i come from a culture where homophobia is very normalized and i told my friends about a girl i liked for the first time and they were very homophobic
and told me it was a phase
i tried finding people here to talk about it but enh they see me as a weirdo
im so sick and tired of the way i feel.

I was diagnosed with anxiety in 7th grade and i have pretty bad issues with it, it causes me severe anger issues or drives me to self harm, ive been clean since december 2024 and i still have the scars and i genuinely dont wanna do it again neither do i wanna go to a therapist.
ive changed 4 therapist but i couldnt open up yo them cuz i honestly didnt know the reason of being so depressed
now that im older i realized ive always ran away from my problems and now i cant
i cant turn my feelings off anymore
im going thru a breakup with the guy who has been there for me from the start of it all, i cant study or eat properly
i sleep for 13+ hours a day and still feel very exhausted
i feel like relapsing and have very bad anxiety and panic attacks
i used to be on meds

ive always been like shit but him leaving me was my last straw and rn im getting an urge to relapse very badly

idk what to do i used to deal w all yhis by just not yhinking about it but i cant turn it off rn i feel so shitty and miserable

I was diagnosed with anxiety in 7th grade and i have pretty bad issues with it, it causes me severe anger issues or drives me to self harm, ive been clean since december 2024 and i still have the scars and i genuinely dont wanna do it again neither do i wanna go to a therapist.
ive changed 4 therapist but i couldnt open up yo them cuz i honestly didnt know the reason of being so depressed
now that im older i realized ive always ran away from my problems and now i cant
i cant turn my feelings off anymore
im going thru a breakup with the guy who has been there for me from the start of it all, i cant study or eat properly
i sleep for 13+ hours a day and still feel very exhausted
i feel like relapsing and have very bad anxiety and panic attacks
i used to be on meds as i have the prescription for it
but i need a medication which will make me entirely numb so i dont relapse
like i dont wanna think about anything at all
help

Eversince my breakup ive been looking for ways to escape it,
my life wasnt dependent on him but its the first time ive wver cared so much about anyone this might sound like a childish thing to say
ive tried flings, smoking, rotting in my bed, hang out w friends, hobbies and flings
but nothing works
i was about to makeout witha guy who likes another girl and then i realized how serious this is
then
i was rotting in my bed and i havent self harmed since a year, last time was december 2024
but i felt the urge to do so
so i just tried to ignore it and i watched a series on netflix
tmi
it was about suicide unfortunately and they were slitting their throats
and ive been getting a random urge to do so
help?