u/landilock

Disclaimer : I'm not interested in retransitionning, and even if I was I can't for practical reasons. I'm not repping either please actually read the post before making these comments.

TLDR : I like some effects of HRT but can't be trans or risk being found. I also need to get surgery to better fit my gender role. I'm not really convinced by the "you should just be yourself" discourse. I don't have an actual identity so I'd rather avoid discrimination. I also want to swim again, be incognito in public again and be competitive on the dating scene.

I (AMAB) have been on E for a good while now, and overall I've come to appreciate the effects on my mood and feelings. Just to be clear : I'm not a normal individual. I don't have an identity in the way you do. For me the practical aspects overcome the sentimental (that why transition was a dead end), and I don't have as much feelings as other people do. Being on E brought some semblance of "peace" as well as some new sensations (won't call them feelings cause they're very quiet, I'd say around 10% the strength). It also brought a lot of balance, my mood now is very stable (I used to fear I may have been bipolar which now as not been an issue since).

I really don't like it on T because I fear losing all this, on T I just feel anger, frustration and arousal, nothing else behind. I also don't really like the way my skin and overall body looks on T (I know hiting the gym while targetting aesthetics instead of performance will help me).

On the other hand I can't really continue HRT in the future. I don't feel a real need to transition especially because I figured out my "trans feelings" mostly come from unresolved personality disorders or maybe PTSD (that would be really embarassing given how good I've had it in my life) I can't really get diagnosed for work reasons, and that would be stupid anyways given how little therapy helps for my kind of people. I fear that HRT might one day impact me negatively in my career if my employers found out I kept taking it.

I also need to convince myself to get top surgery, to better fit. I miss being free to do what I want, and I'd line to stop being a potential target in the future. I'm not interested in fighting for LGBTQ+ rights actively, so I'd rather not have it be a personal concern due to some disgreement I've had with the community in the past on a moral level. I also really miss being able to go to the swimming pool, and wearing dress shirts without binding. Finally, I'd rather have the possibility to date. My current relationship is going in a wall, and I don't want to be forced to date trans people. It's not that I don't like trans people, it's that I think me being detrans will ultimately be an issue on a "political" level and I'd rather have a normal dating pool. Me having breasts has a serious on my competitivity against other men. My opponents don't have to rely on finding poly women after all.

Edit : Also, I'm really concerned with penile shrinkage, so I need to stop ASAP to keep what I can. I feel like the "use it or lose it" at most saves a couple inches but that it unevitably ends becoming useless. That would also impact my competitivity and trigger huge body frustration.

Sorry if that sounds insensitive, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm more used to the other sub but I'm getting tired with their obsession against trans people.

Anyway, anyone relating ?

Ok so here we go, I'll come clean cause I don't care anymore. I'm seriously mentally ill and I have absolutely disgusting opinions. I basically just feel anger, frustration and... nah that's it. This is my life now. I used to have crazy religious feelings that I was contradicting God because of everything I got into my life, and that the only things I've ever done were out of spite. I used to be trans, but since I'm insanely transphobic I detransitionned (I don't try to enforce my views on anyone but me I don't care about people). I just hate myself and for what I used to be. I'm an absolute nut job that lurked in extremely toxic places, and everytime I try to discuss anything, it all comes back to me being the absolute trash of a human being. I'll list all the terrible things I've posted so far so you people can just access it freely and won't need to stalk me (I'll make an edit)

I now have nothing but intense hate against anyone and have figured that after years fighting against the piece of trash I am, I'll just set this as my new standard... so.. I'll just hate everyone and live in my corner until I die a stupid and boring death like anyone. Have fun with the world

Edit : FFS I don't want your advice, that's a venting sub

Hi,

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I've been around here a while, especially around the time I understood being trans was not going to be something I want.

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People all have different paths, but most of them still gave some degree of similarity and I don't relate to any of these, so it makes me doubt my brain thought process may be distorted by a mental health condition.

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Truth is, I felt ok while trans, it suited me better but I was forced to detransition and later on came to acknowledge that medical transition is usually wrong. I don't believe in AGP for my case, since really there were rarely anything sexual about it past like 2 months of transition (and most of it was just excitement really). The diminution of libido was a side effect I really really enjoyed, so it being a paraphilia sounds weird.

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I don't relate either to TOCD, but I'm starting to think me not relating is actually a symptom of it. The "dysphoria" I sometimes feel doesn't really sound like an obsessive thought, I just have moment thinking I dislike being a guy, I feel bad about it, about my body then I move on. There's no real compulsivity, these thoughts don't keep me awake at night it's just some sort of faint background noise I sometimes notice when my mind isn't busy. And I don't HATE being a man, it just doesn't suit me well (but what can you do)(no don't tell me "it's fine being GNC", I present male and am fine with it, it's just a matter between me and my body).

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Now I know these kinds of disorders tend to twist your perception, and no I can't get diagnosed (would destroy my career which is the last thing keeping me from relapsing I feel). I'd just like to know what your thought is, and if it could sound like TOCD (or anything else of course).

