I, like most of you, grew up in a nuclear family. I watched(at least as far as little me was aware) my parents foster a partnership throughout my almost three decades while committed to each other. And understandably, this is a model I've idealized to recreate in my brain. It seems to be the model everyone does as well. Ah, beautiful stable monogamy, you.

But...

I'm currently conflicted...

Is Monogamy unnatural?

In my current understanding of humanity, and as far as I have read, we're not entirely monogamous species. For for the longest time, and by observing our evolutionary neighbors, long-term and life-long monogamy isn't as common. Some primates like Bonobos barely practice monogamy at all, they're highly promiscuous(and gay).

What I've learned is that for the longest time our ancestors practiced Serial monogamy, where the male partner could throughout the gestation period and maybe a short while to raise the kid, then move on to the next one. It wasn't life-long. This makes sense because of how vulnerable the woman might be during the pregnancy and how long human children take to develop, I can understand why this model works best for the continuation of our species. It assures that at least the most vulnerable among the tribe has someone to take care of them.

Is it mostly traditional peer pressure?

Most of life-long monogamy tends to originate from and represent class struggles, as a means to control the mixing of privileged and unprivileged blood. That's to say what we tend to do in the modern day is more socially driven by social factors like status and . I can also see why we'd develop it to control STIs (they're not fun to have), but generally, a social affair. The church and Islam are what enforced it to us anyway(not to say African societies didn't practice it at all).

Does it come from an unhealthy place?

Does it come from a place of possession? A place of insecurity? Isn't monogamy a call from our inner child's desire to be chosen and reassured that they're special and valued? Is that a healthy place? Would, therefore, a properly healed person whose dealt with their inner wounds still have these insecurities, and therefore no longer seek validation in the form of monogamy? What does it say about us who seek it?

Isn't monogamy unfair?

Let's be realistic. We cannot fulfil all of our partner's needs. So why do subject them to potentially a life of choosing only us to fulfil them? We ask them to sacrifice some desires, potential, and experience for us. And we have to give up the same. Is that fair? We're on this wet rock only once and barely for long enough, is it reasonable to forego all those potential experiences for someone?

Is it impractical?

Humans, understandably, are fallible beings. We make mistakes. We and our partners are like to, too. Now, knowing this, is a monogamous arrangement setting each other up for failure. Now, when more than ever, extra-marital affairs and having multiple sexual partners is commonplace and the norm, won't it be better to allow yourself and your partner a platform to be open about your philandering? Why set them up to have to sneak and keep secrets. If we understand that we're likely to do it anyway, why not have a mature agreement about it and be free with each other?

Is it really healthy?

While STIs are definitely not fun to have. I think we(Tanzanians) do have massive hysteria around STIs/STDs. I personally blame it on lingering hysteria from the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 90s and the government's social programs to raise awareness. But I'm of the opinion that STIs tend to rarely ever be as bad as we make them out to be. Kwanza, most people don't have STIs. Pia, with the advancement of modern medicine, you can get PrEP/PEP for free in most hospitals and DoxyPEP in some dispensaries.

Nevertheless, STIs are not fun to have, for sure. So I can understand why settling down can be worth it anyway. Besides, having sex with condoms(at least receptively) feels almost just as good as doing it without them. So it shouldn't be an issue, really.

Stability and growth?

Since I'm building a life and future for myself, if I'll be introducing someone in my life's growth plan, I would definitely want them committed to the cause. I like to cite Jesus when he says "why should I give the food that was meant for the children to the dogs?". I wouldn't want the personal and emotional investment I've put in us to be wasted on someone else. I'm convinced that a committed partner is probably more likely to pay attention to you, and collaborate better. Anything other people would be a distraction, wouldn't they?

Should I/we give up on monogamy?

I still understand the practical implications of monogamy, I do believe it's one of the things that's gotten us this far as a species in the last 100 years to be 8 billion strong. Admittedly, it's something I would love to recreate, and it's something I'm open to and maybe actively ready/looking for.

