u/iamallandallisgood

Hi, all. I have BPD so my feelings may be wrong and I want outside advice to help understand this.

I told my fiancé I was worried about what will happen when he attends law school because lawyers I’ve spoken to have told me he will never see me and that I will become his second priority. He said that maybe we should break-up and I should find someone who will prioritize me.

He only decided to become a lawyer 2 years ago. It’s not his passion and it’s not his dream, he is only pursuing it because he thinks it will make him a lot of money. He told me if he found out law would not make a lot of money that he would find something else to do.

We haven’t broken up yet because our friends say to feel out the first semester. But I feel like he’s picking making money over me. He also said he’s choosing a life of success, implying he’d be happy if he was successful even if we weren’t together. Which contradicts him saying he doesn’t want me out of his life. He even said he’d be okay with being single forever if he made money.

I chose not to pursue grad school after he told me we couldn’t afford grad school and law school. So I don’t understand how he could say that he loves me when he is putting money over me. I don’t feel loved. He says that him picking money/success/career over me and choosing to not be with me in favor for them doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. I don’t understand that. Can someone help me understand? And also, if it’s possible, how do we preserve this relationship?

I understand that the internet enables antisocial behavior and that the people on it are strangers of all walks of life and all different personalities, but I’ve just been unlucky to have some disheartening encounters in the past two days. I posted a post on law school subs asking for advice on how to support my fiancé going into law school and what advice he might benefit from to succeed. I got people telling me he will never see me and I will be his second priority, and also that he won’t accomplish his goals (he is very ambitious). So I made a post on the girl dinner sub about how I’m worried about him never being able to see me because I was neglected growing up and I got so many comments telling me he should leave me and I’m unsupportive. I don’t understand. I have diagnosed: BPD, OCD, GAD, Bipolar 2, ADHD; suspected: ASD. So it’s just been extra hard for me to be so harshly criticized. Moreover, I’m going through a lot because my fiancé and I have been talking about possibly breaking up because we want different things and I need some things he can’t provide. So I’m hurting personally too. It’s tough right now. I also made a post 2 weeks ago about how I’ve been in a depression and have neurodivergent burnout and I’d been stressed because my fiancé didn’t understand it and was expecting me and pressuring me to do more than I was able to handle (one of the reasons we’ve been talking about breaking up). Thank you for your time.

I understand that the internet enables antisocial behavior and that the people on it are strangers of all walks of life and all different personalities, but I’ve just been unlucky to have some disheartening encounters in the past two days. I posted a post on law school subs asking for advice on how to support my fiancé going into law school and what advice he might benefit from to succeed. I got people telling me he will never see me and I will be his second priority, and also that he won’t accomplish his goals (he is very ambitious). So I made a post on the girl dinner sub about how I’m worried about him never being able to see me because I was neglected growing up and I got so many comments telling me he should leave me and I’m unsupportive. I don’t understand. I have diagnosed: BPD, OCD, GAD, Bipolar 2, ADHD; suspected: ASD. So it’s just been extra hard for me to be so harshly criticized. Moreover, I’m going through a lot because my fiancé and I have been talking about possibly breaking up because we want different things and I need some things he can’t provide. So I’m hurting personally too. It’s tough right now. I also made a post 2 weeks ago about how I’ve been in a depression and have neurodivergent burnout and I’d been stressed because my fiancé didn’t understand it and was expecting me and pressuring me to do more than I was able to handle (one of the reasons we’ve been talking about breaking up). Thank you for your time.

It seems unempathetic to the students that attend them. And it seems like it could be considered immature behavior that is not becoming of a professional. But I am unfamiliar with this behavior so I would like to know if it’s reasonable to oppose this kind of response? I read a comment from someone who was T170 and they were able to transfer to a T35, so I don’t think it’s fair to regard schools below a T100 ranking in this disrespectful and dismissive manner. Also, is there a chance I’m misunderstanding what is being said here? I’m neurodivergent, so I don’t always understand things correctly at first. If I’m reading this incorrectly, I’d appreciate a clarification so I can comprehend it better. Thank you!

I understand that every law student is overachieving, but what are some practical suggestions (e.g. study, note-taking, and exam tips and strategies) and resource recommendations for someone going into 1L who wants to do their best and always competes with their past self? Thank you!

LSAT score: 164

Edit: My post was initially much, much longer, but after reflection I realized my words were superfluous and too intimate, so I shaved it down for brevity and to get to the heart of what I intended to ask for advice on.

