u/jameshughlaurie

ways I have been exposed to hazardous substances against my will in the last 3 years:

-wildfire smoke takes over my city in the summer every single year now
-my job sandblasted down the floors in my office WHILE I WAS WORKING IN IT (because we’re “only” the weekend crew) during said smokey season, no fresh air to be had those days
-my job cleaned the HVAC system WHILE I WAS WORKING IN THE OFFICE. I sat in a room working at my desk with all the other desks covered in plastic (to protect the things of course, fuck the actual people though)
-my job will be painting the walls of the office soon WHILE I AM WORKING IN IT. The office has magnetically locked doors and no openable windows btw.
-there is currently a massive dump fire at a facility right by my house and the air in my apartment smells like burning batteries and electronics and chemicals. It’s really bad. Like, air purifiers don’t work, my eyes are red and burning, my throat feels tight. Bad bad.
-new upstairs neighbours moved in and like to smoke in the house (non smoking lease)

I live in freaking Canada dude. I have 3 air purifiers in my apartment. I can’t believe how much of my adult life has been spent fighting for safe work/home conditions. I can’t believe how much actual poison I have been exposed to just to GO TO WORK and BE AT HOME.

bonus: Mom is a smoker so I grew up breathing in all that sweet secondhand smoke

I work 1on1 for like 19 hours a week with this person (more time than I spend with anyone else 1on1 usually) and I do not know how to handle this 🫠 constantly she’s talking about being skinny/wanting to be skinnier, how she used to be so much skinnier, how hungry she is, how she used to have abs, how many calories are in everything. I’ve gained probably 20 pounds in the last year since I went through a major breakup and have been living alone so there’s no limit to what I can eat in a day. I’ve been doing OK and trying to only buy healthy food so if I binge it’s like “damn that was all the carrots” but yk I’m still getting takeout and chips and things that I can’t help but eat all of at once.

There’s this cute guy at my work who brings me coffee and snacks. Sometimes before he goes on a coffee run he’ll ask her if she wants anything too, and ALWAYS she has to say “no I don’t want to be fat” or “no that’s so many calories” which is lowkey humiliating after I’ve just said yes please and thank you happily (there are few things better in life than a cute guy bringing you a coffee) and it just messes with my head.

Her and I do not get along well often and it feels intentional sometimes. I try to just brush it off, but it’s annoying having to fend off the thoughts of what she says when I’m choosing what to wear or what to eat. I wouldn’t stoop low enough to diss skinny bodies or mention that I think curves can serve to enhance one’s femininity, but sometimes that instinct is there, as she has said some rude things about my appearance before (“who are you wearing all that makeup for??” about my eye liner and mascara I’ve worn on the daily since I was 13 or 14)

you have to stop grunting!!!!! I can’t explain why but I’m from the future and something rlly awful happens if you don’t stop making effort grunts right now. And pen clicks. the future is really bad if you keep clicking your pen. pls

US to Canada

Is this normal? I payed the customs fee the same day I got the notice for it (last Wednesday) but my package still hasn’t moved since then. I’m a little nervous because it is a valuable but also very small package. Could it be lost? Should I look for a way to reach out or hold on?

Need to get a tooth taken out for orthodontic purposes. Don’t have insurance so this whole thing is already really expensive, but I also don’t want a bad extraction experience. How much does it matter where I go? My usual dentist is lynnwood dental, has anyone done an extraction with them?

But I’m not. I like you as a person and that’s why we’re hanging out, but if you suggest I’m using you after I offer to pay every time then you’re being silly. I never once asked for a ride and when I accepted your offer I made sure you knew I was entirely comfortable taking the bus or an uber if you changed your mind or don’t feel like it. I always offer to fill your tank when we’re at the gas station. I always tell you I appreciate the rides you give me. I always pull my card out at the drive through and I always say thank you for everything when we part ways.

So here’s something I would never say to you that rings in my head when you bring this up: If I was out to use someone, I would probably look for someone with more money than myself and a nicer apartment than my own. So I guess it’s a good thing that isn’t what’s happening here.

