
I feel sorry for my dad because he raised a useless virgin
I'm 26 and have gotten used to having nothing going for me on most days. But on some days everything just hits me like a train wreck all at once and I break down.
So naturally I get these thoughts of just ending it, and if I lived alone I'd be tempted to try. But I live with my dad. A old man raised by work, who is working even when he has no work and who did everything he could for his family despite earning such little money. Always comes home smiling too, despite all the physical and mental strain.
And then there's his youngest son, who moved back in with him after college because there are no jobs for a philosophy graduate. His adolescent years and the time he spent at college were a perpetual stream of *nothing*. No friend groups, no experience in anything, no first kiss, no job prospects, no romance, no drivers license, no networking, no promising future. "Nothing" is what he'd answer when parents always asked what's up, until they eventually realized this is the most honest answer they could get out of him.
So now I sit here. A useless idiot who gets rejected by everything and everyone including dunkin donuts, whose entire life amounts to a whole lot of reading, video games, porn, drawing and any other ways to kill time and stop his brain from thinking about the yesterday, the present, the future, and any conceivable time period until the flat black fades into a dark blue and I wonder if there's any point of trying to sleep now.
I got scammed today. Saved the little money I had to build my very first PC, so I bought a second hand gpu and I'm pretty sure this guy is not actually gonna ship it. 280€ gone. I trusted him, I deserve it.