u/hoodie-lover

I recently started doing the 10-day Goenka course and after day 2 I could not take it anymore so I left in the middle of it. Now I can’t help it not thinking that I never be disciplined enough to be happy. I know Intellectually that is not true but this feeling stayed with me. is this common? anyone else have this experience? what can I do?

I had a lot of resistance in some way I didn't know what I'm getting myself into and when the chanting started and when they played Goenka(who has very hypnotizing voice) saying "surrender... surrender yourself..." I just didn't want to move foreward with this and thought maybe there is no coming back from it. I really need an advice.

For context I’m 24 years old and I’m on a trip in Thailand. While I was home I signed to the 10 day vipassana at dhamma simanta.
I’ve had some problems with my metal health in the past and yesterday (a day before the retreat) I had very bad nightmare.
I don’t know what to cause on one hand I don’t want to cancel it but on the other hand I really scared.
What would you guys think? 🙏

Tell me what you think: https://x.com/unfuckmylife24/status/2073036293022367809?s=46