-DO!" on it
- spoken reminders
- asked them about xyz
- timers
- talking about them having more responsibility

None of these have worked so far. I've been doing so much reading on ADHD for my 9yo, and my 10yo is a follower so some of the time what works for the younger will work for the older. It's gotten to the point to, as I said earlier, their ears are so bad I had to take the earrings out and there were so much tears for that because of the pain. They have a mass in the back of both ears (I will be asking their father to take them to their GP), and bleeding as well.

I need help!

I've posted in here a couple of times, and now I think I've finally stood up to my ex husband.

I told him that while I have the kids (10yo & almost 9yo) with me, I will be exposing them to life outside the organization. This came up because the subject of me not making it into "paradise" came up...again. I told my kids that I regretted getting baptized at such a young age and that my brain wasn't fully formed to make that kind of decision, I wish I had waited. They both came up with the age of 20 that they would get baptized if they wanted to. We had a very good talk about how when they're with me, we will be doing holidays because I thoroughly enjoyed them when I was a kid with my DF'd father until I was brainwashed by my mother into thinking that he himself was the devil.

I told my ex that this is what we will be doing and gave him the reasoning that I want them to be fully informed of what decision they will be making, and he actually agreed! He said that he didn't want to push them one way or another. Awesome! We're making progress. Not two days later, my youngest texts me and says "I change my mind, I want you to go to meetings with us". Funny thing though, since they've been with me, not once have they asked to go to a meeting. I told them that they themselves have to ask if they want to go, no one else can ask for them.

Fast forward to now. Ex texts me last night saying youngest has a fill in talk this Wednesday. I did tell my kids that I would support them in whatever they choose and will try to make it to all their talks if I can. Well, I gave a quick read on what he wrote for her talk. Something about Halloween and not wanting to participate in classroom activities because "we're Jehovah's Witnesses and we don't believe in witches and magic". This past week when I had my kids, my partner and I took them to a Pride Witch market which they absolutely loved and thought it was so cool seeing different things.

I don't believe a word my ex says anymore, I'm not falling for that trick again. Just find it irritating that he decides to write the talk on witches and magic shortly after a Witch market 🙄

I've posted in here before, almost a year ago now, and it's happening again. Both my daughters, now 10 and 9, have fears of me dying or their father dying. They have severe separation anxiety. But the problem is now, they won't talk to me about it, or really anything that isn't JW related when they have questions. I will get the occasional text from their father telling me what happened and they talked about, but they are still very much into the JW life. I keep trying to tell them in a gentle fashion that there is more to life than being a JW and I'm much happier without it.

What I keep telling them and what their father keeps telling them is that Jehovah will read our hearts and decide who's going to make it or not, and there are even some people in the organization who won't make it. I personally have come to the conclusion that there is no Paradise, but even if it does exist, I certainly don't want any part of it because there is the possibility of me seeing people I really do not want to see.

I'm at a loss as to what to do, I've tried being gentle and I've tried to be direct. There is no convincing them otherwise as it's just me and my current partner who have their backs here, but over with their father, they have him and his entire family and the congregation telling them things about me.

I sustained a soft tissue arm injury on my dominant arm from this particular resident who would get violent at times. I had to be taken off of work for 4 months and do PT to gain my muscles back. After I returned to work, I was able to go near this resident as I would have an anxiety attack from being near them. The DOC and HR sat down with me to work something out, and the result was the days I was working, I wouldn't have them on my list and I would take someone else who would be of equal workload. No problem for me. This has gone on for some time now.

I have this past weekend off, but I have recently found out that they have passed and I'm really not sure how to feel about any of this. This means that I would get that room back on my list when someone new moves in, but I'm really not sure how to feel about any of it. I am still recovering from my injury and therefore have to wear a compression sleeve when I am working because of the amount of pain I still have.

I feel so lost in my emotions.

Edit - grammar