u/hh_fitlife

Corporate 9-5 at a large organisation, hybrid working. Is it really not a thing at these places that you just do your tasks, get paid, and go home?!

For context, I’m planning to leave the corporate world and start my own business. Mentally I checked out long time ago. I perform my tasks at work but in my head, I’m somewhere else. I have zero interest in networking in this industry (I even deactivated my LinkedIn account), and I don’t want to make friends with any of my colleagues.

Yet, my manager constantly talks to me about how important it is for my career progression to build relationships internally, have regular catch-ups with people from my team and also with senior management, and participate more in team socials (i.e. join them to the pub after working hours).

How do I tell him that I’m not here to make friends? If I was in a client facing role, it would make more sense. But my job is fully back office, and I think I can collaborate with anyone perfectly well without knowing where they went on holiday or what they took their dog to the vet with.

Am I in the wrong here??

UPDATE: I’m actually a quite social person, and in the industry I want to pivot into, I already have good relationships. So it’s not about me being a weirdo, absolutely not! They are just not my kind of people and that’s exactly why I want to change careers - I don’t have a sense of belonging in the industry I’m currently in.

I’m one month post show (first season) and my mental health has never been in such a bad state as now. I even won my class and everybody was congratulating me and saying I have a bright future and great potential in bikini. I was on cloud nine for a good two weeks post show but ever since then I’ve been feeling miserable and I don’t know if I should even compete at all.

I came to the painful realisation that the sole purpose of me working on my body was to finally be worthy enough to date, worthy enough to be chosen… Every time I saw my gym crush talking to other women, or a guy I fancied dating another girl, it gave me such an intense motivation to look better that I ended up developing a really good physique.

But that wasn’t enough because I still didn’t manage to get a man… I thought, maybe if I step on stage with an amazing body, beautiful hair, make up, the sparkly bikini, get some nice photos taken, and get more visibility online in the bodybuilding community, maybe then someone will look at me an say: “Damn, that’s my woman!”

That still never happened and now I’m experiencing a major identity crisis. Does it mean I’m not even meant to be an athlete? Am I not even a body builder, just another girl desparate for male attention? I realised it’s never been just the BB routine and the lifestyle and the stage that I enjoyed… It’s the ANTICIPATION of being noticed and chosen that was fuelling this hobby the whole time.

Am I completely cooked in this sport? How do I get my spark back and be as passionate about this hobby as I used to be before? Anyone ever felt the same after competing?

Earlier this year she switched from bikini to figure. After her first show she realised it wasn't her division either. Then, a few weeks ago she announced she would be back in bikini, while still talking about how she wants a division between bikini and figure where she could thrive.

Today, she announced her Texas Pro contract had been cancelled. I'm not familiar with how pro shows work at the IFBB - does this mean that the show promoter no longer wants her on stage, or was it her who pulled out of the agreement? It wasn't clear from the posts.

Ever since the post-show buzz and the happiness from winning faded away, I’ve been struggling with my mental health. A little post show refeed turned into a series of uncontrollable binges, which caused the worst water retention I’ve ever had, which made me look worse than I started prep. I’m also no longer busy with prep, so my mind is spiralling on all the negative stuff that I completely ignored during prep.

I started questioning myself, did the physique really only last for a couple of weeks around the comp and now I don’t even look like someone who goes to the gym? I feel like I lost my identity by this sudden change in my appearance. I lost my sparkle and even though I still love training, getting back to the rest of the routine (meal prep, eating on plan, recovery) is hard.

One month ago I was proud of myself for what I achieved, and now I’m even ashamed of talking about my comp if anyone asks how it was, as I don’t look like a bodybuilder anymore…

Experienced competitors - how do you remind yourself about the ‘why’ and find joy in bodybuilding again after the post show blues?

I started having a sharp pain in my left glute medius (which is also the side I pose with) a few weeks before my competition. I felt pain on certain exercises, especially kickbacks but I pushed through it.

Now I’m taking a short off season, and planning to step on stage in December again. The only improvement point my judges gave me is my upper glutes, so realistically I could step on stage in 5 months with a slightly improved physique.

