u/haledyne

[removed]

I’m currently pregnant with our third child, and I am seriously struggling with whether or not to allow my husband into the delivery room. Lately, he has been incredibly verbally abusive about my body. He has called me names like "fat f\*\*k" and a "whale," and openly tells me he isn't attracted to me anymore. He has even moved into a separate bedroom.

I am just so exhausted. I know I’m not the size 0 girl he met years ago, but my body has carried his children. His words are incredibly hurtful, and I honestly don't know if our marriage is going to survive this long-term.

Because of how he treats me, the thought of being so exposed and vulnerable in front of him during labor makes me deeply uncomfortable. I don’t want him seeing me in that private moment when he has made me feel so ugly. Has anyone else banned their partner from the delivery room for their own peace of mind? How did you handle it?

I’m currently pregnant with our third child, and I am seriously struggling with whether or not to allow my husband into the delivery room. Lately, he has been incredibly verbally abusive about my body. He has called me names like "fat f**k" and a "whale," and openly tells me he isn't attracted to me anymore. He has even moved into a separate bedroom.

I am just so exhausted. I know I’m not the size 0 girl he met years ago, but my body has carried his children. His words are incredibly hurtful, and I honestly don't know if our marriage is going to survive this long-term.

Because of how he treats me, the thought of being so exposed and vulnerable in front of him during labor makes me deeply uncomfortable. I don’t want him seeing me in that private moment when he has made me feel so ugly. Has anyone else banned their partner from the delivery room for their own peace of mind? How did you handle it?

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am looking for Islamic advice regarding my marriage because I am genuinely confused and emotionally exhausted. I do not know what the Islamic ruling is on my situation, and I would appreciate any insight from those who have knowledge.

For some background, my husband and I have been married for approximately eight years. We have two children under the age of five, and I am currently pregnant with our third child, alhamdulillah, due in about two months. Throughout our marriage, my husband has been extremely verbally abusive. Whenever he apologizes, it is usually a backhanded apology where he somehow still blames me for his behavior. There is never genuine accountability.

Today, during an argument, he called me a "Fat F," a "whale," a "mentally handicapped woman," a "brain-defected undeveloped premature woman," a "retard," a "dummy," and many other degrading insults. This happened while I am heavily pregnant with our child.
The argument started because he gave me $200 to purchase newborn essentials, and I asked for an additional $50 because it simply was not enough to cover everything needed. Instead of understanding, he became angry.

During the argument, he said, "My mother warned me about women like you." What made this particularly hurtful is that he knows my relationship with his mother is already strained. He frequently uses his mother as a weapon during disagreements. He also constantly portrays me as someone who wastes his money, despite the reality that he provides approximately $100 per week for groceries in Toronto. As many people know, that amount barely covers groceries for a growing family, especially when his father also lives with us.

Despite this, I do my best to manage our household. I pay for many of my own expenses and try not to burden him financially. Yet I am continuously accused of being irresponsible with money. The truth is that he has made all of my pregnancies miserable. Instead of being a source of support and comfort, he has been a source of stress, anxiety, and emotional pain.

Over the years, he has repeatedly told me things such as:
\- That when he turns 50, he will leave me.

\- That he is only with me because of the children.

\-That one day he may find a younger wife in her thirties.

\-That he has no love for me beyond the fact that I am the mother of his children.

\-That he is not attracted to me. Yet when we are intimate and I ask him directly whether he finds me attractive, he says yes. His words are often contradictory, leaving me confused and emotionally destabilized.

When we first got married, I was very fit. Since then, I have carried multiple pregnancies, given birth, and spent years caring for young children. Naturally, my body has changed. I have gained weight compared to when we first married, but I would not consider myself obese. Regardless, I do not believe any woman deserves to be degraded and humiliated because her body changed after carrying and raising children.

Another issue is that during our recent argument, he repeatedly threatened me. He said that if things escalated, he would destroy my sister's marriage by contacting her husband and exposing perceived flaws within my family. This felt like an attempt to intimidate and control me through fear.

At this point, I have emotionally checked out of the marriage. I do not currently work, and realistically I probably will not return to work until a couple of years after giving birth. However, I know that I eventually want to separate from him. Right now, I am gathering evidence and trying to think carefully before making any major decisions.

