u/hannahariela

I’m Jewish, 19 and an undecided gap year student (liberal or creative arts) and most likely between two schools:

I applied to nine different schools (mostly with city and campus access, which is rare for institutions to have) and not including still being on the waitlist and rejections, I got into seven different schools.

From what I decided in my head what’s most important to me is Creative Culture/Identity Fit (If that even fully is a thing?), City Access, and Non-Academic Opportunities (Internships, Clubs, that sorta thing…) That said, I still have to look at if I want to adjust my priorities by looking at what other factors there are.

I was accepted American University, which is the highest ranking school I got into, but probably won’t go. It’s the second highest cost of all the colleges/universities I got accepted into. I didn’t like it at first as it’s in a very city-suburban area of DC and not in the heart of it. Political Science is a potential major of mine, but I don’t know if I’d say it’s particularly high up in interest (but it is a possibility). Plus, I was told that DC isn’t very creative centered at all because it’s the capital and politics take priority in culture?

I was also accepted into Sarah Lawrence College. My first impression was that I liked it… education model is great, campus is beautiful, felt a very small tight nit creative culture (would like something bigger but there’s always cons). However, my mom freaked out about it. Felt they were over exaggerating about how easy it is to get to Manhattan and just didn’t like it so much that she freaked out at the prospect of me going there. I think her opinion is a mix of her own bias and what she thinks is best for me. She said she heard from me most that I wanted to have city access. I have been sort of having identity issues this past year. It’s felt like it’s been a mix of being fearful, lazy, and unsure of the extent of my creative identity.

I got accepted into New York University off the waitlist, which is my dream school. It fills all the big priority boxes perfectly. Holistic creative culture (acting, dance, singing, everything), city access, and endless opportunities, but it’s $95,000 a year, so no money for grad or to live after graduation. Plus, I have to start in the Spring semester (which means accelerated academics for a girl with a learning disability who already doesn’t know how the hell she got in and harder to make friends because I’m coming in in the middle of the year and no campus for repeated exposure to friends).

Now, the two I’m in *mainly* in between….
•University of San Francisco…
The city doesn’t have as much artistic creative culture in the performing arts sense but it is still San Francisco, so it has its pockets I’m sure. As for the college? That’s not my impression, so I’d have to create my own thing from scratch. I got the impression it was very commuter school, but you do have to stay on campus first two years so. 🤷‍♀️ I just feel like it’s very go to class and leave. But who knows there’s probably opportunities that weren’t as visible to me?
•Belmont University (both schools are Jesuit but Belmont seems much more religious). Here, there are a lot of music spaces and that seems the overall vibe.. which makes sense because it’s Nashville! I’m interested in music, but it’s probably my last creative interest behind dance, acting, fashion, etc. It’s a campus in the city, but from what I’ve seen, I don’t like Nashville, overall compared to SF. I’m just not a Southern country singer typa girl. There seems to be more opportunities? Although, I have to look into that more. I know there’s that opportunity to go into LA or Manhattan, which I’d love but also do I want to pick a school just to go away from it? It’d probably easier to “plug in” to creativity here, but i also don’t want to feel like my other creative interests are suppressed by music. Overall, I guess Belmont is the one I’m leaning toward because it’s the cheapest or one of my cheapest options and it fits all the priority boxes though imperfectly.

I don’t know. Let me know what you think! Especially if you go to anyone one of these schools? Also, what your opinion on a college/university campus culture matching one’s identity? Is it a real concept? Or is it a marketing thing? Let me know your thoughts

As I mentioned, I also have a learning disability (Speech Language Disorder), which makes it difficult for me to explain things in a way that make sense to other people. If you don’t know what I’m saying about something, please just kindly ask for me to explain. Also, if you have any other questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask. Of course, as I said earlier, share your thoughts! Especially if you go to anyone of these schools!

I’m Jewish, 19 and an undecided gap year student (liberal or creative arts) and most likely between two schools:

I applied to nine different schools (mostly with city and campus access, which is rare for institutions to have) and not including still being on the waitlist and rejections, I got into seven different schools.

From what I decided in my head what’s most important to me is Creative Culture/Identity Fit (If that even fully is a thing?), City Access, and Non-Academic Opportunities (Internships, Clubs, that sorta thing…) That said, I still have to look at if I want to adjust my priorities by looking at what other factors there are.

I was accepted American University, which is the highest ranking school I got into, but probably won’t go. It’s the second highest cost of all the colleges/universities I got accepted into. I didn’t like it at first as it’s in a very city-suburban area of DC and not in the heart of it. Political Science is a potential major of mine, but I don’t know if I’d say it’s particularly high up in interest (but it is a possibility). Plus, I was told that DC isn’t very creative centered at all because it’s the capital and politics take priority in culture?

