u/infertilemyrtle33

I feel like I'm in a waking nightmare right now and need help to make the right choices for my own life and also my potential child's.

I fell accidentally pregnant after being told I was infertile and would need IVF. It was in a very new relationship of just 4 months, which I thought was going well and he seemed ideal and so caring.

My partner could not have reacted more badly. He tried to project manage me into having an abortion as soon as I told him, presenting it as care for me and telling me how much he loved me, how it was the right thing, and how he didn't want me to be in pain.

However, when I expressed doubts about the possible physical and emotional impact on me of terminating the pregnancy, he immediately turned cold and shouted that I was going to ruin his life and he would not support me. He severed all links with me within hours, including removing me from shared accounts and social media. I asked him to attend couple's counselling but he texted we are no longer a couple. He is only open to a session of online abortion counselling.

I don't want to be coerced into making a decision I could forever regret, but I also am feeling scared to potentially coparent with this man, or raise a child and have him come for parental rights years later after abandoning us. Is it better to relinquish motherhood to ensure I don't remain tied to him ?

I also just got laid off by redundancy so although my family are supportive (but live abroad) I'm going to be unemployed while pregnant, vomiting every day and really struggling to function.

FYI we are not kids, he is nearly 40 and I'm 35, previously he said he wanted kids, just obviously not this early into a relationship.

What are people's experiences of coparenting or pregnancy with an emotionally abusive/high conflict ex?
Is his position likely to soften?
Shall I cut contact with him or will that reflect badly on me later if he sues for access/ custody? it is a high risk pregnancy and I worry I will miscarry from the stress he'a causing.

I feel like I'm in a waking nightmare right now and need help to make the right choices for my own life and also my potential child's. I am really in a bad way and it's a difficult time to make clear headed decisions.

I fell accidentally pregnant after being told I was infertile and would need IVF. It was in a very new relationship of just 4 months, which I thought was going well. Genuinely believed he could be the one.

My partner could not have reacted more badly. He tried to project manage me into having an abortion as soon as I told him, presenting it as care for me and telling me how much he loved me, how it was the right thing, and how he didn't want me to be in pain.

However, when I expressed doubts about the possible physical and emotional impact on me of terminating the pregnancy, he immediately turned cold and shouted that I was going to ruin his life and he would not support me. He severed all links with me within hours, including removing me from shared accounts and social media. I asked him to attend couple's counselling but he texted we are no longer a couple. He is only open to a session of online abortion counselling.

I don't want to be coerced into making a decision I could regret because I think that's abusive, but I also am feeling scared and intimidated to potentially coparent with this man who I clearly don't know, or raise a child and have him come for parental rights years later after abandoning us. I also just got laid off by redundancy so although my family are supportive I'm going to be unemployed while pregnant, vomiting every day and really struggling to function.

FYI we are not kids, he is nearly 40 and I'm 35, previously he said he wanted kids, just obviously not this early into a relationship.

This is my first post to this community so please be kind!

I (35F) met a seemingly great guy (40M), we'd been a couple for 4 months and weren't especially careful on the contraceptive front as I believed my odds of getting pregnant naturally were very low (multiple doctors have suggested surrogacy/adoption due to infertility). He could have wrapped up but seemed reassured by this.

Anyway, I accidentally got pregnant from ONE occasion of unprotected sex.

Timing couldn't be worse as I just got made redundant and now won't be in a job long enough to qualify for full maternity benefits. I also have very minimal savings due to spending so much on fertility preservation via IVF (I froze my eggs multiple times) and had several surgeries on my womb.

I do have a stable place to live, education, decent earning potential, and some supportive family, who mostly live abroad. But the irony is if I hadn't spent so much on fertility preservation via IVF I would be in a much more financially stable position to welcome this child.

I told my boyfriend and he freaked out. He understandably doesn't want or feel prepared to be a dad after just a few months dating. He wants me to terminate ASAP. He told me he doesn't support me having the baby and I will ruin his and the baby's life if I have them. I was really shocked by his coldness as he was previously an amazing boyfriend and thought we were in love.

He's been having panic attacks ever since I told him and disclosed having serious depression a year ago where he was considering su\*cide.

He apparently does want kids in the future but in a long term stable relationship, not necessarily with me. He works freelance as a musician as his income while decent is not stable.