Hi, all! My fiancé doesn’t have a reddit account so I’m asking on behalf of him because he’s trying to prepare as much as possible for his first semester in August. He is extremely ambitious because he wants to transfer to a better school (he’s grateful to have been accepted to one nearby, but he wants to aim for the more prestigious one a little farther if he can) and he wants to work in biglaw. He already went to a networking event for his school (they’re very good about hosting these events) and got some information he needed, like the numbers for certain goals he wants to accomplish (i.e. the top 5 students of their class year often get the best internships, as can be expected). He does have to work while in school, so he’s searching for a part-time job now (he works full-time atm). And he wants to maintain a healthy balance with school, work, and life so he doesn’t burnout. What are some pearls of wisdom you can offer for an overachieving 1L student? Thank you in advance!

Hi, all! My fiancé doesn’t have a reddit account so I’m asking on behalf of him because he’s trying to prepare as much as possible for his first semester in August. He is extremely ambitious because he wants to transfer to a better school (he’s grateful to have been accepted to one nearby, but he wants to aim for the more prestigious one a little farther if he can) and he wants to work in biglaw. He already went to a networking event for his school (they’re very good about hosting these events) and got some information he needed, like the numbers for certain goals he wants to accomplish (i.e. the top 5 students of their class year often get the best internships, as can be expected). He does have to work while in school, so he’s searching for a part-time job now (he works full-time atm). And he wants to maintain a healthy balance with school, work, and life so he doesn’t burnout. What are some pearls of wisdom you can offer for an overachieving 1L student? Thank you in advance!

This is going to be long because I have some context I need to provide to explain why I feel the way I do and why my fiancé feels the way he does.

TRIGGER WARNING: ab*se and su*cidal ideation

My fiancé and I have been together for 3.5 years and best friends for 7 years before that. Recently, we have not been seeing eye to eye on a situation that is now stressing me out greatly.

I grew up in an abusive, hostile household and I was a gifted student put in a special program for gifted kids that lasted all the way from 3rd grade to 12th grade. I am also the eldest daughter of 3. My parents were always fighting and my mom was constantly emotionally, verbally, and physically abusing my dad, brother, sister, and me. As a result, it was a traumatic and high-stress environment that led me to being stressed every waking moment and having nightmares when I sleep.

I also have several mental disorders and two mental disabilities (one confirmed and one suspected). I have BPD, bipolar 2, GAD, OCD, ADHD, and highly likely to have Autism (not self-diagnosed, just suspecting and pre-evaluation). As a result, living in an extremely toxic household and being held to extreme expectations by my parents (my mom is also Asian and fits the stereotype of a “tiger mom” and likely narcissistic and has always pushed me to pursue the highest excellence possible), has made me exhausted. I also was in a tumultuous 2 year relationship with my ex who also was likely narcissistic and constantly disrespected and manipulated me, leaving me crying almost everyday for the entirety of our relationship.

I worked all throughout college, which I attended for 7 years because I got my associate degree first and then I accidentally took an extra year because I was too nervous to speak to my advisor, and I also had to retake 3 classes when pursuing my bachelor degree because I was in such a bad mental state that I couldn’t complete the finals despite being the student in class who answered all the questions and engaged in comprehensive discussions. At one point I even worked 2 jobs (and one was for Amazon at a warehouse where I had 10 hour shifts on my feet, so it was BRUTAL. I also had to be in the below zero freezer at least once a day, but usually several times a shift). For my final year in college, I completed a thesis so I was stressed working on that all the time. I also pursued writing projects outside of school and attempted to build a business through a blog.

I ended up leaving my most recent and longest job in April 2025 because my mental health was getting worse and I was suffering from “office politics” (I kept getting told I was going to get a promotion for 2 years and then management changed and said I was only doing satisfactorily despite being the hardest worker there according to my coworkers (I often did the things people didn’t want to do, I knew that job like the back of my hand, I took on extra projects, I was always fastidious where others were lackadaisical, I constantly received compliments from my coworkers and our customers. Customers would go out of their way to find my managers to compliment my service. I once helped someone from corporate who then put in a good word for me because she was impressed with my work. I got mentioned positively in Google reviews. But the managers ended up promoting their friends instead of me, despite telling me everyone loved me)). I also needed to lock-in for my final semester because I was going to be taking intensive courses.

Then, at the end of August 2025, my grandmother died of stage 4 breast cancer. I was a complete mess. I had to miss the first two weeks of my last semester because I had been visiting her in her country and then we had the vigil and funeral. I was lucky that all of my professors were extremely understanding and let me make up the work when I got back. I am still grieving my grandma to this day because I’ll just think of her and break down crying.