But how can I go about this if it’s exactly my upper glute that I have this problem with? Physio recommended some exercises to me (goblet squats, glute bridges etc with small load) and skip kickbacks entirely until the pain goes away.

Even the stair master or just simply walking long distances is hard now, so a heavy glute load is not going to happen any time soon. I train more upper now but I’m worried I’ll go even more upper heavy than I currently am.

What would you do in my situation?

I don’t answer to any emails or messages but I do read them. And as much as I couldn’t care less about my family, it always hurts…

There are two main occasions in a year when I get contacted by my mother: my birthday, and Christmas. I’m even expecting these emails around these times but I never respond.

These messages always have a dual tone - my mom is desperately asking me to write at least a couple of lines how everything is going with me, and always closes with lots of love blah blah… But at the same time they always have an element of guilt tripping, e.g. “I hope you remember how nice Christmas parties we threw when you were a kid though, it’s a shame that now you choose to be lonely over the holidays”. Or, “how interesting that you are in touch with your half sister who is a struggling alcoholic but we are somehow not worthy of your time”. (My half sister is also NC with them.)

Is there a point, a certain amount of time after estrangement, when you can just stay neutral about these messages? I went NC three years ago so I’m pretty much permanently estranged but these messages always hit me like a bus…

I finished my first comp season two weeks ago and honestly, the past couple of weeks have been worse than anything I experienced during my whole prep.

The lack of structure, loss of purpose, embarrassment from the binges, or I don’t know what but something put me into such a negative mental state I’m not sure I can recover from this.

I gained several kilos after my show (up by 5-7 kg), and the worst part is that now it looks much different than after any other binges I did before. For the very first time, I’m having digestive issues, which makes me feel heavy and look like 6 month pregnant all day. My face is like a balloon. The amount of water I’m holding is ridiculous. I can just tell my body is totally inflamed.

What are your best practices for recovering after hitting such a rock bottom? I don’t even socialise because I’m so embarrassed by how I look… I’m also dreading getting a message from my coach because he will eventually ask how is everything going. I hate talking about my current situation.

I was so close to winning the overall at my first pro qualifier, the judges were really happy with my physique. It fired me up so much to go and try for the pro card next time, but now I feel like I’m getting further and further away from that dream, as I’m coming to realise how far I am mentally from being a pro athlete.

Please send help 😭😭

I miss the times when a man told me “get ready by 7, I booked a table at XY”. I’m not an old person but I firmly remember 10 years ago it was like that.

Today, if I as a woman don’t come up with the time and place for a date, it’s not happening.

They won’t stop sending WhatsApp messages about how their day is going but if I don’t suggest a next date, it’s not happening and we just stay pan pals after 1-2 dates.

I invite them to join me for an event and they just say “I can’t make it that day” but don’t offer an alternative time to meet instead. Then, on a random Friday would message me “Do you want to join me for a drink tonight?”. No planning, no organisation, just asking on the off chance I happen to be free...

Is it just me? Is it just lack of interest? Or did men really lose their ability to schedule a date and move things forward with a woman?

UPDATE: Please don’t DM me here on Reddit offering a date! I’m not that desperate that I would go on an anonymous date with whoever offers…

Külföldon jogszerűen nevet változtattam (UK, deed poll), viszont nem gondoltam ezt át eléggé, és nem csak a vezetéknevem változott, hanem a keresztnevemet is az angliai helyesirás szerint kezdtem el használni.

Ez nem házassággal kapcsolatos, csak személyes okokból szerettem volna a régi családnevemet megváltoztatni, és gondoltam akkor már praktikus lenne a keresztnevemet is “angolosítani”, mivel itt szeretnék letelepedni.

Évekig nem foglalkoztam ezzel - az angliai jogisítványomon és bankkártyákon az uj nevem szerepel, a magyar irataimon pedig a régi. De nemrég értesültem róla, hogy ez problémát okozhat majd a letelepedési kérelem benyújtásakor.

Elvileg van egy olyan jogszabály, hogy ha kulföldön már huzamos ideje az új nevedet használod, akkor nem névváltoztatási hanem névelismerési kérelmet tudsz beadni az anyakönyvj hivatalnak és elvileg ezt el kell ismerjék.

Van valaki aki sikerrel járt hasonló esetben?