I'm feeling so torn as I'm scared and overwhelmed. I feel constantly nauseous and tired. I don't want to trap anyone (including myself) into a difficult coparenting situation. So part of me thinks having an early medical abortion would solve a lot of stressors right now.

But I also know at 35 with complex infertility this could be my only chance at having a biological child. My womb is also already scarred with ashermans syndrome, so an abortion is likely to make it worse and even more challenging to carry again in the future. Whereas he could probably easily have kids years into the future with less pressure.

Usually I read stories of much younger women having abortions, not a middle aged childless woman with fertility issues.

I also know it's better to regret an abortion than a child and that a child ideally deserves parents who both want them.

Please can you give advice and share experiences??

Is he likely to change his mind?
Is it unfair to him to continue the pregnancy and blow up his life?
I can't see our relationship lasting after how he's treated me while pregnant.
I am 7 weeks along.

This is my first post to this community so please be kind!

I (35F) met a seemingly great guy (40M), we'd been a couple for 4 months and weren't especially careful on the contraceptive front as I believed my odds of getting pregnant naturally were very low (multiple doctors have suggested surrogacy/adoption due to infertility). He could have wrapped up but seemed reassured by this.

Anyway, I accidentally got pregnant from ONE occasion of unprotected sex.

Timing couldn't be worse as I just got made redundant and now won't be in a job long enough to qualify for full maternity benefits. I also have very minimal savings due to spending so much on fertility preservation via IVF (I froze my eggs multiple times) and had several surgeries on my womb.

I do have a stable place to live, education, decent earning potential, and some supportive family, who mostly live abroad. But the irony is if I hadn't spent so much on fertility preservation via IVF I would be in a much more financially stable position to welcome this child.

I told my boyfriend and he freaked out. He understandably doesn't want or feel prepared to be a dad after just a few months dating. He wants me to terminate ASAP. He told me he doesn't support me having the baby and I will ruin his and the baby's life if I have them. I was really shocked by his coldness as he was previously an amazing boyfriend and thought we were in love.

He's been having panic attacks ever since I told him and disclosed having serious depression a year ago where he was considering su*cide.

He apparently does want kids in the future but in a long term stable relationship, not necessarily with me. He works freelance as a musician as his income while decent is not stable.

I'm feeling so torn as I'm scared and overwhelmed. I feel constantly nauseous and tired. I don't want to trap anyone (including myself) into a difficult coparenting situation. So part of me thinks having an early medical abortion would solve a lot of stressors right now.

But I also know at 35 with complex infertility (running out of eggs and very damaged womb) this could be my only chance at having a biological child. My womb is also already scarred with ashermans syndrome, so an abortion is likely to make it worse and even more challenging to carry again in the future.

Whereas he could probably easily have kids years into the future with less pressure.

Usually I read stories of much younger women having abortions, not a middle aged childless woman with fertility issues.

I also know it's better to regret an abortion than a child and that a child ideally deserves parents who both want them.

Please can you give advice and share experiences??

Is he likely to change his mind?
Is it unfair to him to continue the pregnancy and blow up his life?
I can't see our relationship lasting after how he's treated me while pregnant.
I am 7 weeks along.

Hey everyone 👋
I'm hoping this post is allowed as I'm struggling to know where to turn for advice and support.

I unexpectedly got pregnant without IVF after 3 years of womb surgeries, 4 retrievals and 1 failed FET as a SMBC.

The issue? It was unplanned with a very new partner. We weren't careful as I was told it would be really difficult for me to fall pregnant without medical assistance so I'm genuinely in shock. I have diminished ovarian reserve and also uterine infertility.

My partner doesn't want the baby, wants me to terminate and I'm very early (just 6 weeks along, so know it might not progress anyway). My financial/work situation isn't stable due to IVF and I had started to accept the idea of being childfree. Literally going through redundancy right now.

I totally understand all the logical reasons now is not a good time for a baby with a guy I hardly know. But I also can't imagine the lifelong heartbreak of terminating a miracle pregnancy after going through so much 💔 I'm 35yo so understand this might not happen for me again.

But at the same time I don't want to unfairly trap someone (or myself) into a lifelong coparenting relationship after just a few months of knowing each other, I feel guilty about his wants and needs, and want my child to be wanted if this pregnancy progresses.

Please weigh in your thoughts ❤️