F25 / M24 - 5 weeks talking, sudden shift in communication after he says he needs space and feels overwhelmed
I’ve been speaking to someone for around 5 weeks. We haven’t met in person yet, but things developed quite naturally and quickly on both sides in terms of communication and emotional connection. Especially because neither of us expected to come into each other’s lives, I wasn’t looking for anything before this started.
To note, this has been a two-way street the entire time. We’ve both been consistently messaging, getting to know each other, and building a connection. However, more recently things have become quite confusing and emotionally draining.
We originally had an issue early on where he would kind of go quiet or “awol” on weekends, which we did talk about and resolve at the time. After that, things seemed fine again.
More recently though, a new issue came up. He sent me a reel, I jokingly said he should like it, and he said he doesn’t really engage with that type of content. As a joke I said “oh so you hate me then?” and he got quite defensive, saying I was basically expecting him to change his whole personality. We spoke it through afterwards and he said he reacted like that because he’s been emotionally overwhelmed and stressed this week.
However, what’s been difficult for me is that I’ve also been dealing with my own personal stress for weeks, but I haven’t taken it out on him in that way. It’s made me feel like the emotional reaction has been quite one-sided in that moment.
After that, we had a much bigger conversation
where he said the level of communication between us has started to feel overwhelming for him and that things have felt too intense before meeting in person. He also said he feels like he needs space and less pressure with messaging & that me wanting to know what he’s up to everyday & expecting replies every 1-2 hours is overbearing and he doesn’t want to grow to resent me (for context here i have never said the replies have to be often, i just said that i didn’t want him to only reply when he’s got nothing else to do)
What’s frustrating for me is that this is something he’s only brought up now, after weeks of us communicating in the same way. It also feels like this has come up at a time where he’s going through stress in his personal life, and it feels like he’s now pulling back and re-framing issues in the dynamic because of that.
For context, he has never been in a relationship before and has said it’s because he’s never found someone he feels truly compatible with, although he has had a number of situationships. This is now making me question whether there’s a pattern where things feel okay at first, but when stress or emotional intensity increases, he starts to pull away or see issues in the dynamic.
I will also be honest and say there may have been moments where I’ve come across as slightly overbearing, but my intentions were never to pressure him, just to be engaged and communicate in the way that felt natural between us.
From my side, I’ve also tried to meet him in the middle a lot throughout this. I’ve adjusted communication when needed and tried to be understanding, but it currently feels like very little of the compromise has gone in my direction. It feels quite one-sided at the moment in terms of adjustments being made.
Overall, I’m feeling quite emotionally drained and confused because it feels like things have shifted quite suddenly, and I’m not sure whether this is normal early-stage dating adjustment or a deeper compatibility issue around communication, emotional pacing, and how we handle stress.
Would really appreciate honest outside perspectives on this.