Of course, in MLM and MSM(Male who Loves Males and Male who has Sex with Males) circles, promiscuity and hookups are quite rampant, at least according to surveys, and understandably I find myself as the odd one out in those spaces like on Grindr or Tinder. Most men I know mostly to date to appease the women they desire, now when it's two men, you can see why they wouldn't even think about it.

I wonder if at this point I'm looking for a white elephant all these years. I wonder if I'm just setting myself up for disappointment looking for monogamy. Maybe I just need to outgrow it, and be like the rest. Maybe monogamy isn't the problem altogether?

Kuna a researcher aliangalia maandamano between 1900-2000 yaliyofanikiwa kufanikisha regime change akagundua kitu called The 3.5% Rule. Aligundua kwamba maandamano yaliyofanikiwa kuondoa serikali madarakani ni yale ambayo 3.5% ya population ilitokea na kuenda mtaani kuandamana. Ingawa it's not strictly a rule, but it's a good observation that seems to hold true to this day, mfano Bangladesh 2024.

Hii 3.5% kwa Tanzania ni 2,539,732.

By the logic above, this is the number we have to mobilize ili kuondoa CCM madarakani. Tukifanikiwa kushawishi 2.5 million Tanzanians waende barabarani, hakika, CCM hawatoboi.

Sasa, swali ninalojiuliza kwa sasa ni... Je... Wiki ijayo watatoka 2.5 million kweli?

Kuna jitihada gani zimewekwa ili kufikisha hiyo 2.5 million? Na kama jitihada ziliizofanyika mpaka sasa hazioneshi kama hata nusu ya hawa watu 2.5 million watatokea, kuna haja kweli ya kwenda mtaani at all?

Unfortunately, tunaopambana nao wamejipanga, je tutafanikiwa tusipojipanga zaidi yao? Moja ya criticisms nilizotoaga kabla ya yale 29/10 ni kwamba hatukuwa kama wananchi tumejipanga vya kutosha, na unfortunately, fuck CCM, hayakufanikiwa. Sasa tumejifunza nini kutoka maandamano hayo ili tusirudie kufeli tena Jumanne ijayo? Mfano, moja ya changamoto watu walizokutana nazo ni kuishiwa na chakula ndani, je tumetaarifu watu wetu kustock chakula na pesa japo kidogo kujiandaa na maandamano hayo?

Kuna wazo ninalolipataga ambalo, samahani kama nitawakwaza, ila ni kitu kinachonifikirisha sana. Tunaweza kuamini nia na madhumuni ya wapangaji/wanaharakati wetu kwamba malengo yetu ni sawa na yao? Ni dhahiri kwamba wapangaji/wanaharakati hupokea pesa kutoka kwa mashirika mbali mbali ambayo yamehusika na uchochezi kwa maslahi yao. Money always complicates things. Kama maandamano haya kwa kuangalia tu hayatafanikiwa kuondoa CCM (3.5% Rule), je, wao wanapata nini kuchochea maandamano haya kwa kasi hii despite that?

Kwa mtazamo wangu... Maandamano yoyote yatakayopangwa pasipo kuwa na uhakika wa 3.5% ni sawa na kutoa kafara na kucheza na maisha ya Watanzania. Kama lengo ni kuondoa CCM anything short of that is failure. Na since maandamano is the strongest weapon in our arsenal, kweli tuchezee this weapon mara kwa mara kama hivi? Si mwisho wa siku itaishia kuwa butu? Kumbuka watu bado wana vidonda vya 29/10, lakini tangu hiyo 29/10 wameshaita maandamano mara mbili au sijui tatu, na yote yamebuma. Sasa kuna nini cha tofauti kuhusu haya? Binafsi sijaona, pengine mnielimishe. Lakini despite it, kuna watu watauwawa hiyo jumanne. Kwangu mimi hatia ya damu yao ipo juu ya CCM pamoja na wapangaji waliowaambia watoke pasipo mpango stahiki.

