u/habertime05

Hi! I don't want to infodump, but I wanted to ask something. At what point to I give up on my relationship with my immediate family? I know that only I and I alone can make that decision, but some advice would help.

I'm 20 (mtf, currently using they/them prounouns, have been out for 4 months) and things have just been a shitshow. I wanted autonomy over anything social or medical and they said if I wasn't going to abide by their plan/rules (no expression/change, no doing anything until i graduate college, etc.), then I was on my own. I have a good job and am not worried about that, and I have an apartment already. I'm also working on receiving federal loans for my last 2 years of college.

To stay on topic, they've just been incredibly mean and bigoted as hell. I know that's a bit of an overused term, but it's accurate. It's been absolute hell. All wrapped in a blanket of 'love', even if I know that they really mean that (somehow, it's hard to believe that as time goes on). Any thoughts? I can explain further if anyone has specific questions about my situation. TYIA!

I'm 20 and recently came to the conclusion that I likely have gender dysphoria after several months of introspection, therapy, research, and conversations with trusted friends and mentors. I haven't started HRT and haven't even had the chance to work with a gender-affirming therapist yet, but if you asked me today whether I want to pursue HRT eventually, my answer would probably be yes.

The problem is my family.

My parents love me and are financially supporting me, but they believe I'm mentally unwell and that I need at least a year (possibly more) of therapy before even considering transition. My dad has been honest that he may never support medical transition, even after therapy. Their position is essentially: live at home, stay in school, go to therapy, don't express a different gender identity while living under our roof, and we'll continue supporting you financially.

I left a full-ride scholarship and collegiate athletics for reasons related to my mental health and self-discovery. I'm transferring schools and currently living at home. Financially, I am heavily dependent on my parents. They also control access to a custodial savings account that previously had around $13k in it.

Things at home have become increasingly difficult. I've been told to remove nail polish, not wear certain clothes, not buy feminine items, and generally not express myself in ways they view as "transitioning." My parents have monitored purchases, tracked some of my communications, and frequently frame the situation as them trying to "get me healthy." (I was diagnosed with OCPD, Avoidant PD, and Generalized Anxiety upon coming home, my psychiatrist actually threw me a bone and set me up with her therapist because she felt like he could navigate helping me through gender dysphoria among everything else: 2 sessions in, that therapist has been great).

The hard part is that I genuinely believe they love me. I don't think they're trying to hurt me. But I often feel like their love is conditional on me following their preferred path, and I feel increasingly trapped. I've become anxious, depressed, and recently self-harmed for the first time in my life. I've also had passive suicidal thoughts that have become more frequent as the situation has intensified.

I don't know what to do.

Part of me thinks I should keep my head down, stay home, go to therapy, save money, and build independence slowly.

Another part of me feels like I'm being asked to put my life on hold indefinitely while other people decide whether my identity is real.

For people who have been in similar situations:

• How did you know when it was time to leave home?
• How long did you wait before pursuing HRT?
• Did your family eventually come around?
• Looking back, what do you wish you had done differently?

I'm genuinely looking for honest perspectives. If you think I'm missing something or moving too fast, I'd like to hear that too. Thank you all <3

Best wishes,

Sam

Is she ultraviolent,
Or am I seeing ultraviolet,

They feed me,
Laden with poison,

So they may nurse me to health,
Until the train comes to take me again,

And the next vial is slyly forced down my throat,

Take me away,
Far away from here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1twt01e/a_neighbors_burden/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t501p2/obsessed/

I'm newly out to myself and some friends/family. My egg cracked in late March. I have an 'all loving and caring', but unaccepting family. I can't leave home for a full year, and for now have little to no freedom of expression. I'm 20 years old and in college. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth all the trouble? Recently, I've been questioning that. I know it likely is, but the road there feels long and painful: and I've only just begun. Just trying my best, and wishing you all peace & love <3

Hit 20,000 words tonight!! Aiming for 125,000-150,000 words total, so this was a big milestone. I've been writing it for 8 weeks and I'm very happy with how the novel is unfolding. I'm so excited!!!