u/jbreckca

Turning 40 and just started talking to my retired parents about their arrangements. They’re healthy luckily but life is messy: they have tons of debt from lifelong financial illiteracy, and my mom used shopping her whole life to soothe her stress.

Now there’s a house full of stuff. It looks like Ross. Clothes, designer bags, 90s furniture, etc. Growing up, things would just get stuffed in the garage, and when that got full, an outdoor storage unit they built in the backyard. I haven’t lived there since HS and it’s gotten worse. I’d sell it all myself and take the profits if I were nearby but that’s not possible.

I’ve provided all the tools for my parents to start an eBay store (they often ask me for money) but they’re so resistant: afraid of upset customers, tech being too hard, stressful career life basically making them unmotivated to work anymore. I’m tired of them saying they don’t have money to do things (they really don’t). But now I’m even more stressed because if they don’t sell their stuff, I have to deal with it after they die. Hopefully they won’t pass anytime soon but I have been asking them to downsize for at least 10 years!

This is part venting, part looking for strategies. Anyone going through something similar? Should I just let this go and inherit all their stuff? I feel bad for the environment, and the thought of wasting months of my life sorting through their stuff makes me sick.

Edit: I’m also upset that they brush problems under the rug and somehow think someone else (me) will take care of their things when they’re gone. It seems selfish. :( I’m aware this is a mental health condition. They unfortunately don’t see it that way and are not willing to see a therapist or doctor because they don’t see it as being a problem. I think their things are a physical, visible representation of their hard work, not the debt they’ve accrued because of it and not the money they could gain from it.

I’ve always been an ambitious person. Traveled a lot in my 20s and 30s, got the fancy corporate jobs in cities around the US, gained a lot of creative skills, met great people.

I knew a lot of this was because my boomer parents have had financial troubles (unpaid home from the 80s, no retirement, no long term care funds saved). And yes I’ve helped them financially through the years. I wanted to live a big life before my 40s/50s when I may have to consider their survival even more.

Well I just turned 40 and we’re starting to talk about their financial and legal affairs.

When I was 33 I burned out and started to work for myself. It went well for a while, then it got really hard. I had to pivot a LOT (offers + marketing strategies) to keep making money because industries keep changing and I knew I didn’t want to go back to stressful corporate work. Now I’m thousands in debt—first time ever.

I’m now worried about my own debt and my parents’ debt. They’re luckily healthy but I never know when that can change.

I have (another) great offer to sell but I just can’t seem to pick up the phone to sell it. I’m not passionate about it—it’s just yet another trend businesses need to keep up. Surviving business to not go back to corporate has also burned me out, and I think I’m so exhausted I don’t have it in me to try anymore. I feel like I’ve been trying to escape disaster since I left for college at 17, graduated during the 08 recession, and stumbled through stressful jobs for years. And now it seems the economy is sh** again and everyone is having a hard time finding or keeping their job.

Is anyone else just tired? Anyone older have advice on how to bounce back? I feel like I lost my spark even though I know I still have so much to offer in this world.

PS. Thanks reading if you did. I’ve been to therapy before for years. Can’t afford it now so here I am on Reddit. Haha ugh

I’ve been using RoC retinol since 35, about to be 40 soon. I read somewhere it would be good at that age but wasn’t really tracking changes. And I picked it because it’s affordable (having all around anti-aging plus the eye cream as a combo seemed easy).

Curious to know when to upgrade to retinal or even tret? I don’t have really deep wrinkles yet but I’d like to do as much prevention as possible. I also have slightly sensitive skin and some subtle rosacea but nothing too bad.

Here’s my night routine so far in case anyone has suggestions for improvement. Been trying to lean more natural / affordable / accessible, depending on what my skin can handle.

1. Double cleanse starting with SKIN1004 Madagascar Centella Light Cleansing Oil

2. Wash with Weleda gel (might switch to Aveeno oat cleanser due to cost)

3. Dermaplane every 10 days with Michael Todd tool

4. ROC for face, then eyes

5. Musely spot cream for dark spots (expensive though!)

6. LRP moisturizer (might switch to Vanicream due to cost)

7. Aquaphor for lips (just throwing this in here because it’s been a game changer adding this before sleep!)

Not sure if anything is missing but open to suggestions especially about retinal/tret!