u/hannahariela

Apparently, Honey Pot is no longer cruelty free? What can I use to buy pads, instead?

My roommate and I recently got assigned to each other. We got to know each other a bit over text for a couple days, but now, we agreed to discuss our housing arrangements with each other. I want to be honest with her because I don’t want us having an problems in the Fall… but I also don’t want her to be scared of me either. How bad does this sound? If you feel negatively about this, don’t only say that but give me some tangible constructive criticism instead… thank you.

**Housing Preferences List**

Boundaries and Resentment
•Personally, I need to talk everything out (without passive aggressiveness or hostility). If we have an issue with each other, I feel it’s best we immediately address it. If I personally don’t, I will hold up resentment and probably end up blowing up (which I really don’t want). Personally, I believe in therapy, and before school, I’m trying to find someone who can help me with issues that may make me come across as “bad roommate” or “bratty”. With that said.. let’s get into those things (scared yet?) LMAO… 🤣

•I don’t know what it is… but I have an issue with people walking in on me, while I’m eating or cooking. For some reason, it makes me feel judged, embarrassed, angry, or overwhelmed easily. Obviously, it wouldn’t be fair if I snapped at you because of it and is something I’m actively working on and will continue to work on in school. I know that in college I will have to eat with other people and hope to get used to it quickly.

Cleaning
•I’m not the best at staying on top of it, but I’d like our room to be clean. It doesn’t need to be spotless, but I don’t want it to live in a landfill either… something in the middle. I’m down to clean whenever I’m not busy or don’t have another task I was planning to do in my head. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when people bother me about something I want to do but am too busy to start. So, if you see me like studying or something.. maybe hold off till I’m less busy. In order to make this more stress free, I was actually thinking we pick a day that we clean. This way we don’t have to ask and risk getting annoyed with each other and just do it. I’d prefer for my cleaning day to be Sunday but I’m open.

•I’m a little clueless sometimes, so if I’m not cleaning well enough, please just guide me through it, so that I can learn how to clean it how you like. Also, this topic is about to get gross (I’M SORRY), but I’ve never cleaned a toilet, so if you want me to clean that, just teach me and I will. (This is about to get even more disgusting… again, I’m sorry!) For the shower, if one of us happens to have accidentally left p\*bic hair in the shower, let’s try to clean it ourselves. I’ve also been told by mother that I leave the bathroom flooded after a shower (I don’t completely know how it happens, again… I’m clueless) but I will try to make sure that doesn’t happen. If water does end up everywhere… I’ll clean it before anyone has to go in there.

Bedtimes
As I mentioned, I’m a night owl (sometimes to a great extreme, cue how I went to bed at 5am, two days ago 😳😳😳). However, I typically need 10+ hours of sleep to get a well rest. Not that I always do this now, but I’ll definitely need to go to sleep at a semi-reasonable hour to make classes, activities, and such.

•Additionally, I can also be extremely sensitive to light and sound when I’m trying to sleep (excluding the times when I think something paranormal might be going on in my room 😳🤣). That said, I’ll need us to be lights out at a specific time so I can \*attempt\* to sleep (also have insomnia, which is part of the reason I’m such a night owl) Obviously, I’m going to take your schedule into your account and what time you prefer to go to sleep to be well-rested the next day. I don’t just want to be this tyrant jackass of a roommate.

Guests, Religion, & Privacy
•I’m comfortable with you having guests over: friends, romantic partners, whatever, I’m not a snitch. Only thing I ask is that you give me as much notice as possible, and that whoever you have over follows our rules and preferences as much as possible. For example, I have a 10am class the next day, so I need to be in bed by midnight. I ask that you and whoever you have over doesn’t keep the lights on and is noisy all hours of the night.

•Please let me know your personal boundaries about guests.

•(This is because it’s a Christian school, redditers) This is an issue I tried to mention in my form, but I don’t know if the Housing Department went over it with anyone. I am a secular Jew, and while, I’m okay with living with a Christian… I need to know that you’ll be okay with living with me and will show me the same respect I’ll show you.

