u/kanafehkilla

Hey guys,

I was thinking my connection was going alright, it’s still fairly new. I was paired with a 14 year old and we’ve done things like go on hikes, and I took her to a popular mall around us, and a color me mine.

Though out the past month (maybe two months?) I’ve been trying to schedule a more relaxed hang, something that doesn’t cost me too much money. Going to the nearby mall, taking her to a nearby ramen spot, doing tarot in the park with a charcuterie since she voiced interest in doing that, going to the gym together since she had also voiced interest.

We had planned three different times to go out with her actual older sister and her older sisters big, for dinner and walking around a popular shopping area. The first two times the other “big” canceled last minute, and the last time the girls canceled last minute.

She’s completely ignored all of the attempts I’ve made to plan something with her- and then out of the blue texts me and says we should go to a concert together to see an artist she likes.

I’m not sure if it’s just her age but these experiences paired with the fact the person who matched us literally told me essentially that she “she tries to get gifts out of her bigs” has me feeling a bit weird. From what I’ve gathered, her mom is usually too busy to drive her around places around the city so I get the feeling she’s using me to go to cool places her mom isn’t able to take her to- as opposed to needing or wanting mentorship or a supportive adult in her life. Although yes, all kids need that.

I don’t have a bunch of money to blow. I told the match supervisor my issues with her not responding, and they said they would reach out on their end, but they haven’t gotten back to me.

Not really sure how to respond to my littles text, was kind of hoping to hear back from BBBS before.
Thinking it might be better to be paired with someone else, but not sure. What do you guys think?

I have two friends who I’ve known for a few years, and we used to be closer. They both consider me a really good friend.

Someone important to me got murdered earlier this year and my mental health was pretty affected. I posted about it many times on socials, expressing how distraught I am. I hear from only one of them “I’m so sorry” and that’s it.

Other friends went out of their way to distract me and invite me out, asked me about what my lost one was like, and one even brought me a comforting gift. These two particular friends did nothing for me.

In fact, one even said “friend2 is having a hard time right now, maybe we can plan a girls day for her” during this time, which rubbed me the wrong way. If it was a big issue I’d hear about it, and with what she was posting about it simply had to do with issues at work. Like bro my friend got killed..

Neither of them brought up the pain I was going through, or asked how I was dealing with it. As someone who doesn’t have a good support system (no family), this bothered me that they would act this way yet tell me that I’m a close friend.

I don’t expect a high level of care from people, but it kind of messes with me when people call themselves my good or close friends, yet can’t even sit with me in a moment of grief.

One of them just asked, after 4 months of not really seeing or hearing from eachother, if we could have a “bestie” day and gave the option for two dates & asked for availability.

I’m not angry at these people & want to remain cordial. But with my background & attachment issues, I don’t think this kind of friendship is good for my mental health. I’ve been ignoring the texts and I feel bad, but I just genuinely don’t know what to say to them.

I don’t want to see them. I’ve had some underlying problems with them aside from this anyways but tried ignoring it. I may be open to seeing them in the future but idk.

Any ideas? Am I being awful or am I overreacting?

I don’t care to bring up my hurt feelings because the damage is done and theres no going back, I just feel like there would be no use to. I also just don’t want any drama.

For context, I am in a very very lucky and privileged position. My father died and I inherited a position in the family company where I essentially just get income doing nothing. I am in my early 30s.

It honestly killed any of the little motivation I had to get into a trade school or attempt to develop a career. Not only do I have ADHD but I have CPTSD and a chronic illness on top of it.

My body and mind are still healing from my past. My nervous system is a wreck. I genuinely do NOT want to find a career. I work here and there doing dog walking and pet sitting, I also will pick up some odd jobs every so often.

I also am very involved in my community and have multiple volunteer positions. But when people ask me what I do for work, I feel so much shame that I don’t have a good answer.

I think about how difficult it is for me to get literally anything done (been working on creating systems the past year and it’s helped a lot with my productivity but STILL). Between my executive dysfunction, awful memory, intense random bouts of depression and random unpredictable pain flare ups that put me in bed for days, I have no idea how I would ever be able to hold a normal job. My quality of life would be severely affected if I did.

What do I even say when people ask me what I do? Whenever I’m honest people think I’m just bragging. Whenever I give little details I sound like a loser. I try redirecting to saying what I do in my spare time, art and volunteer work. I do feel guilty that I have this luxury and others don’t, but does that mean I don’t deserve it? I don’t know.

I put in a request to patch up my garage, and also deal with the feces.

There is feces everywhere, and a strong smell of cat urine on some of my items. There are feces on some of my items as well, which I don’t feel comfortable moving or disposing of.

I talked to the guys who came to patch it up, as they said they were with the property management company, and they said I’d have to clear out the garage of my items first for them to clear it.

How is that not a health hazard if the cat poop is literally on top of my things? Do I just suck it up and do it anyway or is there a code I can refer to?

I need a product that can give shine without making my hair feel tacky.. I’ve tried color wow dream coat and Marc Anthony grow long anti frizz shield ultimate blowout but they both leave my hair greasy looking, even if I don’t add much. It’s way too heavy.

I would love to be able to give myself a nice blowout with my shark flexstyle but I need a product that isn’t too heavy that it will slow down my drying time (literally takes like 4+ hours to dry on its own for context despite it being fine 🥺) but will still make my never shiny frizzy hair at least look presentable.

I know it’s asking for a lot already, but would also love a cruelty free product.

Please help 😩 and before anyone says I go natural, I’ve tried the past 3 years, and curls are simply a sensory nightmare for me.