u/innocentees

This shit just gets worse and worse each time. There was a guy who was in private jets and luxury cars and traveling all over the world and posting it on social media and now he’s locked up, he “allegedly” stole a lot of money from Medicaid and was involved in a prostitution ring. Everyday is something new with these people. Most people might have to move to Tennessee or Kentucky for the same opportunities they had here. This is why haram money will never get you far, you get the consequences here in this world and have a bigger consequences waiting for you in the next.

The actions of a very small minority affects the whole community 😭 it just got soooooo much harder for you as a Somali to start any healthcare related services or business, even if you’re clean and do everything by the book they’ll give you a hard time. They tried to shut down a homecare on some bullshit but luckily that home care had cameras, the auditor literally almost got away with a lie and the only thing that saved their license was because they had cameras In their office where everything unfolded.

Time to look at different businesses like industrial production or supply chain or boring shit like water companies or filtration

Zanzibar is so similar to Somalia 😭 I was watching a video on the YouTube channel Insaf Slim called “Visiting 99% Muslim African Island” and bro, they got hella mosques, they eat xalwa, they got beautiful beaches 🏝️😭 and they have a bunch of teenage Hafids.

But the one thing that confused me was around 32:00 when this old man starts talking about Omanis 🇴🇲 and says they were the first people in East Africa, which is obviously not true 😭😭

Zanzibar was under the Omani Sultanate and even became the capital of Oman at one point, so I can understand where the connection comes from. But saying Omanis were the first people in East Africa is crazy 😂

That actually made me wonder, who were the first people in East Africa?

Some people are literally living in situations that are unimaginable to me. We had a group hangout today with two of my homies and three of my homegirls, and they brought this one girl who isn’t really part of the group, first time seeing her. I wasn’t talking to her much, but I was trying to make her feel as included as possible. She just seemed very miskeen.

We went to watch Spider Man, and her card declined. That’s normal, I’m not judging her at all. Any one of us could have covered it and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But what really stuck with me was when she said, “I don’t normally go to expensive places. If I knew we were seeing this movie ahead of time, I would’ve planned financially ahead of time” I’m like huhhhhh ?

I was soooo confused because the tickets were only $19 each. I didn’t think much of it at first but halfway through the movie what she said kept replaying in my head. We all got snacks, and the girls had to pay for her snacks too which again nothing is wrong with after all one of the girls invited her even though they also just met.
Now I feel terrible because I want to ask about her situation and help her in any way I can, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or make her think I’m trying to hit on her. And honestly as a man I don’t even know how I would bring up something like that without making it weird. How will that conversation even start

A couple hours later after we ate and went home we got on a group FaceTime while playing Uno in the group chat. I kept noticing her surroundings. You could see the rug in her room was ripped up and there were other things that made it obvious she might not be living in the best situation. She was clearly trying to hide it and slipped up a few times.

I brought it up to the girls, specifically the one that invited her but they didn’t seem to notice anything, I don’t know how they can be this slow because me and the guys noticed something was off. Maybe they just didn’t think much of it because they barely know her.

The whole situation really messed with me. I’m sitting here spending money on things I don’t even need, while there are people who have to carefully plan around a $19 movie ticket. And I don’t even know her job situation. Maybe she works but has so many responsibilities that her checks barely cover everything. I have no idea what she’s going through.

Ya Allah forgive me for being ungrateful. This whole situation genuinely shook me. It made me realize how easily I take certain things for granted without even thinking about it. I have every apple device all the way from watches to phones to iPads to computers, I spent money on so much unless shit yet there people out there suffering quietly I don’t even think about how much things cost before buying them. Why is this word so unfair ? To top it all off I am not the best Muslim but I’m working on it. I didn’t even know it was possible to live like this in the west. Idk if I should just mind my business or to press the matter

Please look at your surroundings and don’t take things for granted because it’s a privilege to even be on this app. I have to be more kind and do more and you guys should too especially if you have the money.

For the uncs that were married for 8 plus years, how is it humanly possible for you to still be loyal? The person is not as interesting anymore. You see them talk to them and everything everyday, like you know everything there’s to know about them at this point, you can even predict what they’ll say at times before they say it. Like you’ve had enough. You don’t get bored ? Do you not think of someone else more interesting? Posting this super late to avoid too much attention to this post. I’m scared of “life long marriage or forever “ at some point we’ll both be grown enough to know that it’s a matter of tolerance at this point for the sake of the children or circumstances? Idk to be fair. I just can’t sit still for years knowing I can feel the honeymoon all over again and again and again, experience and listen to something completely different, feel something completely different and so on. Do yall not fall out of love ? Clearly you won’t be the same person I fell in love with years ago. You’re a completely different person as time went by. Like it’s in the man’s dna to be adventurous rather than stick with one love story. I don’t expect the sisters to understand what I’m saying due to the difference in our biology so I know I’ll get backlash from them. It’s just not in a man’s nature to have one love story so I genuinely wonder how some still do it? That’s actually very impressive Salute 🫡 to them.

