u/glorb_plorb

Just a vent post but whatever.

I'm a queer guy In this shit hole country. my original plan was to finish my business bachelor program and apply to exchange programs during that time, make connections and then maybe find a white collar job that gave a workers visa.

But now I remembered the mandatory military service. So I have to extend my studies for 5 more years then I planned (I'm 18) or bite the bullet and be a slave for this corrupt Russias Fleshlight of a county for a year.

I'm miserable, living with my parents sucks, if I want to live by myself I either have to take out a loan (that Ill have to pay off for 10 years, minimum) or share rent with roommates in some apartment, I guess renting is the solution, since owning an apartment doesn't make sense if I want to live abroad, but having roommates sounds horrid considering how fucking immature and annoying most of my peers are.

I don't suppose there are underground queer communities, are there..?

Idk fuck me I guess

I've been using rule34 for my porn/masturbation needs for years now since irl porn makes me feel gross and invasive and rule34's blacklist feature lets me cut out the stuff that's gross, but lately more and more weird gross shit has been popping up on my feed. Well today I had a straw the broke the cammles back situation... And I noticed myself needing to look at more and more weird shit to get off. while I know porn is supposed to be fictional, the degenerate nature of the content I've viewed has increased exponentially. I feel really ashamed for engaging in this kind of content because my body now more than ever makes not watching porn miserable... The fireworks that go off in my brain are the one source of dopamine that I genuinely look forward to.

But what's the cost? I know I'm using the slippery slope analogy which is a fallacy but I really am worried. I am either actively engaged in content that is slowly getting more and more degenerate in turn turning me degenerate, or I just sit still like a purist and deny myself pleasure that I desperately crave...

I've tried fanfiction but those take too long and are really wishy washy and again becoming a degenerate slippery slope... I've also tried audio porn but again... A lot of weird shit that makes me really uncomfortable... I really just don't know what to do...

I'd really like some advice and consolation... Thank you in advance

When I'm done with college will life just be an endless cycle of going to work and going home and getting drunk? It seems like that's all life has to offer when you live in the lower middle class.

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I don't know what label I am but, I haven't had romantic or sexual attraction my whole life, through puberty and even now In my early adulthood, I've been on dates and felt no sparks, been around factually appealing people and felt nothing other then admiration for their sense of fasion ascetic.

But here where it gets weird for me... I've also identified myself as bi, I like straight and gay pornography but only when it's drawn? Watching actual people makes me feel really uncomfortable, like I'm intruding on something that should only be seen between partners, and again no attraction. That discomfort extends to most half clothes people and bodies while I'm at the pool or beach for example.

And it is more confusing because I have these desires to take care of someone ,cuddle someone, cook for someone, watch movies, get high, and go on dates with someone, know someones complexity deeply and do all the freaky stuff too...

I want it, but I can't feel it? How does that work?

I love, love stories. I love seeing healthy relationships and it is kind of scary thinking about a future where my house is always empty...

I'd appreciate some new perspectives and guidance, thank you <3

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I don't know what label I am but, I haven't had romantic or sexual attraction my whole life, through puberty and even now In my early adulthood, I've been on dates and felt no sparks, been around factually appealing people and felt nothing other then admiration for their sense of fasion ascetic.

But here where it gets weird for me... I've also identified myself as bi, I like straight and gay pornography but only when it's drawn? Watching actual people makes me feel really uncomfortable, like I'm intruding on something that should only be seen between partners, and again no attraction. That discomfort extends to most half clothes people and bodies while I'm at the pool or beach for example.

And it is more confusing because I have these desires to take care of someone ,cuddle someone, cook for someone, watch movies, get high, and go on dates with someone, know someones complexity deeply and do all the freaky stuff too...

I want it, but I can't feel it? How does that work?

I love, love stories. I love seeing healthy relationships and it is kind of scary thinking about a future where my house is always empty...

I'd appreciate some new perspectives and guidance, thank you <3

I fucked up a pizza, overcooked it or didn't make the dough correctly I Donno, sucks cuz I spent a lot of time on it and used the tomatoes I grew myself so it stings a lot more knowing they went to waste.

How do you guys shake the guilt when you fuck up a recipe that takes a lot of time or good quality ingredients?

I loved cooking when I was in highschool, trying new recipes was really fun and I enjoyed cooking for others, but now I'm in college I find myself too stressed or tired to cook anything that takes time or grocery shopping, I mainly just make eggs, sandwiches and rice bowls and call it a day but I've gotten so bored with that. The worst thing is that if I muster up enough energy and time to cook something that actually tastes good it's eaten by my family by the next day, so I have no leftovers or anything, and my family aren't really people I *want* to cook for anyway.

Now I've been trying my hand on some dishes but they keep turning out bad, I'm making beginner mistakes like using way too much salt in the pasta, overcooking chicken, making broths with no body's or deep flavors, and my stubborn brain doesn't let me follow recipes because my dumb ego. Does anyone have advice for this type of situation, why this is happening or what I can do to stop it/regain the skill I once had? Thank you.