I missed today because I woke up late because I was too lazy to get up after my alarms. And now I cant attend school because I missed mass and if I went they'd send me home (its a carnival day).
My dad says I have to stop doing this.
I don't know why this is so hard.
It's at a point where I prefer cleaning than studying at home. But I just feel so lazy.
I'm 16F. School avoidance started in year 8 when I was 13.
Every night I stay up until 11pm (used to be 4am) then pass out because he whole night I'm thinking about school and I don't want to go. In the morning at 6am I dismiss my alarm.
The only thing wrong at school is the fact I find it so hard to focus. Learning new stuff takes so much energy and I have to sort of zone out to even read stuff otherwise I feel like my brain will shutdown.
Then, I get ready late because I spend the whole morning not wanting to go and wishing for my mum and brother just to let me skip. And then when I'm late they can't drop me off because they have stuff to do.
I feel really bad for doing this to my parents but I have no clue what to do. It's so hard. I feel like I'm depressed or maybe just lazy and super tired and my anxiety makes me stay up late and it's this constant cycle of torture.
I don't know what to do. Please help.
This friend, let's call her Susie, told me to say please when I asked my friend (Rosa) if I can have some licorice allsorts. My other friend then asked, "may I have some licorice?" Susie didn't tell her off. I wanted some more licorice so I asked again to not upset Rosa just in case by saying "May i have some licorcie, please?" Susie then said "good boy, using your manners."
I don't care about the "good boy." It's more that she told me to use my manners but didn't tell my other friend. She's sarcastic with me and when I showed another friend a drawing that said "im married to yo mama," susie also saw it gave me a very not amused look. Not even a smile. She'd smile if it was someone else. Or atleast make a quippy joke like "what the hell buddy?"
Im just upset that she told me to do that but didnt correct my other friend. I was so angry i wanted to punch a boxing bag. Im also upset at myself for being a people pleaser and the fact that I can't be myself around my friend group except for like 3 people. I can be myself fully in another group, and then some in another group. I just dont want to leave this one because i dont want people in my friendship group to hate me. One of my other friends also sits in another group as well as ours and susie was sarcastically like "probably with her other friends" like she was annoyed or mad.
I've also been getting really irritated lately and then the next moment im fine?
I want to be myself around my friends. I want to feel less lonely and not be such a pushover. I also want to ask some friends to hang out even if theres awkwardness.
But she DID invite me to her birthday party (not directly but im in the group chat) but it still hurts and i really cant tell if she even likes or respects me.
Her birthday party is tomorrow and I'm going.
Anyway, please give me advice on how to stop being a pushover and putting my friends on a pedestal. Maybe how to put myself before others and not be scared of being myself around friends? Maybe some help for susie as well?
Thanks for reading :))
Im trying to go to bed at midnight since its better than 4am. But when I wake up at 6am I dismiss my alarm, even cheating the captcha so I can sleep in more. I feel like Im disappointing my friends and my family. My dad made it pretty obvious when he was disappointed before, probably unintentionally.
I just dread school. I spend the night thinking about why but I can't find anything except boredom. I have amazing friends. And then when it's midnight I know its time to sleep so I play some calm music and stretch. When I wake up, Im so tired that I feel sick, and like right now I miss school.
Maybe I could ask my therapist about CBT or ACT? I just really need some coping strategies to go because my attendance is getting worse and worse.
Btw, Im not stressed about my grades.
Tl;dr: I miss school a lot because of my anxiety and because Im so tired I feel sick. Please give me coping strategies.