I was also accepted into Sarah Lawrence College. My first impression was that I liked it… education model is great, campus is beautiful, felt a very small tight nit creative culture (would like something bigger but there’s always cons). However, my mom freaked out about it. Felt they were over exaggerating about how easy it is to get to Manhattan and just didn’t like it so much that she freaked out at the prospect of me going there. I think her opinion is a mix of her own bias and what she thinks is best for me. She said she heard from me most that I wanted to have city access. I have been sort of having identity issues this past year. It’s felt like it’s been a mix of being fearful, lazy, and unsure of the extent of my creative identity.

I got accepted into New York University off the waitlist, which is my dream school. It fills all the big priority boxes perfectly. Holistic creative culture (acting, dance, singing, everything), city access, and endless opportunities, but it’s $95,000 a year, so no money for grad or to live after graduation. Plus, I have to start in the Spring semester (which means accelerated academics for a girl with a learning disability who already doesn’t know how the hell she got in and harder to make friends because I’m coming in in the middle of the year and no campus for repeated exposure to friends).

Now, the two I’m in *mainly* in between….
•University of San Francisco…
The city doesn’t have as much artistic creative culture in the performing arts sense but it is still San Francisco, so it has its pockets I’m sure. As for the college? That’s not my impression, so I’d have to create my own thing from scratch. I got the impression it was very commuter school, but you do have to stay on campus first two years so. 🤷‍♀️ I just feel like it’s very go to class and leave. But who knows there’s probably opportunities that weren’t as visible to me?
•Belmont University (both schools are Jesuit but Belmont seems much more religious). Here, there are a lot of music spaces and that seems the overall vibe.. which makes sense because it’s Nashville! I’m interested in music, but it’s probably my last creative interest behind dance, acting, fashion, etc. It’s a campus in the city, but from what I’ve seen, I don’t like Nashville, overall compared to SF. I’m just not a Southern country singer typa girl. There seems to be more opportunities? Although, I have to look into that more. I know there’s that opportunity to go into LA or Manhattan, which I’d love but also do I want to pick a school just to go away from it? It’d probably easier to “plug in” to creativity here, but i also don’t want to feel like my other creative interests are suppressed by music. Overall, I guess Belmont is the one I’m leaning toward because it’s the cheapest or one of my cheapest options and it fits all the priority boxes though imperfectly.

I don’t know. Let me know what you think! Especially if you go to anyone one of these schools? Also, what your opinion on a college/university campus culture matching one’s identity? Is it a real concept? Or is it a marketing thing? Let me know your thoughts

As I mentioned, I also have a learning disability (Speech Language Disorder), which makes it difficult for me to explain things in a way that make sense to other people. If you don’t know what I’m saying about something, please just kindly ask for me to explain. Also, if you have any other questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask. Of course, as I said earlier, share your thoughts! Especially if you go to anyone of these schools!

I, Female (19) have recently celebrated my birthday with a casual friend… let’s call her, “S” whose Female (18). Since then, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pent up resentment. On one hand, people always say “communication is key!”. On the other hand, she’s a casual friend, so I’m not sure if this type of communication can be warranted.

I’m a gap year student and right before my birthday, my family and I flew to a very cold city to see her. My mom is pretty old and she is extremely sensitive to the weather. That said, I did really want to hang out with a friend for my birthday, so that is completely on me, and I deeply appreciate my mother’s sacrifice.

I communicated with S a lot about my birthday before then virtually, making it extremely that I wanted a birthday cake. Now, we’re Jewish and we celebrate Passover (no eating chametz, or bread that rises for 8 consecutive days), which the holiday had landed right on my birthday. Over FaceTime, I told her I wanted a regular cake and a watermelon cake (for once the holiday starts at nightfall). She said she didn’t like watermelon, so I understand but emphasized I really wanted to have a regular cake before sundown. I also (at least thought), I emphasized and she agreed that I wanted to hang out the day before my birthday once I got there.

Before my birthday, my mom writes her mom that I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal issues. Her mom writes that she’s sorry and so has S (which just feels.. a tad intensitive). I write S when we get to the city, and she doesn’t want to hang out. I sort of start freaking out because I really wanted a dress and gifts for my birthday, and otherwise, wouldn’t have anything to wear that wasn’t too prudish for her. I realize now that me getting so upset over that was probably really bratty. That day, I run all around the city tried to find a pre-made cake and nothing. Our hotel room didn’t have oven, so the only thing we can do is frost… and there was nothing.

The next day I dress in a cute outfit I think is mostly modest (yay!), and they come to pick me up. We have a great day out in the city and go back to her apartment in the suburbs. We have fun: have lunch, play boardgames, all that jazz. We decide to go shopping at a mall. Before then, her mom goes, Don’t forget to get (me) a cake or are you going to get the cake? She stares at her blankly, and we never get a cake. I just feel like that was a very rude way to handle that situation. I feel like she’s extremely self centered, especially because she has OCD and her family definitely coddles that.