•I’m an extremely sensitive person, and sometimes, I’ll be in a mood for no reason or have a bad day. It isn’t personal, and I need you to know that. Most of the time, I am smily and I want to hang out and be friends. However, the days I need to be alone, I’d like it if I could just shoot you a text and ask for some privacy to cry, decompress, dance, whatever it is. Of course, I’d do the same for you, and if we ever really need the room for any reason, we can just let each other know.

Okay.. now, that all the bad stuff is out of the way. Please just know that I’m always open to compromise. If either of our preferences ever change, I’ll work it out with you. If I forgot anything on the list, I’ll let you know. Please honestly let me know your preferences and if anything I said was of concern to you. I’m excited to meet you and focus more on becoming friends!

I’ve been getting Keratin treatment since I was nine years old to make my hair permanently straight, instead of the naturally curly hair that I do have.
By “permanently”, I mean that my hair will stay straight for months or even a couple years, while rarely having to use a flat iron. When I started caring about “cruelty free issues”, I thought that the keratin treatment was made through a tropical bean/plant.
Don’t ask me how I got that impression, I honestly don’t know. Recently, I randomly looked it up (for whatever reason) and found out that the Keratin protein used in treatment might be sourced through animals. 😳😳😳I really don’t want to give up my straight hair, but obviously, I still want to try and be cruelty free. I can either make this one exception or let my hair go curly.

Lately, I’ve been using Tresemme Keratin Conditioner and Shampoo for my ‘artificial/fake’ straight hair, since they’re cruelty free. However, they’re owned by a non cruelty free parent company and may not be vegan. Now, they don’t have to be strictly vegan, since I’m a pescatarian, but obviously they can’t have gelatin or anything that’s made from an animal (that’s not a fish). Right now, I’d like to keep my straight hair for as long as possible, which means I have to use a keratin shampoo and conditioner. I don’t have $70 to splurge on one shampoo bottle, but if anyone knows any Keratin CF & pescatarian friendly shampoo and conditioner dupes (even if from a non CF parent company), I’d greatly appreciate it. If not, I’ll probably have to continue buying Tresemme or use another non-Keratin brand.

Are all sponges that you use to clean dishes or dirt cruelty free? If not, where do I find cruelty free ones? Thank you!

This is probably me overthinking WAYYYY too much yet again. However, I’d like to know what everyone thinks of this email? Any critiques? Are all these emojis too immature? Do I sound too intense about the “boundaries situation”, etc.? Let me know your thoughts, but please no trolling!

“Hi everyone, 

I hope you guys are having an amazing day! 🌤

My name is Hannah, and I just found out that we are all roommates! 🤗

It's my understanding that we've been placed in a jack-and-jill style dorm (Two people on one side, two people on the other side, and a bathroom in between us). If I'm understanding the update correctly, [Scratched Name for Privacy] would be on my side, and [Scratched Name for Privacy] and [Scratched Name for Privacy] would be together on the other.  I'd love to create a group chat (text message, Snapchat, Instagram, whatever is most convenient for all of us) and chat with you all. 💞

Besides what we already filled out on our form, I think it'd be beneficial if we discussed our preferences, non-negotiables, boundaries, etc, with each other so that we're all on the same page before our freshman year. Apart from all the boring stuff, I know not everybody is interested in being friends with their roommate, but if you are, I'd love to get to know you and see if we have anything in common. 💛

If you could respond to this email with the methods of communication you're able to use, and what of those is most preferable, I'd appreciate it. As for me, I have everything, but I prefer texting and Instagram because I check them more frequently. Of course, I'm down for anything. 🔥

Excited to meet you all! ⭐
Hannah”

It might sound silly to ask this about a minimum wage jobs, but this is the economy we’re in… when interviewing at Ice cream, Froyo, and other food places… if they ask you if you want to try some of their product, do you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’? On one hand, it can be deemed as unprofessional if you say ‘Yes, I’ll have some’. On the other hand, they may want to see you be enthusiastic about their product and see that you like it and can give recommendations to customers who ask. What do you all think? Am I thinking too much into this? Please no trolling but thoughts are welcome

I, Female (19), have been overweight/midsized my entire life. For the past few years, I’ve been trying to calorie count but that’s been very yo-yo because it’s hard to tell how many calories are in most meals I eat day-to-day. I also had other sustainability problems with it. For a little over a month now, I’ve just been trying not to overeat/boredom eat and be more attuned with my body (though I’ve forgotten at times and haven’t always been the greatest at it).

