u/jimbojamesisbehindu

I went through hell at my last behavioral health job, not even exaggerating, a patient tried and almost gouged my eye out lol. Anyways, I found a residential house that needed an overnight staff to be with clients. I literally just pop my head in to check on them every 15 minutes and I study in between. If they need meds, I'll grab them. If they're experiencing symptoms, I talk them through it. That doesn't even happen often either considering they're all asleep throughout the night a majority of the time. I also get paid $7 more than what I was getting paid at my last job and deal with way less. It's the perfect job as well since I'm in school, it makes it easy to get studying and homework done. I think I deserve it considering the abuse I went through for the past 5 years at my last job. It's such a breath of fresh air.

I don't even know how to feel. He relapsed again and has been using every weekend since. He was sober for a while but went back to it, which is crazy because everything was on track. I genuinely think he did it just because he was bored of life. This led to him losing his job though and now financially, everything is on me. I'm in school full time (nursing) and working as well so the workload I have right now is already so much. Regardless of if I stay or leave, I'm screwed financially. I'm so mad at him right now. I hate it because I'm so mad but then he comes to me when he's sober and hits the heart strings just right to where I'm feeling bad for him and want to make it work. I love him so much it hurts to think of leaving him, but I'll also hurt if I stay. There's no winning I feel. I'm in love with him when he's sober. I don't love the person he is when using, he's so mean and careless when he is. I don't even know the reason of this post; I just need to get it out somewhere. I just keep praying that one day something clicks to where he wants to stay sober... I wish I could be enough... but let's be real, nothing will be enough unless he really wants it himself.

How do you guys cope with anxiety? I’m going to talk to my therapist tomorrow about it but it’s throwing me into a spiral tonight. There’s too much to get into but long story short I’m having anxiety and creating unlikely and intense scenarios that are freaking me out. I can’t sleep it and it has me worried for tomorrow morning even though I know the scenario is highly unlikely. It’s just throwing me for a loop and I think I had a panic attack but it’s been a while since I’ve had one so idk if I’d categorize it as that. I don’t know, my minds everywhere and I think I messed up cause it’s day 3 without my meds. I’ll take them again in the morning. Ugh.

Super excited! I figured, "What's the worst that can happen?" and sent this artist a message about taking pictures at his show. He actually replied and sent me an email to his manager, and they're getting it set up to give me a photo pass. I've always wanted to get into concert photography, so I feel like this is a start. It's a small show, but it's still very exciting to have a starting point. Hoping this can open more opportunities by having some work to show when I ask other artists who play at this venue in the future.