When we went to the mall, I suggested Urban Outfitters, which is one of my favorite stores. She went around talking about how everything was slutty, and I just felt extremely uncomfortable because I suggested it. Then, I suggest the dress thinking it was safe to mention, she gives me a look and continues to talk about how it’s immodest.

This year I was also dealing with an identity crisis with not going to college/uni and a lot of other things. Her father kept lecturing me about still not knowing where to go to school after my gap year and how I should be a “teacher” - it’s great you know that I like kids, but you also don’t know me that well. What makes you feel like you know me enough to tell me to do something as serious as serious as what to do with my life? But whatever, people are just like that sometimes. I shouldn’t be that offended by it, or make a big deal more than it is.

Overall, I genuinely had a good time though.

Life goes on and I have big personal circumstances happen to me again. S knows how sensitive college as a topic has been for me and she texts me this whole over the top message about where she committed with a special picture of her there, a slogan, and the whole thing. One of my biggest pet peeves but that’s completely her proghtive. She asks me where I’m going and I say I have extension. She asks me again where I’m committing too and I say again I have an extension. Later, I casually apologize, saying that I felt overwhelmed and shouldn’t have lost my cool as I did. She explained that she just didn’t understand what I meant.., but as days go on no matter how silly and ridiculous I’m being, I still feel upset over everything that has happened. And, I’ve just been ignoring her calls.

Am I being an asshole? What should I do?

Please be respectful when responding! Thanks.

I, Female (19) have recently celebrated my birthday with a casual friend… let’s call her, “S” whose Female (18). Since then, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pent up resentment. On one hand, people always say “communication is key!”. On the other hand, she’s a casual friend, so I’m not sure if this type of communication can be warranted.

I’m a gap year student and right before my birthday, my family and I flew to a very cold city to see her. My mom is pretty old and she is extremely sensitive to the weather. That said, I did really want to hang out with a friend for my birthday, so that is completely on me, and I deeply appreciate my mother’s sacrifice.

I communicated with S a lot about my birthday before then virtually, making it extremely that I wanted a birthday cake. Now, we’re Jewish and we celebrate Passover (no eating chametz, or bread that rises for 8 consecutive days), which the holiday had landed right on my birthday. Over FaceTime, I told her I wanted a regular cake and a watermelon cake (for once the holiday starts at nightfall). She said she didn’t like watermelon, so I understand but emphasized I really wanted to have a regular cake before sundown. I also (at least thought), I emphasized and she agreed that I wanted to hang out the day before my birthday once I got there.

Before my birthday, my mom writes her mom that I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal issues. Her mom writes that she’s sorry and so has S (which just feels.. a tad intensitive). I write S when we get to the city, and she doesn’t want to hang out. I sort of start freaking out because I really wanted a dress and gifts for my birthday, and otherwise, wouldn’t have anything to wear that wasn’t too prudish for her. I realize now that me getting so upset over that was probably really bratty. That day, I run all around the city tried to find a pre-made cake and nothing. Our hotel room didn’t have oven, so the only thing we can do is frost… and there was nothing.

The next day I dress in a cute outfit I think is mostly modest (yay!), and they come to pick me up. We have a great day out in the city and go back to her apartment in the suburbs. We have fun: have lunch, play boardgames, all that jazz. We decide to go shopping at a mall. Before then, her mom goes, Don’t forget to get (me) a cake or are you going to get the cake? She stares at her blankly, and we never get a cake. I just feel like that was a very rude way to handle that situation. I feel like she’s extremely self centered, especially because she has OCD and her family definitely coddles that.

When we went to the mall, I suggested Urban Outfitters, which is one of my favorite stores. She went around talking about how everything was slutty, and I just felt extremely uncomfortable because I suggested it. Then, I suggest the dress thinking it was safe to mention, she gives me a look and continues to talk about how it’s immodest.

This year I was also dealing with an identity crisis with not going to college/uni and a lot of other things. Her father kept lecturing me about still not knowing where to go to school after my gap year and how I should be a “teacher” - it’s great you know that I like kids, but you also don’t know me that well. What makes you feel like you know me enough to tell me to do something as serious as serious as what to do with my life? But whatever, people are just like that sometimes. I shouldn’t be that offended by it, or make a big deal more than it is.

Overall, I genuinely had a good time though.

Life goes on and I have big personal circumstances happen to me again. S knows how sensitive college as a topic has been for me and she texts me this whole over the top message about where she committed with a special picture of her there, a slogan, and the whole thing. One of my biggest pet peeves but that’s completely her proghtive. She asks me where I’m going and I say I have extension. She asks me again where I’m committing too and I say again I have an extension. Later, I casually apologize, saying that I felt overwhelmed and shouldn’t have lost my cool as I did. She explained that she just didn’t understand what I meant.., but as days go on no matter how silly and ridiculous I’m being, I still feel upset over everything that has happened. And, I’ve just been ignoring her calls.

Am I being an asshole? What should I do?

Please be respectful when responding! Thanks.