The scale either stays the same or goes up 1-5lbs. Recently, my mom said that I look like I lost weight. Then, today, I looked in the mirror first thing (before eating anything) and thought I looked good/skinnier. I went to the bathroom before (did all the right things), stepped on the scale and apparently gained 3.6 lbs. I know that I couldn’t have possibly gained muscle. Besides being chubby and curvy, I’m short and scrawny… I don’t lift weights or pick up anything heavy at all.

I know that it’s most likely that this isn’t working and that I’m not trying hard enough, but I’m just so confused… why would my mom say I look skinnier lately when the scale says otherwise?

I’m Jewish, 19 and an undecided gap year student (liberal or creative arts) and most likely between two schools:

I applied to nine different schools (mostly with city and campus access, which is rare for institutions to have) and not including still being on the waitlist and rejections, I got into seven different schools.

From what I decided in my head what’s most important to me is Creative Culture/Identity Fit (If that even fully is a thing?), City Access, and Non-Academic Opportunities (Internships, Clubs, that sorta thing…) That said, I still have to look at if I want to adjust my priorities by looking at what other factors there are.

I was accepted American University, which is the highest ranking school I got into, but probably won’t go. It’s the second highest cost of all the colleges/universities I got accepted into. I didn’t like it at first as it’s in a very city-suburban area of DC and not in the heart of it. Political Science is a potential major of mine, but I don’t know if I’d say it’s particularly high up in interest (but it is a possibility). Plus, I was told that DC isn’t very creative centered at all because it’s the capital and politics take priority in culture?

I was also accepted into Sarah Lawrence College. My first impression was that I liked it… education model is great, campus is beautiful, felt a very small tight nit creative culture (would like something bigger but there’s always cons). However, my mom freaked out about it. Felt they were over exaggerating about how easy it is to get to Manhattan and just didn’t like it so much that she freaked out at the prospect of me going there. I think her opinion is a mix of her own bias and what she thinks is best for me. She said she heard from me most that I wanted to have city access. I have been sort of having identity issues this past year. It’s felt like it’s been a mix of being fearful, lazy, and unsure of the extent of my creative identity.

I got accepted into New York University off the waitlist, which is my dream school. It fills all the big priority boxes perfectly. Holistic creative culture (acting, dance, singing, everything), city access, and endless opportunities, but it’s $95,000 a year, so no money for grad or to live after graduation. Plus, I have to start in the Spring semester (which means accelerated academics for a girl with a learning disability who already doesn’t know how the hell she got in and harder to make friends because I’m coming in in the middle of the year and no campus for repeated exposure to friends).

Now, the two I’m in *mainly* in between….
•University of San Francisco…
The city doesn’t have as much artistic creative culture in the performing arts sense but it is still San Francisco, so it has its pockets I’m sure. As for the college? That’s not my impression, so I’d have to create my own thing from scratch. I got the impression it was very commuter school, but you do have to stay on campus first two years so. 🤷‍♀️ I just feel like it’s very go to class and leave. But who knows there’s probably opportunities that weren’t as visible to me?
•Belmont University (both schools are Jesuit but Belmont seems much more religious). Here, there are a lot of music spaces and that seems the overall vibe.. which makes sense because it’s Nashville! I’m interested in music, but it’s probably my last creative interest behind dance, acting, fashion, etc. It’s a campus in the city, but from what I’ve seen, I don’t like Nashville, overall compared to SF. I’m just not a Southern country singer typa girl. There seems to be more opportunities? Although, I have to look into that more. I know there’s that opportunity to go into LA or Manhattan, which I’d love but also do I want to pick a school just to go away from it? It’d probably easier to “plug in” to creativity here, but i also don’t want to feel like my other creative interests are suppressed by music. Overall, I guess Belmont is the one I’m leaning toward because it’s the cheapest or one of my cheapest options and it fits all the priority boxes though imperfectly.

