he took advantage of me. really REALLY badly.
i was in the worst state ive ever been in my whole life and he used me.
WHY TF do i have to see a dream of him NOW. after 6 years. im spiraling
everything is flooding back to me, i havent thought of these things in years and now everything is coming back and idk what to do, how to stop this. i want to just scream
Sorry if this is not allowed. Im just unraveling rn
read this quote from a book and decided to draw something because sadly its relatable af
The text is from a book that i was just reading. Sadly relating to the main character too much, so i drew something.
i see my psychiatric nurse who gives me my abilify maintena every 2 months.
i saw him a week ago and i told him ive been feeling...weird, alot of ups and downs and told him i tried to kill myself a month ago but my boyfriend talked me out of it. all he said was 'hmmm well i hope next 2 months youll feel better!' and gave my med and sent me on my way.
im kind of used to this, when any professional asks me how im feeling and i answer that i tried to kill myself, or ive been having amazing time (manic). they just... ignore and maybe if they are a psychiatrist, give me more meds.
i dont know what to do, my relationship takes a toll every time i go 'crazy'. my boyfriend said im a hard person to be with because i have my episodes. he also said he loves me even if im a bit crazy but im scared. weve broken up before because of my manic episode.
im honestly 100% sure my life will either end by suicide or suicide when my boyfriend leaves me after a manic episode and i crash.
i just wish i could get some help, help with dealing things, help when i want to kill myself etc
When i was younger, before i was diagnosed, i had bad insomnia. Usually sleeping like 4-6h.
You know how that worked out, boom mania and diagnosed.
Then i got meds and my sleeping got weird. I would sleep for example 12h +3h nap, next night 12h again and then 4h, 6h, 6h, and like 4 nights of 12h+ sleep aaand the cycle keeps repeating with maybe more nights of 12h+ sleep or more 4h sleep etc.
I cant put on an alarm, ive tried that multiple times. That would make me end up sleeping while sitting. Its awful if i try to wake up with an alarm, im like a literal zombie, cant stay up no matter what. Only taking a nap will work.
But when i have the nights when i sleep 6h or less, im fine the whole day. No naps, not tired.
I dont know how to make it better or fix this. I was sleeping a bit more normall when i wasnt on abilify but everything went to shit without abilify so thats out of the question.
Anyone else sleep weird like this? Or do you have any tips for me? Im sitting here waiting to get tired after sleeping 3h last night and im desperate