Living alone, going out alone, I enjoy myself. If I want a smoothie I go get a smoothie. If I’m with someone and I want a smoothie and they’re down I’ll get us both smoothies. So if we’re driving around aimlessly, looking for a snack, and I say “can we go get a smoothie?” that’s because if you weren’t here I’d already be smoothieing it up. If you don’t want a smoothie that’s cool, I’ll get one later on my own time. But the suggestion that this whole get together has been an elaborate ploy to use you for a ride to the smoothie parlour is absurd. Doordashing one smoothie costs less than going to pick up two smoothies. Have a lot of women tried to use you for blended fruit beverages? Why is that thought even occurring to you?

Already asked them politely not to do that as it comes into my unit and I chose this place because smoking is not allowed indoors here (it’s on both of our leases). All was well after that first talk until we had an incident where they were causing a ruckus right outside my window at 4AM and ever since then I’m getting the cigarette smell in my apartment and the silent treatment from the people upstairs. I will straight up just move again if I have to (pretty sure them smoking inside would allow me out of my lease) but I’m really frustrated that they moved somewhere with a non-smoking lease just to bring that habit with them.

I’m thinking of buying vent filters (do they have those for cigarette smoke?) and then speaking to the landlord again before I say anything about moving. Any tips?

That is all really. We’re childhood friends but really different people. I know nobody is perfect but recently she just makes me feel bad about things and I find myself feeling like “I am unhappy about xyz but I can’t say anything because she is my only friend” which is not a good reason to maintain a relationship (and yet extremely motivating to try and be agreeable)

I kinda feel like I’m doomed to be a friendless grump like my father and like there’s something odd about me to find myself in this position. I hate the idea of going from 1 to 0 friends. I used to have more friends but they were always through an ex or were guy friends who were actually trying to get something from me. I know all the signs point to me being unlikeable but I like me and I am good to my people and I don’t see what’s so terrible I should change, I really think if I met the right people I’d do alright, but results so far speak for themselves. However when I try to go with the flow I end up feeling the way I do now and regretting not just going places alone so I can experience it the way I hoped (minus the lonely part)

This is a problem when it comes to drinking and I like to have like two beers when I go out. Except I am a single woman so I have to go through a checklist of like 15 things to be “safe” drinking in public alone, and regardless of all of that I still get looked at sideways if I mention having been in a bar alone. What else am I supposed to do? I don’t drink not because I want to be strictly sober but because I have nobody to do it with and I don’t like lying about going out for a drink on my own when all I want is the same experience other people my age have going to bars. I wish I did have friends to go with so it wasn’t so weird but i don’t. Am I supposed to miss out forever?

In my one remaining long term friendship I’ve been feeling restrained at best and judged at worst. I do stuff by myself all the time and I invited her to something I wanted to share with her, and she seemed to have fun but the whole time we did what she wanted to do and then when it came to do what I wanted to do she acted like she was being forced to be there and pushed me to leave early (after moping the entire show).

I have another much smaller concert later this month I was scared to go alone to but f that noise and thank goodness she doesn’t like country music! Rather be an awkward but happy loner than feel the way I do now again.

I’m 23f for context

There’s a musician playing at a bar/club near me, and I really wanna go, but my one friend is not interested in joining me and my other friend is unavailable that night.

The show starts at 8pm and I want to have a glass or two of cider and enjoy the music, maybe dance if I’m not feeling too shy that night. but I’m worried it might be dangerous or too much for me, as it is downtown. I don’t go into the city much and even though my city isn’t \\\*that\\\* bad I’m not built for the streets and I get spooked downtown. But I feel like never going downtown might be irrational and preventing me from living as well as I could.