I don’t know. Let me know what you think! Especially if you go to anyone one of these schools? Also, what your opinion on a college/university campus culture matching one’s identity? Is it a real concept? Or is it a marketing thing? Let me know your thoughts

As I mentioned, I also have a learning disability (Speech Language Disorder), which makes it difficult for me to explain things in a way that make sense to other people. If you don’t know what I’m saying about something, please just kindly ask for me to explain. Also, if you have any other questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask. Of course, as I said earlier, share your thoughts! Especially if you go to anyone of these schools!

I’m Jewish, 19 and an undecided gap year student (liberal or creative arts) and most likely between two schools:

I applied to nine different schools (mostly with city and campus access, which is rare for institutions to have) and not including still being on the waitlist and rejections, I got into seven different schools.

From what I decided in my head what’s most important to me is Creative Culture/Identity Fit (If that even fully is a thing?), City Access, and Non-Academic Opportunities (Internships, Clubs, that sorta thing…) That said, I still have to look at if I want to adjust my priorities by looking at what other factors there are.

I was accepted American University, which is the highest ranking school I got into, but probably won’t go. It’s the second highest cost of all the colleges/universities I got accepted into. I didn’t like it at first as it’s in a very city-suburban area of DC and not in the heart of it. Political Science is a potential major of mine, but I don’t know if I’d say it’s particularly high up in interest (but it is a possibility). Plus, I was told that DC isn’t very creative centered at all because it’s the capital and politics take priority in culture?

I was also accepted into Sarah Lawrence College. My first impression was that I liked it… education model is great, campus is beautiful, felt a very small tight nit creative culture (would like something bigger but there’s always cons). However, my mom freaked out about it. Felt they were over exaggerating about how easy it is to get to Manhattan and just didn’t like it so much that she freaked out at the prospect of me going there. I think her opinion is a mix of her own bias and what she thinks is best for me. She said she heard from me most that I wanted to have city access. I have been sort of having identity issues this past year. It’s felt like it’s been a mix of being fearful, lazy, and unsure of the extent of my creative identity.

I got accepted into New York University off the waitlist, which is my dream school. It fills all the big priority boxes perfectly. Holistic creative culture (acting, dance, singing, everything), city access, and endless opportunities, but it’s $95,000 a year, so no money for grad or to live after graduation. Plus, I have to start in the Spring semester (which means accelerated academics for a girl with a learning disability who already doesn’t know how the hell she got in and harder to make friends because I’m coming in in the middle of the year and no campus for repeated exposure to friends).

Now, the two I’m in *mainly* in between….
•University of San Francisco…
The city doesn’t have as much artistic creative culture in the performing arts sense but it is still San Francisco, so it has its pockets I’m sure. As for the college? That’s not my impression, so I’d have to create my own thing from scratch. I got the impression it was very commuter school, but you do have to stay on campus first two years so. 🤷‍♀️ I just feel like it’s very go to class and leave. But who knows there’s probably opportunities that weren’t as visible to me?
•Belmont University (both schools are Jesuit but Belmont seems much more religious). Here, there are a lot of music spaces and that seems the overall vibe.. which makes sense because it’s Nashville! I’m interested in music, but it’s probably my last creative interest behind dance, acting, fashion, etc. It’s a campus in the city, but from what I’ve seen, I don’t like Nashville, overall compared to SF. I’m just not a Southern country singer typa girl. There seems to be more opportunities? Although, I have to look into that more. I know there’s that opportunity to go into LA or Manhattan, which I’d love but also do I want to pick a school just to go away from it? It’d probably easier to “plug in” to creativity here, but i also don’t want to feel like my other creative interests are suppressed by music. Overall, I guess Belmont is the one I’m leaning toward because it’s the cheapest or one of my cheapest options and it fits all the priority boxes though imperfectly.