My question is this:
Islamically, is it permissible to live essentially like roommates under these circumstances?

If a husband consistently fails to fulfill his wife's rights, verbally abuses her, humiliates her, threatens her, and openly states that he does not love her, am I still obligated to fulfill all of his marital rights as normal?

I understand that marriage comes with rights and responsibilities for both spouses, but I am struggling to understand how Islam views situations where one spouse continuously harms the other.

I am also conflicted about whether I should remain in the marriage until the children are older. Realistically, he is a very verbally abusive husband. However, he generally treats the children well when he is not angry. Part of me wonders whether staying for the children is the better option, while another part of me worries about the long-term impact of living in such an unhealthy environment.

Entire Ramadan I prayed isthikhara to guide me to my decision, I saw all the negative signs but at the end I caved in due to his bread-crumbing, I thought he would change and see a therapist (which he did 2 sessions).

I would appreciate sincere Islamic advice, especially from those who have knowledge regarding:

\-A husband's obligations toward his wife.

\-Verbal and emotional abuse in Islam.

\-Whether living as roommates is permissible in situations like this.

\-Whether separation would be justified under these circumstances.

\-The impact of remaining in a marriage solely for the children.

Jazakum Allahu khayran for any guidance.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am looking for Islamic advice regarding my marriage because I am genuinely confused and emotionally exhausted. I do not know what the Islamic ruling is on my situation, and I would appreciate any insight from those who have knowledge.

For some background, my husband and I have been married for approximately eight years. We have two children under the age of five, and I am currently pregnant with our third child, alhamdulillah, due in about two months. Throughout our marriage, my husband has been extremely verbally abusive. Whenever he apologizes, it is usually a backhanded apology where he somehow still blames me for his behavior. There is never genuine accountability.

Today, during an argument, he called me a "Fat F," a "whale," a "mentally handicapped woman," a "brain-defected undeveloped premature woman," a "retard," a "dummy," and many other degrading insults. This happened while I am heavily pregnant with our child.
The argument started because he gave me $200 to purchase newborn essentials, and I asked for an additional $50 because it simply was not enough to cover everything needed. Instead of understanding, he became angry.

During the argument, he said, "My mother warned me about women like you." What made this particularly hurtful is that he knows my relationship with his mother is already strained. He frequently uses his mother as a weapon during disagreements. He also constantly portrays me as someone who wastes his money, despite the reality that he provides approximately $100 per week for groceries in Toronto. As many people know, that amount barely covers groceries for a growing family, especially when his father also lives with us.

Despite this, I do my best to manage our household. I pay for many of my own expenses and try not to burden him financially. Yet I am continuously accused of being irresponsible with money. The truth is that he has made all of my pregnancies miserable. Instead of being a source of support and comfort, he has been a source of stress, anxiety, and emotional pain.

Over the years, he has repeatedly told me things such as:
- That when he turns 50, he will leave me.

- That he is only with me because of the children.

-That one day he may find a younger wife in her thirties.

-That he has no love for me beyond the fact that I am the mother of his children.

-That he is not attracted to me. Yet when we are intimate and I ask him directly whether he finds me attractive, he says yes. His words are often contradictory, leaving me confused and emotionally destabilized.

When we first got married, I was very fit. Since then, I have carried multiple pregnancies, given birth, and spent years caring for young children. Naturally, my body has changed. I have gained weight compared to when we first married, but I would not consider myself obese. Regardless, I do not believe any woman deserves to be degraded and humiliated because her body changed after carrying and raising children.

Another issue is that during our recent argument, he repeatedly threatened me. He said that if things escalated, he would destroy my sister's marriage by contacting her husband and exposing perceived flaws within my family. This felt like an attempt to intimidate and control me through fear.

At this point, I have emotionally checked out of the marriage. I do not currently work, and realistically I probably will not return to work until a couple of years after giving birth. However, I know that I eventually want to separate from him. Right now, I am gathering evidence and trying to think carefully before making any major decisions.

My question is this:
Islamically, is it permissible to live essentially like roommates under these circumstances?

If a husband consistently fails to fulfill his wife's rights, verbally abuses her, humiliates her, threatens her, and openly states that he does not love her, am I still obligated to fulfill all of his marital rights as normal?

