u/justtpassingbyy

A few days ago, I posted about my brother's 17 year old friend.

He passed away two days ago.

Ah abbayi family ekkada possible ayithe akkada prayers cheyisthu undevaru(while he was alive). Oka dargah nunchi thechina powder ni tana daggara pettaru.

Around one hour before he passed away, he suddenly said...Ah powder ni evaro thiskelthunnaru chudandi..chudandi ani..

Kani intlo vallaki evaru kanipinchaledu. Vaallu thana health condition valla ala anipisthundemo ani anukunnaru.

Around an hour later... he passed away.

My brother's friend is 17 and I just found out he has around a month left to live.

I've known him for years..I can't stop thinking about it.

Seventeen feels way too young for life to end.

Just a few days ago, he was discussing which college to join for btech.

I don't really know how to process this.

I keep thinking... if I'm struggling to process it, what must he be thinking.. what must be going through in his mind right now?

My brother's friend is 17 and I just found out he has around a month left to live.

I've known him for years..I can't stop thinking about it.

Seventeen feels way too young for life to end.

Just a few days ago, he was discussing which college to join for engineering.

I don't really know how to process this.

I keep thinking... if I'm struggling to process it, what must he be thinking.. what must be going through in his mind right now?

My brother's friend is 17 and I just found out he has around a month left to live.

I've known him for years..I can't stop thinking about it.

Seventeen feels way too young for life to end.

Just a few days ago, he was discussing which college to join for btech.

I don't really know how to process this.

I keep thinking... if I'm struggling to process it, what must he be thinking.. what must be going through in his mind right now?

I (21F) recently got my first job in IT and I'll probably be joining in 1-2 months.

I'm the eldest daughter and I have siblings.

Today all 5 of us were sitting together and talking, and somehow the topic of salary came up. I've mentioned before that my in-hand might be around 34k.

I also have an education loan. My plan was to pay around 10k every month towards it. I'll be moving to Bangalore and I want to stay in a decent PG because I already know what it's like to struggle there. A decent PG might cost around 10k or maybe more.

So after loan and rent, I'll probably be left with around 10-14k.

My mom then said I should send 10k home every month and that 4k is enough for my expenses.

I don't know why but that made me feel horrible.

The thing is, I'm not someone who spends nothing on herself. I like dressing well. I spend on skincare. I buy makeup. I have recharges, travel expenses and other small things. And anyone who has stayed in a PG in Bangalore knows that there are days when you just can't eat the PG food and end up ordering something.

4k feels impossible.

What hurts is that I've already lived through something similar.

After engineering, I stayed in Bangalore for around 6-8 months. My PG rent was 6.5k for a 4-sharing room and my dad paid that.

Apart from rent, my parents would only send money if possible, usually around 500-1000, once every 1-2 months.

I know they sent what they could. I'm not blaming them.

But the reality is that I used to starve myself sometimes. I would skip things I wanted. I would keep calculating every rupee because I hated asking anyone for money, especially my parents.

Even during engineering I did a part-time job that paid around 10k a month.

I bought things for myself from that money.

I sent money home during emergencies.

I sent money to my siblings.

I spent on my siblings.

I paid whenever extra expenses came up.

I spent on my cousins.

I saved some of it too, and when I stopped the part-time job, I lived on those savings.

Because of that, everyone in my family and even my cousins kind of saw me as the "rich girl."

Even now, my siblings usually come to me first if they need something.

If they need money, if they want to eat something, if they need something for school or college, they come to me.

And honestly, I don't mind.

I don't want them growing up like me.

I don't want them constantly thinking about money.

I don't want them wondering whether they should ask for something or not.

I want them to feel like they have someone they can turn to.

And they turn to me.

I'm okay with that.

That's why this hurts so much because it's not like I don't want to help my family.

If I had enough money, I'd clear all my parents' loans.

I genuinely mean that.

The moment I got this job, I started telling my mom that one day I'll hire a maid for her and she can finally stop doing everything herself and just rest.

I want to give my family the best life possible.

That's why when she said "send 10k home and keep 4k for yourself," my face changed.

Because all I could think was, "You know how I live and you know how difficult Bangalore is."

Then she said things like, "Look at her. She's already like this now. Imagine how she'll become later."

She said I'm behaving as if I'm the one taking care of everyone.

That hurt.

Because even today, alot of my money went towards my family helping my family.

Then she again said that if I can't send 10k home, I should send my entire salary home and they'll send me money for my expenses because elders know how to manage money better.

We've fought about this before.

Usually I argue.

Usually I stand up for myself.

Today I didn't.

I just sat there.

The thing is that before this conversation even happened, I was already planning ways to help.

I was thinking maybe once every 5-6 months I could send around 30k home so they could pay off something important or reduce some loan burden.

It's not that I don't want to contribute.

It's not that I don't care.

I know my family's situation.

We're not extremely poor.

We have food, clothes, a good house.

We're a middle-class family.

But my father's salary mostly goes towards paying interest on loans.

I know my parents aren't asking because they're greedy.

I know why they're asking.

But I also feel hurt.