I don’t know. Let me know what you think! Especially if you go to anyone one of these schools? Also, what your opinion on a college/university campus culture matching one’s identity? Is it a real concept? Or is it a marketing thing? Let me know your thoughts

As I mentioned, I also have a learning disability (Speech Language Disorder), which makes it difficult for me to explain things in a way that make sense to other people. If you don’t know what I’m saying about something, please just kindly ask for me to explain. Also, if you have any other questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask. Of course, as I said earlier, share your thoughts! Especially if you go to anyone of these schools!

I, Female (19) have recently celebrated my birthday with a casual friend… let’s call her, “S” whose Female (18). Since then, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pent up resentment. On one hand, people always say “communication is key!”. On the other hand, she’s a casual friend, so I’m not sure if this type of communication can be warranted.

I’m a gap year student and right before my birthday, my family and I flew to a very cold city to see her. My mom is pretty old and she is extremely sensitive to the weather. That said, I did really want to hang out with a friend for my birthday, so that is completely on me, and I deeply appreciate my mother’s sacrifice.

I communicated with S a lot about my birthday before then virtually, making it extremely that I wanted a birthday cake. Now, we’re Jewish and we celebrate Passover (no eating chametz, or bread that rises for 8 consecutive days), which the holiday had landed right on my birthday. Over FaceTime, I told her I wanted a regular cake and a watermelon cake (for once the holiday starts at nightfall). She said she didn’t like watermelon, so I understand but emphasized I really wanted to have a regular cake before sundown. I also (at least thought), I emphasized and she agreed that I wanted to hang out the day before my birthday once I got there.

Before my birthday, my mom writes her mom that I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal issues. Her mom writes that she’s sorry and so has S (which just feels.. a tad intensitive). I write S when we get to the city, and she doesn’t want to hang out. I sort of start freaking out because I really wanted a dress and gifts for my birthday, and otherwise, wouldn’t have anything to wear that wasn’t too prudish for her. I realize now that me getting so upset over that was probably really bratty. That day, I run all around the city tried to find a pre-made cake and nothing. Our hotel room didn’t have oven, so the only thing we can do is frost… and there was nothing.

The next day I dress in a cute outfit I think is mostly modest (yay!), and they come to pick me up. We have a great day out in the city and go back to her apartment in the suburbs. We have fun: have lunch, play boardgames, all that jazz. We decide to go shopping at a mall. Before then, her mom goes, Don’t forget to get (me) a cake or are you going to get the cake? She stares at her blankly, and we never get a cake. I just feel like that was a very rude way to handle that situation. I feel like she’s extremely self centered, especially because she has OCD and her family definitely coddles that.

When we went to the mall, I suggested Urban Outfitters, which is one of my favorite stores. She went around talking about how everything was slutty, and I just felt extremely uncomfortable because I suggested it. Then, I suggest the dress thinking it was safe to mention, she gives me a look and continues to talk about how it’s immodest.

This year I was also dealing with an identity crisis with not going to college/uni and a lot of other things. Her father kept lecturing me about still not knowing where to go to school after my gap year and how I should be a “teacher” - it’s great you know that I like kids, but you also don’t know me that well. What makes you feel like you know me enough to tell me to do something as serious as serious as what to do with my life? But whatever, people are just like that sometimes. I shouldn’t be that offended by it, or make a big deal more than it is.

Overall, I genuinely had a good time though.