I promise you, there’s honestly no reason to feel FOMO. Most of us are living the same life when you really think about it. we wake up, go to work or school, hit the gym if we can, spend way too much time on social media, go home, and do it all over again. Social media only shows the highlights, not the boring, repetitive parts that make up 99% of people’s lives. You have no reason to feel left out. That “boring” life you’re living is actually peaceful. It’s keeping you away from unnecessary drama, bad influences, and situations that could completely change your life for the worse. Even when people make more money, life is still surprisingly similar. So don’t compare your everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel. Be grateful for the peace you have, stay focused on your goals, and keep building your future. Your time will come, and when it does, you’ll realize there was never anything worth feeling left out over in the first place. Don’t feel left out and think you aren’t living your life to the fullest. Nigga we all living the same boring lives which is the norm in reality

How much do you make and what do you do to make that much money ? Is what you do easy and can anyone get into it or do you need some type of connections ?

What’s the percentage increase in your income from 2 years ago today ?

I do Amazon fba and make 19-20k a month and can post receipts. Two years ago I was making less than 5k so it quadrupled now

Stress level: 5/10
Workload level 7/10
Work life balance aka free time or freedom 10/10

Do I recommend it ? Not as your first thing to do, go try something else first and fail and get some skills. You’ll need about 5k to start minimum and if it’s your first thing and have no skills that 5k will just go to waste. Get the skills first before you gamble with 5k since it’s a lot of money

I think I forgot most of the Quran. We were doing Quran Saar on my uncle so we divided the Quran between us, everyone got a juzz or few juzzes, I was struggling like crazy. It’s like I was learning how to read all over again at some point I gave up and was just moving my lips to fit in cuz no way I had the courage to walk away and give up. I was just moving my lips.

I have to stop reading ikhas and kowsar every salah and actually read the hard surah. This shit is so embarrassing I remember I was the man 3 years ago, reading the Quran was like drinking water to me. I’m so disappointed. I might have to go back to dugsi or join a Quran group or some online.

Any guys who are in an online Quran group?

Got into a relationship 2 months ago and I come to find out that she has nothing going for herself and she doesn’t work. Her behavior is good just as good as her character and everything else but I just get the “eww” from her not having nothing going on. It’s a turn off for me. She is my age and I am sitting here wondering why ? You had so much time. Now I’m thinking of just dipping but she’s very attached and obsessive so I don’t want to hurt her. I want to leave without causing damage but don’t know how

I keep seeing posts from women in their late 20s and 30s acting shocked that they’re not getting pursued like they were a few years ago. That’s just how dating works. People’s preferences don’t stay the same forever. A lot of men naturally prefer younger women, especially if they want kids one day. Looks and age and genetics matter to a lot of men. On the other hand, a lot of women care about things like height confidence and financial stability . Obviously, not everyone is like this, but these are common preferences.

Women in their early to mid 20s usually have the most options. Men from all age groups are interested in them, from the age of 100 plus to men just entering puberty, like unlimited amounts of options. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, that’s probably the time to take advantage of those options instead of wasting years playing games or keeping a roster.

Then you hit your late 20s to early 30s and the same men who were chasing you are now chasing the next group of women entering that stage of life. You had your turn, just like they’ll have theirs. Whether you made the most of it is on you.

That doesn’t mean women in their 30s have no options. They do. But the men they actually want the attractive, successful guys with choices are often looking at younger women. They have no business pursuing a woman in her 30s after these men spent so much time on their careers and looks in their twenties. Even me at 22, what business do I have pursuing a 30 year-old? That’s just not my preference and it won’t be when I’m 30 either.

I always hear women ask, “What does a 29 year old man have in common with a 22 year-old woman?” But what does he automatically have in common with a woman who’s older than him or his either? Nothing. Why do women bring these questions up when they hit 30 and the man they want aren’t chasing them ? It was all fine and everything in your early twenties when they were chasing you.

It’s like asking “what does a woman who makes 30k a year have in common with a man who makes 80k a year” do you see any logic in that?

I don’t see anything wrong with an older man wanting to marry a woman in her early or mid 20s as long as she’s an adult. It’s legal, it’s halal, and both people are choosing each other. Just like women are free to prefer tall, successful, financially stable men, men are free to prefer younger women. Preferences go both ways.

My point is simple don’t spend your best years wasting time, then get mad when the same attention you used to enjoy shifts to the next generation and start asking questions like “what do the guys my age I want have in common with women in their early to mid twenties?” That’s how life works for everyone.

You don’t get to ask questions now because the guys you wanted are chasing them and not you and then try to shame these men by making it seem like it’s creepy. It’s not creepy at all.

For me, gossiping to me about her best friends

Heartbreak will give you commitment issues as a man, be careful please 🙏 I can’t speak for women because I’m only speaking from my experience as a man and assuming other men relate.

8 months ago, an avoidant sent me to the emergency room 😭😭😭 (the post is still up if you want context). I stopped feeling sorry for myself after about 2 months and started working on myself. Now I’m talking to a lot of women and I have so much freedom. (Yes, I know it’s haram and I’m fully aware.)

