u/hijaaabi

Hi

I'm a 30F getting to know a guy (37M). He was introduced through my BIL, who knows him and everyone around me only speaks well of him. We've been exchanging for a week now.

On paper it's genuinely good. I like a lot of things about him, he's mature, exercise a lot, he's simple, religious, same ethnicity as me, like to do activities. When he takes time to respond I'm getting a bit irritated because I enjoy talking with him.

He asks the compatibility questions kids, lifestyle, whether I work out, medication vs natural remedies, that kind of thing. But he doesn't really get curious about me as a person. I mentioned I lived abroad for two years, no follow-up. I told him I run my own business, no "why did you start?", nothing. When I open up or lead, he engages, but he rarely reaches for the deeper layer himself. Otherwise, if he says 1 thing to me I can ask him 4 questions because I really want to understand him.

I'm taking long-term compatibility seriously but I also need to feel there's a real connection, because being matched "on paper" isn't what carries a relationship. The piece I feel is missing is intellectual stimulation maybe ? I love talking about politics, economics, society, ideas or even my job, I think I love people who are passionate about something and I'm not sure that's his thing. As an HSP you know how deep things need to be for us. I can't only talk about what I want in a marriage, I want him to care and be curious about me as an individual.

I also wonder if he's intentionally keeping things from drifting into casual "chit-chat" because we're both religious. I'm naturally a bit more relaxed in conversation because it's important to feel if it's clicking between us so maybe I'm reading restraint as a lack of depth when it isn't.

I thought about telling him I needed more from him in a few weeks because it's too early but I wonder if I should end it now.

Les adultes,

J'ai besoin de conseil pour le permis.

Je (30F) fais partie de ces gens qui ont du mal avec le permis à cause de la surabondance d'informations. Je suis quelqu'un de très analytique, je réfléchis énormément alors qu'en conduite il faut agir vite. Je suis analyste donc c'est sympa pour mon métier mais pas pour conduire. En 2016 j'avais fait quelques heures avec une auto-école et j'en garde une très mauvaise expérience. J'ai finalement arrêté car j'avais des concours à passer et j'avais d'autres priorités financières.

Mais là j'ai pris un nouveau départ. L'année dernière j'ai eu mon code et là je suis vraiment déterminé à l'avoir, j'ai bientôt 31 ans et j'en ai marre des longs trajets en transports qui sont 3x moins court en voiture. Obtenir le permis c'est comme un rêve pour moi tellement ça me semble inatteignable 😂, pour vous dire. Je progresse mais lentement car le nombre de paramètres à prendre en compte est énorme pour moi. Par rapport à tout ça, mes moniteurs ont tendance à s'énerver car ils disent que je n'écoute pas les conseils, mais ce n'est pas ça, c'est qu'il y a tellement de choses à faire en un si court laps de temps que sois je ne fais pas ou bien je fais mal. Dès fois j'ai l'impression qu'ils me prennent pour une débile, ça me saoule un peu mais bon. Le point positif c'est que c'est aussi des automatismes donc quand j'intègre ces automatismes, ça passe. J'ai aussi dès fois du mal à m'adapter, on me dit une règle donc pour faire bien je vais la suivre suis mais à certains moments il faut ajuster. Il arrive aussi que je déconcentre car je me mets à penser à autre chose et ça non plus n'aide pas.

Je me demande si je ne devrais pas réviser ce qu'on me dit, faire des fiches que je revois chaque jour pour bien intégrer ça dans ma tête et être plus réactive une fois dans la voiture.

S'il y a des personnes avec un profil similaire je suis preneuse de vos conseils.

Merci

As salam aleykum, I've discovered this sub recently so I thought why not post there.

Age and Gender: 30F

Age Range that you would want/require in a prospect: 28-38

Location, and are you willing to relocate for a prospect? Paris and not willing to relocate at the moment.

Ethnicity, and are you more open to mixing? Mauritanian / Senegalese. Preference for west african but open to all ethnicities.

Marital Status - Single/Divorced/Children: Divorced

Ideal marriage timeline: less than a year

Five important characteristics you look for in a prospect: I'm looking for someone with taqwa and emotional maturity. Someone kind, grounded and ready for marriage.

