u/kingspooky93

I'm about 2 weeks on estrogen, haven't noticed any changes. Before I started estrogen, I felt pretty confident that this is something I wanted to do, but since I've started socially transitioning and everything, I've been reconsidering and feeling some intense feelings of "this isn't right for me". 

Some backstory. I'm 33 AMAB, and have been identifying as non-binary almost my whole life. Always felt more connected to women, always felt like women made more sense than men, and have rarely felt masculine myself. I've thought many times that if I was "born a girl" I would be happier. I've always been a bigger person (fat, overweight, whatever), and that was the biggest thing holding me back from making any significant changes to my appearance, although I have gotten a few tattoos and got my ears pierced. I've always kind of felt like once I get skinny, then everything will be easier, but I'm 33 now and I'm starting to feel like I don't want to end up an old person wondering "what if?" 

I started really focusing on my weight loss and lost a little over 40 lbs so far, but still have a long way to go. But the weight loss has been an inspiration to make other changes, like transitioning.

However, since starting, while it has brought me some joy exploring clothes, experimenting with makeup, and having fun with everything, it feels performative. And I'm wondering if maybe transitioning isn't the right move, or not the right move right now, maybe weight loss is what I'm really striving for, and once I've lost a fair amount of weight I can reassess.

I don't say that to say I need to stop experimenting with clothes and makeup and all that, just to say that maybe medical transitioning doesn't need to be a part of it, and maybe I don't need to constantly be "on", I don't need to be presenting as a girl all the time, I can be more fluid with it. After all, I don't feel fully female, I still feel non-binary. I think it may just have been something I rushed into and maybe it wasn't the right time yet.

I'm not really sure what help I'm looking for here, I guess just reassurance that it's okay to stop and come back to this later on.

I'm 33, non-binary transfemme. I've identified as non-binary/agender for a while, and it's mostly been because I haven't felt like my body looks the way I want it to (I've been fat my whole life, but I gained a lot after Covid, and only recently I've started losing it again). All of my adult life I've felt like my body didn't look the way I saw myself in my mind, and I've always felt like if I had been born a girl, I would've been happier. If I could snap my fingers and suddenly be a girl, I would, without hesitation.

I started on estrogen (2mg oral) a little over a week ago, because I felt like it was the right time to start my transition. But since I started, I've been having these really intense feelings that I might regret this decision. That maybe I just want to lose weight, or that I don't need to change my body in this way to become the girl I want to be (I can explore my feminine side without making permeant changes.)

I think I might want to wait until I've lost a bit more weight to see how I feel about my body, maybe now isn't the right time to start physically transitioning, and while I feel like I am taking things slow, I also feel like I'm moving way too fast. I've told most of my friends and family, and now what am I supposed to do, say "just kidding" (I joke, and I know they'll accept me regardless).

I think there are other elements to this as well, because I am non-binary, I don't feel completely female, although I almost never feel male, there is a big gray area between.

I know that, even if I don't take estrogen, or make any changes to my body in this way, that I'm still valid, that my identity is still valid.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Can anyone give me some encouragement? I am planning to set up an appointment with a therapist soon to kind of break this all down.

Thanks for reading if you read the whole thing. I'm just struggling right now.

Any movies about Stockholm Syndrome? Not really about escaping or getting revenge, just about someone being held captive and developing a connection to the kidnapper.

I'm only 3 days on estrogen and I just went to the bathroom and it hurt, had kind of a weird aching sensation in my bladder. This has only happened once so far, but I'm wondering if it's normal or why it's happening, if it's related to the estrogen.

For context I'm taking 2mg oral tablets twice a day (morning and night). No progesterone, or anything else, just the estrogen.

If this is normal, will it go away on it's own?

2mg estradiol oral, supposed to take twice a day, but my doc basically just said morning and night. I'm only on day 2, I've been doing the first one right after breakfast and the second one right before bed. Does it actually matter the exact times? Should I be taking the second does earlier? Like after lunch or a little earlier in the evening?

Where my titties at?

I have an appointment set up next week at an informed consent clinic to discuss getting on hrt. What can I expect at this initial visit?

I've heard a few TikTok creators and others use the term "egg" to refer to trans people. What's the reason for this?

Marked NSFW for mentions of genitals

I have my appointment with the informed consent clinic next week and I was wondering about taking Bicalutimide along with estrogen, but I got to thinking, if I just took Bicalutamide without the estrogen, from what I read, that might yield the results I'm looking for without needing estrogen.

I am looking to feminize my body, breast development, weight redistribution, softer skin, etc. but I want to keep functionality of, and size of my penis as much as possible, and I've read that Bica can help maintain that.

Has anyone had experience with taking Bica without estrogen?