I understand that marriage comes with rights and responsibilities for both spouses, but I am struggling to understand how Islam views situations where one spouse continuously harms the other.

I am also conflicted about whether I should remain in the marriage until the children are older. Realistically, he is a very verbally abusive husband. However, he generally treats the children well when he is not angry. Part of me wonders whether staying for the children is the better option, while another part of me worries about the long-term impact of living in such an unhealthy environment.

Entire Ramadan I prayed isthikhara to guide me to my decision, I saw all the negative signs but at the end I caved in due to his bread-crumbing, I thought he would change and see a therapist (which he did 2 sessions).

I would appreciate sincere Islamic advice, especially from those who have knowledge regarding:

-A husband's obligations toward his wife.

-Verbal and emotional abuse in Islam.

-Whether living as roommates is permissible in situations like this.

-Whether separation would be justified under these circumstances.

-The impact of remaining in a marriage solely for the children.

Jazakum Allahu khayran for any guidance.

am seeking Islamic advice regarding my marriage because I feel confused, emotionally exhausted, and unsure of how to proceed. I would appreciate guidance from those with knowledge of Islamic rights and responsibilities within marriage.

For some background, my husband and I have been married for approximately eight years. We have two young children, and I am currently pregnant with our third child, in shaa Allah due in about two months.
Throughout our marriage, there have been ongoing issues with verbal mistreatment. During disagreements, my husband frequently uses insulting and degrading language. Recently, during an argument, he called me names such as "whale," "dummy," “fat f” or “mentally deranged” and other offensive terms that attacked my intelligence and appearance. This occurred while I am heavily pregnant.

The disagreement began when he gave me a fixed amount of money to purchase newborn necessities, and I explained that the amount would not cover everything that was needed. The discussion escalated from there.
During the argument, he also stated, "My mother warned me about women like you." He is aware that my relationship with his mother has been difficult, so comments of this nature are particularly hurtful. He often compares me negatively to expectations set by his family and frequently accuses me of being irresponsible with money.

For context, he provides approximately $100 per week for groceries for our household in Toronto, which includes our children as well as his father, who lives with us. I try my best to manage within these limitations and often cover some of my own expenses separately. Despite this, I am regularly accused of wasting money.
Over the years, he has also made statements such as:
He is only staying in the marriage for the children.

He may eventually leave the marriage and seek a younger spouse.

He does not love me beyond the fact that I am the mother of his children.

He is not attracted to me.

At other times, however, he says the opposite, which leaves me confused and uncertain about his true feelings and intentions.

When we married, I was in very good physical shape. Since then, I have experienced multiple pregnancies, childbirth, and the physical demands of raising young children. Naturally, my body has changed over time. While I have gained weight, I do not believe this justifies being insulted or humiliated.

Another concern is that during recent arguments, he has made threats involving members of my family. For example, he stated that he would contact my sister's husband and disclose negative information about my family in an attempt to create problems within her marriage. I perceived these comments as attempts to intimidate me.

At this point, I feel emotionally detached from the marriage. I am currently not employed, and due to my pregnancy and childcare responsibilities, I likely will not return to work immediately after giving birth. However, I have been seriously considering separation and trying to make thoughtful decisions rather than acting impulsively.

I also prayed Istikharah consistently throughout Ramadan seeking guidance regarding this marriage. During that period, many concerns became increasingly apparent to me. However, when my husband promised to seek help and make changes, I decided to continue trying. He attended a small number of therapy sessions, but many of the underlying issues remain unresolved.

My questions are as follows:

Islamically, is it permissible for spouses to continue living together while maintaining only a minimal relationship if serious marital problems remain unresolved?

If a husband repeatedly insults, humiliates, threatens, and emotionally harms his wife, how does Islamic law view his fulfillment of marital obligations?

Does a wife remain obligated to fulfill all marital rights in the same manner when there is ongoing verbal and emotional mistreatment?

Would separation be considered justified in circumstances such as these?

Is remaining in a difficult marriage solely for the benefit of the children generally encouraged, or can it sometimes cause greater harm?

I would sincerely appreciate advice grounded in the Qur'an, Sunnah, and the understanding of qualified scholars.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.