u/helpamonkpls

I'm a 3rd year neurosurgery resident in western Europe.

When I was younger I thought of neurosurgeons as someone who really had it all figured out. They worked an extremely giving and important job, they were paid extremely well etc. They could pick and choose when and where to work, their expertise was almost mythical.

Now as I near the end of that dream it's becoming apparent that it was a pipe dream. There are so many neurosurgery residents in my country that it's unlikely I'll even have a job. The pay is the same as any other doctor which isn't really high to begin with, it affords you middle class life. I can't afford to travel and my pay won't take a huge bump when I'm done with residency, maybe 10% increase ish. So my life won't change much.

I have debt from school that is crushing me.

I'm living a pathetic life that is in no way anything like the life I imagined I would have.

I'm even working shitty side gigs to make ends meet.

I just needed to vent, I really feel like I fucked up. I worked so incredibly hard to get here and I have nothing to show for it other than being a slave of a system that apparently doesn't even need me.

Can you like my 8 year old sons movies on there? He really spent hours and hours for days to create a lot of different movies and he's sad because he only gets 2 likes and never more and i think that's him and his brother.

I would really appreciate it his handle is @craniotomi name is iloveiceland

I'm so fed up with my life.

My wife is a sahm but with the kids 6 and 8 there's little to do for her anymore other than drive them to school. I work graveyard shifts as a surgeon to provide for us and I've just been fed up with this setup for a while.

Mostly because she's not the typical trad wife you'd imagine, she can't cook, the house is a mess, sex is not something she even remotely enjoys...she's just

..there.

And recently I've realized that there is literally nothing that she knows that I don't know. There are no experiences, hobbies, knowledge or anything that she can bring to the table. If I were to ask her "what do you think of this" there's no reason to, I already know the answer. Date nights are just her and I looking at each other pretending to enjoy each other's company.

And tonight she broke the camels back when she proclaimed that she wanted more in life than this and that I had been keeping her from it. This came as a great surprise to me because when we met 13 years ago I agreed she could be a sahm but after we had kids and she was obviously not enjoying it, I kept telling her that she should do what she felt was right. There was no financial incentive since I make more than enough, she could choose to her heart's desire.

But nothing ever happened to any of her grand plans. And I never pushed not pouted, I simply asked that she did what felt right for her, this was a principle of mine. I was not going to be a controlling husband and I wanted her to live life as she wished.

That's how I knew that she was gas lighting me when she said I was keeping her from living a different life, simply because it was a principle for me. I'm quite sure she is confounding chores with a job, ie. She has suggested that I take on more of the chores in return for nothing which I have denied. Im not going to work 150% and do more chores when she doesn't work.

However taking on more chores if she goes to work is an entirely different story and I think she is confusing these two concepts as equal. Something for nothing vs something for something.

And after this conversation I'm just done, man. She brings nothing to the table but demands more and then accuses me of preventing her from bringing anything, when I've done nothing but enable her in every way possible to better herself.

As a side note that's been irking me she wants me to pay for plastic surgery to get breast reduction surgery, while I've told her to lose weight instead, this will reduce her breast size at least 30% but no, surgery is the only option. It's like there's no fucking way this woman can ever do anything that requires just an ounce of work and self discipline.