Kwa ninavyoona na ninachoshauri ni kwamba haya maandamano hayajapangwa vizuri vya kutosha, na inabidi ya hairishwe. Yapangwe mengine, maybe mwakani and in the meantime tutafute a channel ya kuplan, kudisseminate hiyo plan, kujenga imani ya watu, mpaka kumobilize hiyo 3.5%. Ningeshauri kuanza na migomo baridi baadala ya kutegemea tu siku moja. Hiyo siku ndo iwe crescendo, ila mziki ungeanza muda sana. Ila hii ya kutegemea ngome yaoo waliyoijenga kwa miaka 60 tutaitoa ndani ya siku moja, kwa kweli, sina imani nayo.

I know ipo nje ya uwezo wangu, na najua hamna kitakachobadilika, ila... Inanifikirisha sana. Tusubiri tuone hiyo Jumanne ijayo.

Kuna a sense of helplessness naiona kila nikienda mtaani nyusoni mwa karibia Watanzania wote tangu 29/10. Inasisikitisha sana na kunijaza uchungu. Ila natumani ipo siku tu, kila kirefu kina ncha. Sasa tujipange kurudisha tabasamu kwa wote. Mungu ibariki Tanzania.

Anyway. Sisemi haya kukatisha watu tamaa, ni mtazamo wangu tu. Feel free kutokubaliana na mimi, samahani kwa lolote nililosema ambalo litamkwaza yoyote. Best.

I think niko burntout. For the last three weeks, my productivity has gone down the drain kabisa. There are days I go to the office na muda unaisha and ni kama vile sijafanya chochote kabisa. Kuna kazi nimeomba extensions kama tatu hivi, ila bado sijamaliza to this day.

I feel kama vile I can't work. Naweza kuwasha computer nikabaki tu natizama display, nikaenda kuzurura Twitter, Reddit na 4chan, ila sifanyi cha maana.

Please help. I work in the creative industry, and yaani my creativity and output imeshuka sana in the past months wakati mwenzangu seems ana push tu.

Kuna this thing Jimmy Carr said, "Inspiration is for amateurs, the rest of us go to work". Maybe hata sio burn out, labda nimekuwa mzembe tu? Idk. Ila zeal niliyokuwa nayo nilivyotoka likizo in January na now ni tofauti sana.

How do you deal na burnout?

In my pursuit of searching for a Pixel 5 replacement, I remembered the phone I originally wanted to replace it with back in 2023.

The Xiaomi 12/12S is slimmer than the Pixel 5 but about 8mm taller. It also has a curved screen(I'm not sure how to feel about this). I hate the optical fingerprint sensor how they light up in the dark. Has bigger battery(the 12S should have better SOT). I love the fact that it has an IR blaster.

I noticed it has Lineage OS support to this day, and that's the biggest draw for me. Also, after a quick searching S22 and Pixel 8 have infamous green line and screen issues, so I've grown wary of them.

However, the lack of a proximity sensor is my biggest turn off at the moment.

What do you think?

This is the third Pixel 5 I've ever bought. I like the phone, feels small, I'd prefer it to be smaller, though.

All three Pixel 5's I've had lose their power buttons, and for some reason, Pixel phones have a habit of switching their screen off when calls come in until you press the power button. I've had to walk with a pen to prick the power button hole. I'm no longer willing to tolerate this. Plus, the battery-life sucks, I'd like possibly to get a bigger battery.

Now I have a new problem. I can't find a phone to replace it with.

As someone who swears by Lineage OS, an unlockable bootloader is a non-negotiable.

I really wish I could get a S22 but I can't guarantee I'll get a model with an unlockable bootloader.

I checked out the Xperia 5 IV, it's slimmer and has a much bigger battery, but it's too tall. So tall you can't use it single-handed. There's also the bootloader-unlockable models issue.

I don't know which other option to get.

I'm even considering the Pixel 8, it's 6.2", maybe that's tolarable?