u/ilikeit-igotit

i feel like i’ve spent almost a decade looking for validation externally and it has really affected how i see myself, the people i attract, and what i’m willing to accept in relationships.

i think i’ve developed a really strong scarcity mindset where i’m scared of losing people, opportunities, love, etc because a part of me believes i won’t find something better.

for people who have genuinely changed this mindset and stopped relying so much on external validation, what actually helped you?

what are the sources of self worth outside of relationships and other people’s approval, and how do you learn to genuinely believe that there is more out there?

I’ve been wondering about this from an Islamic perspective. Sometimes I see people complimenting others or their food even when it seems obvious that they don’t genuinely think it’s that good. Is that considered lying, or is it just being polite?

For example, I went to an event where I personally thought the food was pretty mediocre. A girl around my age started complimenting the person who made it, saying things like, “Wow, this looks so good, I can’t wait to try it!” Then after eating it, she said it was really good as well. While, she mentioned that the food was pretty mediocre and not enough for the guests to me.

Personally, I usually try not to do that. If I don’t like something, I’d rather just keep my opinion to myself than pretend I love it. I’m not going to tell someone, “This tastes bad,” because that feels unnecessarily rude, but I also don’t want to say, “This is amazing!” when I don’t actually think that.

At the same time, I’ve noticed that this has sometimes made me less social. I genuinely want to have friends and be more socially comfortable, but I feel like I hold myself back because I’m constantly worried about saying something that isn’t completely genuine. I don’t want my desire to be truthful to turn into being socially awkward or overly reserved.

For example, if I genuinely like something, I’ll compliment it. I had a cupcake at the same event that I actually really enjoyed, so I had no problem saying that I liked it. But if I don’t like something, I’d rather stay quiet.
So where is the Islamic line here?

Is it permissible to give a compliment simply to make someone feel good, even if you don’t genuinely believe what you’re saying? Or does that become lying? And is simply choosing not to criticize something considered sufficient, rather than having to say something positive?
I’d especially appreciate answers based on Qur’an/Hadith or reliable scholarly opinions rather than just personal views.

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