Salut,

Petit post rapide pour dire que franchement je pense que c'est purement inutile de flood le sub avec des demandes type "ahlala je suis classé.e 120e est ce que ça peut passer ?"

Aucune action ne peut être prise. Il y a juste à attendre et de voir ce que ça donne, qu'est ce que ça change qu'on vous dise "ah ouais ça va être chaud" ou "nan tkt ça va le faire" ?

Avis à la population : C'EST ALÉATOIRE ! On a pas une boule de crystal, on va pas pouvoir prédire, et même si c'était le cas, qu'est-ce que vous feriez de cette info ? Vous aurez la réponse dans une semaine ou deux ! Donc oui peut être que vous serez pris, peut être que non. Peut être que vous allez gagner au loto et peut être que vous vous prendrez un bus en traversant la rue. On en sait rien.

Voilà c'est tout pour moi, je vous en prie poursuivre la PrcourSupmania

TL:DR There needs to be a sort of database of arguments to counter "data based" terfism. And if there is, could you point it out to me ? People unfortunatly need some proper evidence to fight off transphobes, that are now (stupidly) deemed a valid point of view in political debate.

Edit : I don't mean convincing the transphobes, but rather convincing the people around that transphobes don't make sense, but trans people do.

I've been the witness of multitude of debates that very quickly turned pretty sterile as far as argumentation goes. I think that one of the biggest issue the trans community faces against transphobes and particularly TERFs, is that they usually lack argumentation beyond the "people have bodily autonomy and personal freedom" which unfortunatly doesn't seem to be a no-brainer anymore in the mind of the opponent. Now, I do conceed that the "don't debate fascists" rule makes a lot of sense. However, when their logic gets to congress and various government institutions, I don't think it's possible to apply it to the T given the fact it would actively force us to ignore a good chunk of the representation.

So, in order to make the trans community look less like a cult (which it definitely isn't, but I'm getting kinda fed up with seeing these claims online), and to give young people the teeth in these kinds or arguments that are likely going to get numerous in the coming years, can't we have some data to direct them to ?

Of course, TERFs and transphobes in general are wrong. Just look at their support. Do Trump and Farage look feminist to you ? What we need in debates, is to win clean, fair and square.

Now, more specifically there are a number of points I'm sick of seeing unanswered to :

1. The elephant in the room : the bathrooms. Is there evidence showing that the "bathroom scare" is just fearmongering ? It's pretty intuitive that if anything, trans women in men's rooms are more at risk, but is there any clean way of demonstrating that ?

2. I know all trans people don't take HRT, but a lot do so I think it's fitting : How to respond to the "we don't understand clearly what taking cross-sex hormones does to the body long term" beyond simply pointing out blankly that health institutions are considering HRT safe ?

3. As a detransitionned male (for purely practical reasons, I have nothing against my time as a trans person) this one affects me from time to time : What do we actually have against blanchardism ? I'm tired of being called paraphiliac, and I'm pretty damn sure this is wrong. But I really haven't had any luck finding counters that aren't just "but... that's transphobic !" or "some institutions you don't trust think it's rubbish"

I guess it would be pretty neat if we had some argumentation.

Hi,

When you think about it, that's got to be one of the weirdest dilemmas I've had.

Here's the situation. I'm AMAB and really want to get in the army. I just want to finally feel like I'm worth something, and for this I know that getting top surgery will pretty much be a pre-requisite. I don't want to stand out too much, I don't have enough value to be allowed this. It's not much a matter of getting bullied, I'm perfectly fine with this, that's only normal I get treated for who I am.

But anyways, my huge dilemma is that getting surgery means not being to donate blood for a while, all while delaying my enlistment which is kind of a shame, cause I know me, you never what stupid project I'll get carried away with. I don't want to get too old that's all.

It's really a big deal for me. My blood is right now my only valuable contribution to humanity, it's my last purpose. I don't know if I'm willing to give it up just to better fit the mold of what a man looks like and finally become a nobody. I've battled with my ego issues for YEARS, and I'm afraid being different will drag me back to that dark place where I get ambition only to get reminded of my lesser place.

I know you people have pretty strong views on the topic, so yeah, I think I need some support.

Hi,

When you think about it, that's got to be one of the weirdest dilemmas I've had.

Here's the situation. I'm AMAB and really want to get in the army. I just want to finally feel like I'm worth something, and for this I know that getting top surgery will pretty much be a pre-requisite. I don't want to stand out too much, I don't have enough value to be allowed this. It's not much a matter of getting bullied, I'm perfectly fine with this, that's only normal I get treated for who I am.

But anyways, my huge dilemma is that getting surgery means not being to donate blood for a while, all while delaying my enlistment which is kind of a shame, cause I know me, you never what stupid project I'll get carried away with. I don't want to get too old that's all.

It's really a big deal for me. My blood is right now my only valuable contribution to humanity, it's my last purpose. I don't know if I'm willing to give it up just to better fit the mold of what a man looks like and finally become a nobody. I've battled with my ego issues for YEARS, and I'm afraid being different will drag me back to that dark place where I get ambition only to get reminded of my lesser place.

I know you people have pretty strong views on the topic, so yeah, I think I need some support.