u/honeycombmnm

I moved to a Western country as an international student during covid. I really wanted to build a life here, so I put pretty much everything into making that happen.

During uni breaks, while other people were travelling, I was working part-time jobs related to my degree so I could build experience. After graduating, I worked as a teacher, so I didn’t get annual leave, just school holidays. In my first year, I spent every school holiday making sure I met the requirements to stay in the country. In my second year, I spent my holidays moving house, buying furniture, and preparing for a career change. Now I’m in my third year of working and have changed careers, but I’m on a contract that keeps getting renewed, so it’s still hard to plan any trips.

I don’t regret working hard because it’s helped me build the life I wanted. But at the same time, I look around and see my friends who grew up here doing Euro summers, trips to Japan, Vietnam, and everywhere else. I’ve never really had the chance to travel.

One thing that’s been getting to me lately is that whenever I meet new people, travel always comes up. People bond over stories about the places they’ve been, and I don’t really have anything to contribute. It makes me feel like I missed out on a big part of being in my early 20s, and I sometimes feel a bit inferior because of it.

Any advice?

My boyfriend has been having a rough time at work, so I bought him a bracelet with a good luck/protection meaning from a niche brand. I really wanted to surprise him tomorrow when I see him. We haven’t given each other things like jewellery in the past.

It arrived today, but one bead on it looks slightly faulty (there’s a small extra bit of metal on the edge). It’s not broken, just visibly imperfect. I don’t think they do refunds, and an exchange would probably take at least two weeks. I’ve already waited more than a week for this one to arrive.

So guys, would you accept something meaningful but slightly faulty, or should I wait and try to exchange it?

I’ve noticed that whenever I meet new people, especially in groups, conversations naturally drift towards travelling. Travel stories seem to bring people together so easily. Tonight I met some of my boyfriend’s friends for the first time, and a lot of the conversation revolved around past trips and future plans. My boyfriend is also going on a trip with one of his mates, and everyone had stories to share.

Meanwhile, I feel like I have nothing to contribute. I never really had the chance to travel. I moved countries as an international student and spent the last few years focusing on surviving and building a stable life. I was trying to get a good job, secure my visa, and eventually ended up changing career paths. I’ve actually achieved a lot in the past few years and I’m proud of where I am now, but I can’t help feeling sad when these conversations come up.

I see friends my age talking about Europe summers, backpacking, and all these experiences that seem almost universal. Most of my friends are locals and didn’t have to go through the same pressures I did, and I feel hard to talk to people about my experience because they don’t understand how hard it is. Sometimes I feel like I’m behind or like I missed my chance to have that stage of life of having fun.

Logically, I know life isn’t a race and that 24 is still young, but emotionally I can’t shake the feeling that I somehow did adulthood “wrong” by prioritising stability over experiences.

Any suggestions?

I’m curious about emotional connection from the male perspective.

I’m someone who naturally talks a lot about my feelings, thoughts, life events, worries, etc., and I realised not everyone connects that way.

For the men here, what helps you build deeper emotional connections with a partner? What makes you feel emotionally safe or comfortable opening up?

Does it come from time, shared experiences, being asked questions, practical support, physical affection, doing activities together, or something else?

I’m interested because I sometimes feel like I connect by talking and sharing, and I’m wondering if men often experience emotional closeness differently.

I don’t really know what to do with this guilt and wanted some outside perspective.

Before I started dating my boyfriend, I used to complain about him to my friends and colleagues a lot. We met on a dating app, and at the start he genuinely wasn’t very good at talking to girls. Conversations felt awkward, he didn’t ask many questions, and I kind of assumed it was because he grew up very comfortably and was a bit spoiled / sheltered. Back then I talked to my friends and colleagues about multiple guys I was seeing, which felt normal at the time.

But after a few months, I realised I completely misread him. He’s actually incredibly sweet, caring, and thoughtful. He just genuinely had no experience talking to women and came across awkward when he was actually just inexperienced. Our relationship is going strong now, I care about him a lot and love him so so much.

The thing that made me spiral was that recently my colleagues were talking about movies, and one colleague suggested I should go on a movie date. Another colleague then joked that my boyfriend is a “nepo baby” and “wouldn’t want to sit in a cinema with us peasants.” She laughed and I suddenly felt awful, because I realised those comments came from things I had previously said about him.

Now I just feel like an asshole for the way I talked about him before I properly knew him. I feel like I unfairly shaped other people’s perception of him, and now it almost feels awkward or embarrassing to suddenly be like “actually we’re in a really happy relationship and he’s genuinely lovely.”

Has anyone else experienced this kind of guilt after getting to know someone properly? And is there even a way to undo the impression you gave people early on?