Lilith is intense! (New to her energy)
I've been working with mostly Hindu deities and began my spiritual journey/ practice in earnest at the beginning of this year. I was brought up Catholic, hated it... half my family is Hindu, so I gravitated that way. I developed an instant connection with the Mahavidyas, especially Kali ma. She's considered taboo, especially for women to worship in my culture, and I was warned about her, pushed to reconsider, etc. One of my friends who was especially vehement about this, which was a bummer as she's the only spiritual person I know. I was confused for a time but kept being guided back to dark feminine energy. Kali ma, then Hekate for a time, Sekhmet, and now Lilith.
When I first started feeling Lilith's call, I was scared. Being brought up Catholic, I was faced yet again with the indoctrination and taboos surrounding her (similarly to Kali on the Hindu side, but more intense as she's considered a demon). This reddit and research helped me start to break down the fears surrounding her, and I finally put down my guards and connected with her yesterday morning. The feeling was intense. I was lightheaded, and I could feel her annoyed that I had come to her without eating first. I got three words in particular when I connected: "Power, Unity, Liberation." I looked everywhere but couldn't find those words in connection with her, but it does seem to fit her persona.
I started to realize that I had formed an unhealthy illusionary attachment to a male energy, and that's what Lilith was here to destroy/ get rid of. I just wondered if that sounded right to those who know her well? Over the day yesterday, I became confronted with several emotions and realizations and messages, saying I had formed this male attachment that needs to go. I felt ashamed I had let my need for an escape get this far. At night (night of the eclipse), I made an offering to her and said, "Please do what you need to do." I had the most terrifying nightmares that felt so dark and demonic in nature that I got so scared. I honestly can't remember them now, only that is how it felt. I was so scared that I prayed to St. Michael and worried I had done something wrong (St. Michael is a long-time guide of mine who I've pledged to, I have a tattoo for him, and my connection to him is non-negotiable... I know some say I can't work with him and Lilith at the same time, but something is telling me that's not true). Now, in the light of the day, I feel more at peace and grounded. I've just been sat here wondering if this is just how Lilith worked... if it's okay that I called on St. Michael. If it was really her... etc. Im so new to this and just wish I had guidance in the form of community.
Please give me any advice or thoughts you might have. Thank you x