He filed a DV report against me please help
I need your honest opinion.
We never get physical. One time 2.5 years ago when he betrayed me and lied to me we got in a huge fight and we’re breaking up. We both drank. I came at him physically once. He’s much stronger than me. I never did again.. we got in a huge fight again 2.5 years later (I mean we argue and stuff but don’t get physical) and he just kept poking at me and twisting the knife with his works just trying to provoke me… I was writing down notes for therapy.. he strong armed me and grabbed my phone and threw it in floor. I was trying to get off the bed to get my phone he held me down in the bed and was like holding me down and wouldn’t let me go (I have a baby with him and I’m 14 wks pregnant) he grabbed my by the stomach and I screamed I’m pregnant! After when he kept getting in my face ( I was back on bed breastfeeding baby back to sleep) and trying to get a reaction out of me triggering me with hurtful words so I like kicked him off the bed to leave me alone and he’s like oooh you’re gonna do that? I should record. He starts recording me. Zooming in on my face laughing… I get up again he’s still pointing his camera at me. I’m not even doing anything but giving him the death stare to stop. I’m sooo fed up at that point. I’m like stop should I call the police?! I dial 911 just to tease him.. and hang up quickly and it was too late.. they call back and I’m like I’m sorry I swiped the SOS button in my screen on accident everything is good. Cop drove over here to check in 10 later I said it’s all good and he drove away. The rest of the night we were fighting and he kept recording me and I was so mad I was trying to grab the phone from him obviously he’s stronger… as my arm jerks and hit him in the neck he’s like did you just punch me in the neck? (Purposely saying this bc he’s recording a video still) and then he starts threatening me like great now I have a video of you to send in. I call the cops and they’re gonna arrest you. Mind you u have three kids of my own from my late husband who passed away 5 years ago. He is now threatening me to have me arrested and have my kids taken from me. Nothing can trigger someone more like being told your kids taken from you. I start crying and pushing him like you’re gonna threaten to take my kids from me?! Are you kidding? He’s like ohhh you’re coming at me again? And then baby wakes up she needs to be breastfed back to sleep and he grabs her as she’s crying and saying yes I’m not giving her to you she’s not safe around you.. I’m like omg stop torturing her let her go back to sleep. Finally gives her back and says ok but I have to watch you. Then we are arguing he’s like you hurt my wrist (probably when he was holding phone and i was trying to grab it) and I’m like oh I’m sorry you’re weak? He’s like ok. That’s it. I’m calling cops they’re gonna report you. And walks out like he’s calling…. Im laying there wondering if he is really gonna do that if I should get dressed if they’re gonna come for me. He ended up going to sleep in basement. Next day we got into it again and he gets mad and he’s like that’s it I’m going…. I’m trying to celebrate our daughter’s first birthday and do a smash cake and he leaves. He said to get away. But he filed a police report again me saying I punched him in the throat and got on top of him and had my arm around his neck… he sent them video of me trying to grab his phone and where he says did you just punch me in my throat. He tells me a day later and says I have to go get questioned by police. My whole world comes crashing down. Cops said if he didn’t close the case I would be arrested. I feel completely betrayed. Yea I reacted and I was hurt like a hurt little girl fighting a man who’s stronger than me and also bullying me until I reached a breaking point. It’s not like we get physical or I’ve attacked him or come at him like that like this is consistent thing??? I understand filing a report when you’re abused but I didn’t even hurt him, he told cops he’s not hurt but his neck was sore… that I got in top of him while he was sitting and tried to choke him… he agreed to close case and told me to tell the cops I just pushed him and tried grabbing his phone. They have me down for strangulation and 2 churns of domestic battery 😭😭😭 (hitting him and throat and punch in the chest— which literally I barely did that I more like pushed him with my fist, as he was backing up) I was so enraged and hurt by this betrayal. I came home and he’s asking for forgiveness and that it was a “mistake” but this is now in the system under my name forever. I am so heartbroken and sad. I’m pregnant with your second child back to back. I’m exhausted and tired. We got in a fight. We could’ve come back together and made things right. It’s almost like this manipulative tactic of poking someone until they react and then blaming them for reacting and playing the victim. Now he can hang hang it over my head that he can just make one more call and I will be arrested. The first day he was apologizing and saying he made a mistake and he will do anything to me this relationship. Then the next day he’s threatening me again and saying hey at least I know he will never raise your hand at me again and if you do, I will call the police and you will be arrested.. I don’t want to live in fear with a man like this. Do you think that he did the right thing reporting me after this?? Also the fact that he wants to just make up and forgive each other and move on in the relationship and I just can’t see that happening. I feel like he’s betrayed me on a level that I just don’t see him as the same person anymore. I feel so hurt and backstabbed and I’m not making excuses for my actions. I just think that from one fight like this I think it’s not fair that he reported me like that and they put me down for three different assaults or whatever I am so sad… I have three kids of my own and two with him and about to be a mother of five. We had a good life together. I own the house and he lived with his mother and then when we met, he moved in after a short time then he has it good he doesn’t even pitch in as much and gets to save money on the side for himself while I cover the costs mostly for everything… sure he split some bills for him, but to even rent a house like this, he would be paying so much more. I don’t know what the right thing to do is just forgive him and make peace and move on for the sake of family and kids and work through counseling and therapy? Do I just keep him at a distance now and we work on coparenting? I’m just so sad and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. If he goes to court against me and we fully break up then he has this report against me to use against me to try to get why he wants. He’s living at his mom’s now. And he has included his mom in our drama or anytime we would get in a fight every time and his family gets way too involved. It’s like I’m in a relationship with him and his family and everything always has to be a sitdown discussion with them if they get involved in our argument or fight . I don’t know what to do. What’s your view? Thanks in advance for reading this.
EDIT: what he did when he was strongarming me on the bed was several hours before the cop thing and triggering me again and he claims he was holding me down to protect our daughter who was on the bed and said I was thrashing and throwing myself (like no dude I was literally just getting off the bed) the gaslighting is so real. He says if I dare file a report against him he will open the case again and I’ll be arrested. Actually in my anger I called him names and wished bad things upon him and now he’s the one acting like a angel in texts and tries not to say anything bad (maybe he’s actively building a case against me) so if anything I messed up by saying so much out of hurt and anger and he now says he can use that also or file harassment against me etc. that things I said to him are not in my favor. So yea I didn’t think in my anger was was lashing out at him, calling names etc. :/
THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART ❤️ for taking the time to respond. I can’t express how much it means to me that strangers on the internet can be so kind and do that to support someone.