State/specify your level of religiosity: I pray, wear the hijab and I'm learning the Quran. I don't listen to music.

Level of education, and what are you looking for? Graduated with a Master's degree, looking for that as well in a partner

Current Job Status: I work from home as a journalist

Do you want kids?: Yes In Sha Allah, I'm really looking forward to build a family

List 3 hobbies, or things you like to do in your spare time. I take care of myself : walks, eating well, for me it's a form of gratitude. Self care is also something I enjoy a lot such as skincare, etc. I'm very curious, I like economics, sociology, foreign languages, a good podcast, I'm always exploring something.

Not going to name anyone even though there's one influencer who got me thinking about all this. Don't want to focus on her specifically and honestly naming her would just be backbiting, please don't try to guess who it is.

Being muslim means following certain etiquettes and we all know l it's not easy. This world is full of fitnah, our nafs are weak, we have desires and it's normal we're human, but at some point we have to take a step back and ask ourselves what does Allah actually want from us ? And this is for men too btw, not just women. We all know the brothers who love to talk and act holy when they've got their own list of things to fix, I could write a whole separate post about them honestly, so much hypocrisy there.

So this influencer posts herself going to concerts, listening to music, all of it, on her story and highlights. That's something you keep to yourself but that's the whole issue with being an influencer, you share everything. She wears hijab too and yeah I know hijabis get targeted constantly, I've worn mine for almost 10 years in France so trust me I know how hard it it but hijab has rules. Neck, chest, long sleeves. She's not covered properly and when people remind her gently she's not happy about it. She got married recently too and keeps posting photo after photo with her husband. Keep that to yourself sis. Evil eye is real, Islam warned us about it.

Idk I feel like we lost the plot. The desires are normal, showing your husband and happiness, wanting to dress how you want, makeup, not feeling restricted, I get it. Nobody's saying you don't feel any of that but it's about choosing Allah over it when they pull different ways. That's literally what fighting the nafs is.

And I think part of why she gets so much support is she has this alternative style that was kind of missing in the muslim space, and people are drawn to that. I get it. There's this real urge to have your own personality especially when everyone, muslims and non-muslims, is telling you how you should be. Backing someone like her feels like pushing back against all of it. When I first started wearing hijab I refused to wear dresses or skirts, I didn't want to be seen as the docile hijabi woman. Now I couldn't care less, I love wearing both.

But that's exactly where it gets dangerous. Pushing back against people is one thing. The problem is when "being myself" slowly turns into pushing back against the deen too and you don't even notice you crossed the line.

Honestly I think we should just stop following these people. And I'll go further, following muslim influencers might be worse for us than non muslims. Because we see a sister doing something not permissible and we use her to justify it, "if she does it it's fine", when deep down we know it's not.

At the end of the day it all comes back to modesty. Not just how we dress, but how we live, what we choose to show and what we keep for ourselves and for Allah.

May Allah guide us all, amin.

I'd (30F) like to know if other women feel same.

I divorced last August, I realized my ex husband was abusive so I had to leave. I genuinely thought about staying some more months just for the sex (I'm ashamed to admit it). The last time we had sex was end of the year of 2024 and these last months my 🐱 has been hungry.

I'm at the point where I try not to think about sex anymore because I'm just so horny. I was at an event earlier and I saw this man, he was a speaker, he was so smart (I'm sapiosexual) and so hot, when I tell you I was ready to take off my clothes. Sometimes I feel horny when I hear men speak as well, I kind of feel like an animal, and I wonder if it's because it's been a long time or it's just how my libido has always been.

Sex is so important to me and I just feel like I'm no longer myself without it. I told my therapist that for me it's as if "my body was dead", just to show you how much it matters to me.

It's also weird because sometimes I don't exactly crave sex but I crave a dick inside me. Not necessarily the act but just being full, I can't explain it.

And I know some of you probably think I could do hookups or use toys but this is not what I want. I want to be do it with a man who knows me as a person, in a commited relationship, with a man who knows what I like in bed. I want to have sex with a man I feel safe with and can be vulnerable with. It matters even more to me now that I've had to go through an abusive relationship.

It makes me really sad.

Merci pour vos conseils, je vais passer à autre chose.