u/idplma8888

My boyfriend (41M) and I (43F), together two years, have a disconnect between how we define curiosity. When I tell him something, I want him to have follow-up questions, or just even occasionally ask me about myself. He asks questions that are mostly surface level, like how my day was or what I had for dinner or whether I finished streaming a show, but that's the extent of it. I've expressed that I need more curiosity, but his response is always that he IS curious, but assumes if I had something I wanted to say, I would tell him. That is true up to a point, but I do also want him to just express his own curiosity. I think it might be due to him having some worry about prying, but I've told him many times that I want this and that I'll let him know if I don't want to talk about something.

When we were texting a bit last night, I told him I was feeling kind of lonely and was going to bed soon. His response was basically just "I'm sorry babe" with no follow-up. It's a nice response, but if he had texted me that statement, I'd have at least asked why or if there was anything I could do to help. But his take would probably be again that he cares and is curious but figures I'd tell him. Sometimes I'm just venting and I want him to express curiosity and care, I'm not hiding anything I want to tell him.

I'm wondering if our communication styles are just too different. Has anyone experienced this?

TLDR: One of us asks questions and needs them to be asked, the other doesn't naturally ask questions. What to do here?

I’ve been on 0.25mg for about 5 or 6 weeks now, staying at this dose for a conservative amount because my appetite has lessened and I wasn’t really getting side effects. But as of about a week ago, I’ve been getting nausea on and off, usually long after a meal. Sometimes I can guess food may be a culprit, but usually I don’t feel effects until hours later. Is the food likely the cause? Is this normal on such a low dose?

I'm just so... tired.

I'm at a point in my life where things are super crazy, with 24/7 (often thankless) demands from full-time work and school, and I don't have much extra bandwidth.

Lately being around my (43) boyfriend (41) often feels like one more thing I have to manage. He generally takes his time in most areas of life. He takes a long time to get ready, arrives late a lot because things usually take longer than he expects, and doesn't really plan much. He also gets really worked up over everyday issues. We were sitting on the patio of a coffee shop today, and I was working on my laptop while he was catching up on some emails and messages. He got upset over not knowing how to save a phone number from a text (rather than call it), realized he hadn't written down a September appointment he had and basically started spiralling when he couldn't find it in his email, etc. etc... I helped him copy the phone number when he asked me, and tried to suggest just calling the place where he has the appointment to ask what time it's at. He thought that because he had booked it a different way (through an online system), maybe that wouldn't work, or I dunno, but he didn't really entertain that suggestion. I ended up just leaving and going inside the coffee shop for a bit to let him deal with things, and when I came back he'd found the email he was looking for and had calmed down.

That kind of atmosphere stresses me out and aggravates my nervous system in general, and to add to that, I've started to feel kind of resentful when I compare everything I have to deal with to small things he gets so frustrated about. Those types of things are issues I deal with almost daily (having to figure out technology, managing customers' needs, etc.). I know it's not fair to compare, but like... again, I'm just so tired.

We're in couples therapy and he's also in a short CBT program of his own (and I've been in my own therapy on and off for years). He's also being assessed for ADHD soon (that's the appointment he was trying to find).

I guess I'm just wondering if and how you deal with this when you're with someone like that, especially when you're already burnt out from your own life.

EDIT: I care about him and he's a good, kind person. That's why I'm still with him. But it's hard at times like these.

Hi all,

I've been nervous to take the first dose due to possible stomach side effects, but I finally took it today. I've had a normal appetite all day (honestly probably even hungrier due to where I am in my cycle). So I've just eaten regularly, not exactly healthy but not unhealthy either (teriyaki chicken wings, taco salad, a bit of cheesecake, as examples). Is this a bad idea?

I did eat other healthy things, and I'm hoping to add more protein and fiber. But do I need to start before I'm feeling any changes?

My (43F) boyfriend (42M) is kind of the type to not talk much about serious or deep subjects, but it bugs me when he just kind of chuckles at them. I had a lot of work to do this weekend so I ended up having to cancel a couple of social things I'd been looking forward to. One of them was to see a show in which his band was headlining (I'm going to go for his band but missed out on the bands before them). He texted me about how good one of them was, and I said it sounded cool and that I have such FOMO for this weekend. He laughed at that, and then said "I suppose it's hard not to without so much going on. Although I heard on the news that there was a shooting at the salsa festival... so it's a good thing you missed that lol!" (I was planning to go to that tomorrow.) And then he just went on talking more about the bands. But like... lol right after telling me about a shooting? I know he didn't mean it like that directly, but I don't like the kind of nonchalance here. Am I overreacting to this?

Going to the Toronto show tonight and I have plans right beforehand, trying to see if I can get an idea of when Tortoise has been going on. Thank you!

My boyfriend and I, both early 40s, have been together for nearly two years. He gets irritated at small things a lot of the time. One thing that happens is that if I don't hear what he says and ask him to repeat himself, he kind of repeats it in an irritated tone. Like this past weekend, we were in a park and trying to figure out where to lay towels down to sit on, and he said "Let's move it away from there, there's [unitelligible]." I didn't see anything there so I just said "there's what?" and he said "goose poop!" in a kind of defensive tone. He gets the same way when we're somewhere loud and I ask him to repeat himself. I know it comes from insecurities on his end of not being heard or being judged or worrying that he doesn't express things well, but it gets exhausting. He mumbles a lot and I literally just want to hear what he's saying. If I just leave it and don't worry about it, he'll wonder why I'm not answering him, so I kind of feel like I can't win.

One thing I've noticed recently is that he's less likely to be irritable like this when he's in a good mood due to external factors (having just played a fun music gig, being around other friends and family in a fun atmosphere, even just having eaten a good meal). 

He's aware of this and trying to work on it in therapy (he'd never done therapy before until this past year), but his therapy program is only a 5-session one covered by healthcare, and he doesn't have insurance to be able to see someone regularly. He's also going to get assessed for ADHD.

Has anyone dealt with this kind of thing before with a partner? I am admittedly naturally sensitive, and I do care about him. He is a good person, and very kind and caring.