Is this something I should do? This year I’ve been doing all the things I’ve wanted to do but was too scared to do alone before, but this one has me questioning myself. Is it weird to be a solo girl at a club?? Is there a safe way to do this? Should I chill out? The music is pretty gentle country music, so should I expect a gentle country crowd?

the last concert I went to alone, I thoroughly enjoyed the music but I was also pretty anxious and got too drunk to talk to anyone, but that had assigned seating so there was no pressure to mingle. Part of me does love dancing and loud music I’m just really anxious about going alone. Maybe this will be better to go alone to than the concert was? It’s a popular place in my city with people my age so that’s cool but I’m scared someone will recognize me and/or I’ll make a fool of myself

pls help

Tonight my stomach betrayed me. I was taking a bath, feeling a little grumble in the tummy region and not thinking much of it. Thinking of the ways I planned to prepare myself to go to work in the morning, I go to drain the tub, and I start feeling overwhelmingly unwell. Within minutes I find myself curled up around a plastic salad bowl, still damp from the tub, completely naked slipping around on my living room floor.

I begin to feel my guts rising and the gagging starts. With horror, I realize this will not only
be vomit. I make a mad dash for the bathroom, every movement provoking new waves of sickness from my insides. I brace myself on the bathroom floor, awaiting what will happen next. Suddenly I am overcome with one more moment of sanity and I move myself from the floor to the now-empty tub, gagging, “thank myself later” through fits of misery.

Almost immediately upon entering the bathtub I become a double ended founded of disgusting things. With my head hung against the shower wall I expel everything I had consumed that day and maybe ever. This is graphic enough so I’m ending my description there but it was gross.

Feeling shaky but momentarily better, I raise myself and try to rinse everything away. Less than 20 minutes ago I had been squeaky clean, draining a tub, preparing myself for the next day. Now I have committed atrocities in that same tub which I have to address. So I’m trying to rinse the horrible concoction down the drain, adjusting the temperature of the water many times, (I feel way too cold when the water is running cool but at the same time immediately sick again when touched with any warmth) and it starts draining really slowly.

So yeah, I clogged my bathtub. I stayed in the shower for a long, long time and managed to get it clean enough to not smell and clean myself up, but it’s still not draining well and I need to deal with that tomorrow.

So after this whole ordeal it’s almost 12:30 at night and I decide I’d better call in sick for work the next day. I usually never call in sick because I really need the money, but I do have like 3 days of sick pay every year which I am strongly discouraged from using during the holidays. This seems like the right time to use that.

For context, I work in room with one other person and we share a lot of work. This other person has called in sick like 3 or 4 times in the last few months which is very much felt by me, but I blame management for not providing coverage. It shouldn’t matter but I myself have not called in sick in almost a year. Just a few weekends ago I worked 12.5 hours without a break because the other person I work with called in sick and management provided no coverage. The only rule I have ever been told was that we need to give at least one hour’s notice for missing a shift.

I tried to inform my manager through text message, saying in my message that I would check in again in the morning to confirm I wouldn’t be there (they’ve asked me to do this before so I do it, even though I call in because I’m unwell and the last thing I need is to “check in” at 6am) In response my manager basically said “I’m on vacay so you need figure it out you’d better find coverage or tough it out” which is just crazy to me because there is no way that’s what they said to the other person when they called in sick all those times recently.

I’m at a loss for words. I thought I had a better relationship with my manager but between the garbage situations he’s been putting me in and this I feel totally let down. I would get it if he said this to the other person I work with because they call in sick very frequently, which I have never held against them because they have that right and so should anyone, and because MANAGEMENT needs to figure out coverage, but WTF. I’m so tempted to say any of the stuff above to him and ask what’s up?? I just said I’ll ask the two people I’m comfortable speaking to outside of work at a more reasonable hour and that I definitely cannot work tomorrow morning, because it’s like 4am at this point. I reached out at 12:30, he responded to me at 3am, I woke up in a flurry to the message and now I’m both sick and my heart is racing from anxiety. I pushed back on it and he just started sending me people’s numbers to call.

Right now I need this job to pay my bills and my way through school so I’m doing my best to deal with it but this is ridiculous :/