I attended school starting in the middle of September and started working at my old job again in November as a seasonal employee because I needed money. I finished school (graduated!) in December and was let go from my job in January 2026 because of the seasonal contract’s completion. Since then, I’ve been trying to focus on myself. I’ve done some job hunting, but the market is terrible and I keep getting rejected both for jobs in my field and out of my field. Hell, I got rejected from Walmart despite helping two employees get their jobs there (family members who I helped with their applications because they didn’t speak English the best and also they had almost no customer service experience whereas I had 8 years of experience). I almost had a job as a bank teller, but after passing both interviews and the managers telling me I had good answers, I got a call that they put a hold on recruitment for everyone and no one was getting hired. I also got an interview for a job at a grocery store. The HR interviewer said she would have to check with the cashier manager to see if she needed anyone. I got a message later that they weren’t hiring.

On top of this, my depression from my bipolar disorder has been extremely bad lately. I’ve had days where I couldn’t get out of bed and my suicidal ideation has been persistent and dangerous. Life has also been really hard for me lately. Just taking care of myself and doing basic things to live has been stressful for me. I do them, but they overwhelm me. I don’t have much energy for anything, and my hypersomnia has been flaring up (I’ve slept for 24 hours straight once in May and once in June. Otherwise I sleep for 12-18 hours. I’m still exhausted and without energy when I wake up).

Because of this, I’ve mostly been staying home and doing my best to fight my depression and try to exist in a way that is comfortable for me. I am exhausted from a life that has been turbulent and unforgiving and I have been so happy to just rest and recover from all of the time I’ve suffered from. I still live at home with my parents, but my mom is also a lot calmer now. She still has her moments and they are extreme and bad (she’ll scream at the top of her lungs and throw things), but the majority of the time she is neutral and now she’s also busy with work (she was a SAHM when I was growing up).

My fiancé had a slightly better life than me, but we share some similarities too. His parents were both narcissistic and did fight quite a bit, but he wasn’t incessantly abused like I was. He at least had family time and family vacations, which my family never did. He was also in the same gifted student program I was in. He is also the eldest son of 3, also with a brother and a sister. My fiancé graduated from the same school I did a year before I did. He’s been working at the same restaurant since 2023, but he was part-time then and is now full-time so he usually works 11 hour shifts, 5 days a week. He is also pursuing a career in law. He had been studying for his LSAT since the beginning of 2024 and took it near the end of 2025. He is starting law school in August. I know he’s stressed out, and I feel bad for him, but he refuses to work less because his student loans are expensive (he went to a different school before the one we graduated from and it was way more expensive, so he still has loans from his time there).

The issue we have is fairly recent. It started about a month ago and now it’s been brought up literally every single time we see each other.

Basically, he thinks I’m not doing enough and I’m not trying hard enough. He keeps expecting me to be more ambitious and to set goals and achieve them. He keeps telling me that I should be actively productive on a daily basis. He approaches it in a controlling way that only makes me feel bad about myself and feel stressed out. This is a text I wanted to send to one of our friends, but decided not to because he refused to give her his perspective because he felt it was “inappropriate,” despite encouraging me to tell our friends my problems:

“Hey, (friend), (fiancé) and I want your input on smth. Basically, I want to pursue a life that makes me happy and comfortable. I don’t want to do stressful things because I grew up in a traumatic environment where I was stressed out literally every moment ever and so I don’t want to keep living like that. (Fiancé) wants me to be ambitious and make goals and achieve them. To me, if that happens, that happens, but it’s not something I’m actively seeking out right now. I just want to focus on feeling okay, but especially because, like I told you, I’ve been incredibly depressed since school and work ended and I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with anything on top of that. (Fiancé) has been constantly pushing me to do more and try harder and I just can’t right now, and I feel like he’s expecting too much of me. He thinks he’s helping even though I told him multiple times he is not helping. He brings it up every single time we see each other, how I need to do more and try harder. I keep telling him that I feel like it’s very controlling, and while he apologized, he still does it. He can also give you his perspective too, obviously. But mine is that I want to focus on being okay and I feel like he’s harassing me on something that I already set a boundary with.”

I keep telling him how I feel about it, but he keeps bringing it up anyway. He feels that since he’s pursuing his ambitions that I should get on his level because he values self improvement (which I do too, btw, I just don’t have the fortitude for it right now).

I think we simply have different values. He also asked me if I plan to be like this forever and I told him that I don’t know what the future holds because I don’t know how I’ll feel then. The other day he seemed to understand (he said “you’ve suffered a lot. You deserve rest, the more I think about it.”), but then he brought it up again today. He said that since I’m the closest person to him, he projects his own feelings onto me because he feels like he’s not doing enough and he needs to do more, so he feels the same about me. I don’t think that’s fair. I think we have different values, and that’s okay, but I don’t think it’s okay for him to force his onto me.