Life goes on and I have big personal circumstances happen to me again. S knows how sensitive college as a topic has been for me and she texts me this whole over the top message about where she committed with a special picture of her there, a slogan, and the whole thing. One of my biggest pet peeves but that’s completely her proghtive. She asks me where I’m going and I say I have extension. She asks me again where I’m committing too and I say again I have an extension. Later, I casually apologize, saying that I felt overwhelmed and shouldn’t have lost my cool as I did. She explained that she just didn’t understand what I meant.., but as days go on no matter how silly and ridiculous I’m being, I still feel upset over everything that has happened. And, I’ve just been ignoring her calls.

Am I being an asshole? What should I do?

Please be respectful when responding! Thanks.

I, Female (19) have recently celebrated my birthday with a casual friend… let’s call her, “S” whose Female (18). Since then, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pent up resentment. On one hand, people always say “communication is key!”. On the other hand, she’s a casual friend, so I’m not sure if this type of communication can be warranted.

I’m a gap year student and right before my birthday, my family and I flew to a very cold city to see her. My mom is pretty old and she is extremely sensitive to the weather. That said, I did really want to hang out with a friend for my birthday, so that is completely on me, and I deeply appreciate my mother’s sacrifice.

I communicated with S a lot about my birthday before then virtually, making it extremely that I wanted a birthday cake. Now, we’re Jewish and we celebrate Passover (no eating chametz, or bread that rises for 8 consecutive days), which the holiday had landed right on my birthday. Over FaceTime, I told her I wanted a regular cake and a watermelon cake (for once the holiday starts at nightfall). She said she didn’t like watermelon, so I understand but emphasized I really wanted to have a regular cake before sundown. I also (at least thought), I emphasized and she agreed that I wanted to hang out the day before my birthday once I got there.

Before my birthday, my mom writes her mom that I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal issues. Her mom writes that she’s sorry and so has S (which just feels.. a tad intensitive). I write S when we get to the city, and she doesn’t want to hang out. I sort of start freaking out because I really wanted a dress and gifts for my birthday, and otherwise, wouldn’t have anything to wear that wasn’t too prudish for her. I realize now that me getting so upset over that was probably really bratty. That day, I run all around the city tried to find a pre-made cake and nothing. Our hotel room didn’t have oven, so the only thing we can do is frost… and there was nothing.

The next day I dress in a cute outfit I think is mostly modest (yay!), and they come to pick me up. We have a great day out in the city and go back to her apartment in the suburbs. We have fun: have lunch, play boardgames, all that jazz. We decide to go shopping at a mall. Before then, her mom goes, Don’t forget to get (me) a cake or are you going to get the cake? She stares at her blankly, and we never get a cake. I just feel like that was a very rude way to handle that situation. I feel like she’s extremely self centered, especially because she has OCD and her family definitely coddles that.

When we went to the mall, I suggested Urban Outfitters, which is one of my favorite stores. She went around talking about how everything was slutty, and I just felt extremely uncomfortable because I suggested it. Then, I suggest the dress thinking it was safe to mention, she gives me a look and continues to talk about how it’s immodest.

This year I was also dealing with an identity crisis with not going to college/uni and a lot of other things. Her father kept lecturing me about still not knowing where to go to school after my gap year and how I should be a “teacher” - it’s great you know that I like kids, but you also don’t know me that well. What makes you feel like you know me enough to tell me to do something as serious as serious as what to do with my life? But whatever, people are just like that sometimes. I shouldn’t be that offended by it, or make a big deal more than it is.

Overall, I genuinely had a good time though.

Life goes on and I have big personal circumstances happen to me again. S knows how sensitive college as a topic has been for me and she texts me this whole over the top message about where she committed with a special picture of her there, a slogan, and the whole thing. One of my biggest pet peeves but that’s completely her proghtive. She asks me where I’m going and I say I have extension. She asks me again where I’m committing too and I say again I have an extension. Later, I casually apologize, saying that I felt overwhelmed and shouldn’t have lost my cool as I did. She explained that she just didn’t understand what I meant.., but as days go on no matter how silly and ridiculous I’m being, I still feel upset over everything that has happened. And, I’ve just been ignoring her calls.

Am I being an asshole? What should I do?

Please be respectful when responding! Thanks.