Somewhere along the way, I feel like my family's expectations of me became very big.

Sometimes it feels like everyone sees me as the future solution to every financial problem.

And maybe that's why today affected me so much.

My mom raised me telling me to be independent.

She always told me not to depend on anyone.

I grew up dreaming about travelling.

I wanted to see places.

I've never even seen a beach in my life.

I wanted to take trips.

I wanted to buy things without feeling guilty.

I wanted to build a house for myself someday.

I wanted financial freedom.

And today, for the first time, I felt like before I've even received my first salary, everyone has already decided where it belongs.

I keep thinking...

What about the things I want?

What about the trips I've imagined for years?

What about the places I wanted to see?

What about the life I wanted to build?

I still want to help my family.

I always will.

But today, something inside me broke.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am i selfish?

Edit: Used chatgpt for wording.

I (21F) recently got my first job in IT and I'll probably be joining in 1-2 months.

I'm the eldest daughter and I have siblings.

Today all 5 of us were sitting together and talking, and somehow the topic of salary came up. I've mentioned before that my in-hand might be around 34k.

I also have an education loan. My plan was to pay around 10k every month towards it. I'll be moving to Bangalore and I want to stay in a decent PG because I already know what it's like to struggle there. A decent PG might cost around 10k or maybe more.

So after loan and rent, I'll probably be left with around 10-14k.

My mom then said I should send 10k home every month and that 4k is enough for my expenses.

I don't know why but that made me feel horrible.

The thing is, I'm not someone who spends nothing on herself. I like dressing well. I spend on skincare. I buy makeup. I have recharges, travel expenses and other small things. And anyone who has stayed in a PG in Bangalore knows that there are days when you just can't eat the PG food and end up ordering something.

4k feels impossible.

What hurts is that I've already lived through something similar.

After engineering, I stayed in Bangalore for around 6-8 months. My PG rent was 6.5k for a 4-sharing room and my dad paid that.

Apart from rent, my parents would only send money if possible, usually around 500-1000, once every 1-2 months.

I know they sent what they could. I'm not blaming them.

But the reality is that I used to starve myself sometimes. I would skip things I wanted. I would keep calculating every rupee because I hated asking anyone for money, especially my parents.

Even during engineering I did a part-time job that paid around 10k a month.

I bought things for myself from that money.

I sent money home during emergencies.

I sent money to my siblings.

I spent on my siblings.

I paid whenever extra expenses came up.

I spent on my cousins.

I saved some of it too, and when I stopped the part-time job, I lived on those savings.

Because of that, everyone in my family and even my cousins kind of saw me as the "rich girl."

Even now, my siblings usually come to me first if they need something.

If they need money, if they want to eat something, if they need something for school or college, they come to me.

And honestly, I don't mind.

I don't want them growing up like me.

I don't want them constantly thinking about money.

I don't want them wondering whether they should ask for something or not.

I want them to feel like they have someone they can turn to.

And they turn to me.

I'm okay with that.

That's why this hurts so much because it's not like I don't want to help my family.

If I had enough money, I'd clear all my parents' loans.

I genuinely mean that.

The moment I got this job, I started telling my mom that one day I'll hire a maid for her and she can finally stop doing everything herself and just rest.

I want to give my family the best life possible.

That's why when she said "send 10k home and keep 4k for yourself," my face changed.

Because all I could think was, "You know how I live and you know how difficult Bangalore is."

Then she said things like, "Look at her. She's already like this now. Imagine how she'll become later."

She said I'm behaving as if I'm the one taking care of everyone.

That hurt.

Because even today, alot of my money went towards my family helping my family.

Then she again said that if I can't send 10k home, I should send my entire salary home and they'll send me money for my expenses because elders know how to manage money better.

We've fought about this before.

Usually I argue.

Usually I stand up for myself.

Today I didn't.

I just sat there.

The thing is that before this conversation even happened, I was already planning ways to help.

I was thinking maybe once every 5-6 months I could send around 30k home so they could pay off something important or reduce some loan burden.

It's not that I don't want to contribute.

It's not that I don't care.

I know my family's situation.

We're not extremely poor.

We have food, clothes, a good house.

We're a middle-class family.

But my father's salary mostly goes towards paying interest on loans.

I know my parents aren't asking because they're greedy.

I know why they're asking.

But I also feel hurt.

Somewhere along the way, I feel like my family's expectations of me became very big.

Sometimes it feels like everyone sees me as the future solution to every financial problem.

And maybe that's why today affected me so much.

My mom raised me telling me to be independent.

She always told me not to depend on anyone.

I grew up dreaming about travelling.

I wanted to see places.

I've never even seen a beach in my life.

I wanted to take trips.

I wanted to buy things without feeling guilty.

I wanted to build a house for myself someday.

I wanted financial freedom.

And today, for the first time, I felt like before I've even received my first salary, everyone has already decided where it belongs.

I keep thinking...

What about the things I want?

What about the trips I've imagined for years?

What about the places I wanted to see?

What about the life I wanted to build?

I still want to help my family.

I always will.

But today, something inside me broke.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am i selfish?

Edit: Used chatgpt for wording.