What should we do? I don’t want to break up with him because this is not a dealbreaker for me. But it’s an agonizing conflict and I would like a solution and a resolution. Thank you so much if you read all that. Be well.

This is going to be long because I have some context I need to provide to explain why I feel the way I do and why my fiancé feels the way he does.

My fiancé and I have been together for 3.5 years and best friends for 7 years before that. Recently, we have not been seeing eye to eye on a situation that is now stressing me out greatly.

I grew up in an abusive, hostile household and I was a gifted student put in a special program for gifted kids that lasted all the way from 3rd grade to 12th grade. I am also the eldest daughter of 3. My parents were always fighting and my mom was constantly emotionally, verbally, and physically abusing my dad, brother, sister, and me. As a result, it was a traumatic and high-stress environment that led me to being stressed every waking moment and having nightmares when I sleep.

I also have several mental disorders and two mental disabilities (one confirmed and one suspected). I have BPD, bipolar 2, GAD, OCD, ADHD, and highly likely to have Autism. As a result, living in an extremely toxic household and being held to extreme expectations by my parents (my mom is also Asian and fits the stereotype of a “tiger mom” and likely narcissistic and has always pushed me to pursue the highest excellence possible), has made me exhausted. I also was in a tumultuous 2 year relationship with my ex who also was likely narcissistic and constantly disrespected and manipulated me, leaving me crying almost everyday for the entirety of our relationship.

I worked all throughout college, which I attended for 7 years because I got my associate degree first and then I accidentally took an extra year because I was too nervous to speak to my advisor, and I also had to retake 3 classes when pursuing my bachelor degree because I was in such a bad mental state that I couldn’t complete the finals despite being the student in class who answered all the questions and engaged in comprehensive discussions. At one point I even worked 2 jobs (and one was for Amazon at a warehouse where I had 10 hour shifts on my feet, so it was BRUTAL. I also had to be in the below zero freezer at least once a day, but usually several times a shift). For my final year in college, I completed a thesis so I was stressed working on that all the time. I also pursued writing projects outside of school and attempted to build a business through a blog.

I ended up leaving my most recent and longest job in April 2025 because my mental health was getting worse and I was suffering from “office politics” (I kept getting told I was going to get a promotion for 2 years and then management changed and said I was only doing satisfactorily despite being the hardest worker there according to my coworkers (I often did the things people didn’t want to do, I knew that job like the back of my hand, I took on extra projects, I was always fastidious where others were lackadaisical, I constantly received compliments from my coworkers and our customers. Customers would go out of their way to find my managers to compliment my service. I once helped someone from corporate who then put in a good word for me because she was impressed with my work. I got mentioned positively in Google reviews. But the managers ended up promoting their friends instead of me, despite telling me everyone loved me)). I also needed to lock-in for my final semester because I was going to be taking intensive courses.

Then, at the end of August 2025, my grandmother died of stage 4 breast cancer. I was a complete mess. I had to miss the first two weeks of my last semester because I had been visiting her in her country and then we had the vigil and funeral. I was lucky that all of my professors were extremely understanding and let me make up the work when I got back. I am still grieving my grandma to this day because I’ll just think of her and break down crying.

I attended school starting in the middle of September and started working at my old job again in November as a seasonal employee because I needed money. I finished school (graduated!) in December and was let go from my job in January 2026 because of the seasonal contract’s completion. Since then, I’ve been trying to focus on myself. I’ve done some job hunting, but the market is terrible and I keep getting rejected both for jobs in my field and out of my field. Hell, I got rejected from Walmart despite helping two employees get their jobs there (family members who I helped with their applications because they didn’t speak English the best and also they had almost no customer service experience whereas I had 8 years of experience). I almost had a job as a bank teller, but after passing both interviews and the managers telling me I had good answers, I got a call that they put a hold on recruitment for everyone and no one was getting hired. I also got an interview for a job at a grocery store. The HR interviewer said she would have to check with the cashier manager to see if she needed anyone. I got a message later that they weren’t hiring.

On top of this, my depression from my bipolar disorder has been extremely bad lately. I’ve had days where I couldn’t get out of bed and my suicidal ideation has been persistent and dangerous. Life has also been really hard for me lately. Just taking care of myself and doing basic things to live has been stressful for me. I do them, but they overwhelm me. I don’t have much energy for anything, and my hypersomnia has been flaring up (I’ve slept for 24 hours straight once in May and once in June. Otherwise I sleep for 12-18 hours. I’m still exhausted and without energy when I wake up).