That experience gave me commitment issues. I don’t see myself committing to one person anymore ANYTIME SOON. I have sooo much freedom right now and I can finally breathe fresh air. It’s very very hard to talk to one person when there are so many skin tones, different faces, different smiles, different figures, and different feelings and different stories of how life shaped them and different tears out there. Wallahi I was never like this. This is new to me.

my ex spam calls me and pulls up to my house, work and gym trying to make things work and telling me about how she worked on her attachment style and stuff. I do see a little bit of progress, I won’t lie. She actually did put in some work, and good for her.

So now I have someone obsessing over me, spam calling me from different numbers, and pulling up to my work, house, and gym. I love the chase, and if I give her a chance, I’ll lose that obsession. (I never want to lose that obsession because I love being chased ) On the other hand, I can talk to whoever I want.

I have freedom. Y’all don’t understand how light I feel. I don’t know if this is something only men experience, I can’t speak from a woman’s perspective.

Use my experience as an example of what not to be, learn from my mistakes or you’ll end up having major commitment issues

Has heartbreak changed any of you like this, or is it just me?

I’m 22 and a 10 year old kid or maybe younger called me “abti” today. Omg that shit feels so dehumanizing and I can’t imagine how worse it will get when I bald. I am so sorry to whoever I called “unc” this shit ruined my entire day. It’s been replaying in my head all day. I can’t Imagine how life would be when I’m 30 or 40 and bald. I didn’t even feel like a human after that experience today.

Unconditional love isn’t real. Every form of love comes with conditions, whether people want to admit it or not. If your spouse repeatedly disrespects you, betrays your trust, or does something extreme, most people would walk away. That’s a condition. If a parent is forced to choose between saving their spouse or their child, common sense says they save the child because that child’s life is just beginning. That’s another condition. Let’s say the spouse is saved and the child has to go, no unconditional love for the child. Unconditional doesn’t even exist between a child and a parent. It has conditions. Take a couple deeply in love who have spent years together. If one partner is infertile and the other has a strong desire to experience parenthood, many people would eventually leave to pursue having children. love isn’t enough to outweigh fatherhood or motherhood. You can love someone deeply and still leave because a condition, boundary, value, or desire outweighs that love. That’s why I don’t believe unconditional love exists. Conditional love is more than enough for you.

Why do you think unconditional love exists?

I don’t want to get emotionally attached in my future marriage, how can you love without attachment?

Please stop acting blind.

Stop giving women the benefit of the doubt when it comes to basic respect. Stop treating grown women like helpless children who “don’t know better.” If you know right from wrong, so does she. I’d go as far as saying she’s actually wayyyyyyyy smarter than you. She’s not a child. Being emotional is never an excuse to disrespect you. You can be emotional and still communicate properly. You can be emotional and still take accountability. You can be emotional and drop the ego.

Protect your peace first. If she turns every small issue into a huge problem, leave. At that point, the situation becomes a circus 🎪. If simple things keep getting dragged out for no reason, move on. If she believes in communication only when she’s messed up, but shuts down when you mess up, protect your mental health. Never accept double standards from the start or it will be your new normal.

If you’re putting in effort and she’s not matching it, and you already communicated that clearly but nothing changes, move on. Actions always tell the truth, stop trying to justify and make mental excuses for the situation. When a woman wants you, she will show you, she’ll go above and beyond for you. If you constantly feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her, she probably doesn’t want you the same way anymore. Stop forcing it. A real connection should feel natural, not stressful. You shouldn’t have to overthink every word just to avoid problems.

If she truly wants you, you’ll see it in her actions. Never judge based only on words. Words will always remain as words. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, go where you’re loved, not tolerated.

Do you stay and try to bring that love back ? Do you just tell them and leave ? I feel like a lot of people stay in a marriage with no love out of security and attachment issues. If we have children together I’d honestly never bring it up and stay.

Would you marry someone who’s a 10/10 in deen, character, ambition, and compatibility… but only a 5/10 and below in physical attraction for you? At what point does attraction become important enough to outweigh everything else?

I know a healthy relationship can’t be perfect, but what actually is a healthy balance between the good and bad parts of a marriage? At what point does it become unhealthy instead of just normal relationship struggles?

Also, do most couples stay attracted to each other as they get older, even into their 50s, 60s, and so on? I understand that love can grow deeper over time, but I’m also old enough to realize that people can fall in love with someone who is not necessarily their physical type. So as couples age and their looks change, does physical attraction usually grow, stay the same, or fade?

And another question about this. If your partner told you that they are no longer physically attracted to you because you both look older now and no longer look the way you once did, but they are still deeply in love with you and consistently show it through their actions, how would you even process or make a decision about that?

Healing isn’t linear, and I want people to understand that. I’ve been doing really well for a while, but today, for some reason, I can barely breathe or eat. Days like this are normal, they come and go. Don’t let them convince you that you’ll never move on. Yesterday I felt like I had completely healed, and today feels like day one all over again. Don’t lose hope because of moments like this. Healing has setbacks.