Because of this, I’ve mostly been staying home and doing my best to fight my depression and try to exist in a way that is comfortable for me. I am exhausted from a life that has been turbulent and unforgiving and I have been so happy to just rest and recover from all of the time I’ve suffered from. I still live at home with my parents, but my mom is also a lot calmer now. She still has her moments and they are extreme and bad (she’ll scream at the top of her lungs and throw things), but the majority of the time she is neutral and now she’s also busy with work (she was a SAHM when I was growing up).

My fiancé had a slightly better life than me, but we share some similarities too. His parents were both narcissistic and did fight quite a bit, but he wasn’t incessantly abused like I was. He at least had family time and family vacations, which my family never did. He was also in the same gifted student program I was in. He is also the eldest son of 3, also with a brother and a sister. My fiancé graduated from the same school I did a year before I did. He’s been working at the same restaurant since 2023, but he was part-time then and is now full-time so he usually works 11 hour shifts, 5 days a week. He is also pursuing a career in law. He had been studying for his LSAT since the beginning of 2024 and took it near the end of 2025. He is starting law school in August. I know he’s stressed out, and I feel bad for him, but he refuses to work less because his student loans are expensive (he went to a different school before the one we graduated from and it was way more expensive, so he still has loans from his time there).

The issue we have is fairly recent. It started about a month ago and now it’s been brought up literally every single time we see each other.

Basically, he thinks I’m not doing enough and I’m not trying hard enough. He keeps expecting me to be more ambitious and to set goals and achieve them. He keeps telling me that I should be actively productive on a daily basis. He approaches it in a controlling way that only makes me feel bad about myself and feel stressed out. This is a text I wanted to send to one of our friends, but decided not to because he refused to give her his perspective because he felt it was “inappropriate,” despite encouraging me to tell our friends my problems:

“Hey, (friend), (fiancé) and I want your input on smth. Basically, I want to pursue a life that makes me happy and comfortable. I don’t want to do stressful things because I grew up in a traumatic environment where I was stressed out literally every moment ever and so I don’t want to keep living like that. (Fiancé) wants me to be ambitious and make goals and achieve them. To me, if that happens, that happens, but it’s not something I’m actively seeking out right now. I just want to focus on feeling okay, but especially because, like I told you, I’ve been incredibly depressed since school and work ended and I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with anything on top of that. (Fiancé) has been constantly pushing me to do more and try harder and I just can’t right now, and I feel like he’s expecting too much of me. He thinks he’s helping even though I told him multiple times he is not helping. He brings it up every single time we see each other, how I need to do more and try harder. I keep telling him that I feel like it’s very controlling, and while he apologized, he still does it. He can also give you his perspective too, obviously. But mine is that I want to focus on being okay and I feel like he’s harassing me on something that I already set a boundary with.”

I keep telling him how I feel about it, but he keeps bringing it up anyway. He feels that since he’s pursuing his ambitions that I should get on his level because he values self improvement (which I do too, btw, I just don’t have the fortitude for it right now).

I think we simply have different values. He also asked me if I plan to be like this forever and I told him that I don’t know what the future holds because I don’t know how I’ll feel then. The other day he seemed to understand (he said “you’ve suffered a lot. You deserve rest, the more I think about it.”), but then he brought it up again today. He said that since I’m the closest person to him, he projects his own feelings onto me because he feels like he’s not doing enough and he needs to do more, so he feels the same about me. I don’t think that’s fair. I think we have different values, and that’s okay, but I don’t think it’s okay for him to force his onto me.

What should we do? I don’t want to break up with him because this is not a dealbreaker for me. But it’s an agonizing conflict and I would like a solution and a resolution. Thank you so much if you read all that. Be well.

Hi, friends! I’m trying to start a business, but I have AuDHD and struggle really hard to actually follow through on the plans I make for the day and the goals that I have. I basically would like someone to hold me accountable to make sure I actually do things I need to. When I worked a traditional job, I found the pressure of having a manager oversee me kept me focused. Right now I’m burnt out from working traditionally which is why I’m trying to build a business and I’m also having trouble finding work in my degree field anyway, so the stars have just aligned for me to make working for myself work.

I’d really like for someone to help me with this project by making sure I keep on track. I think ideally I would work best with a girl because I’m primarily female-presenting so I’d be able to relate to her better (I’m gender fluid, but spend 80% of my time presenting as a girl and I’m AFAB).

Thank you so much for reading this!

Have a good day.