u/latelysv

now i feel even worse. i've been suicidal for a while, genuinely thinking about writing a will or a note or something just in case i suddenly get the courage to do it. i was just talking with my mother a few hours ago when i randomly started crying and opened up a little about the fact that i've been thinking about killing myself daily, she knows i've been depressed and not doing well for a couple of months now, "what about your boyfriend? think about him" i know, he's the only reason i haven't tried to commit yet, "what about us?" you'd all be fine eventually, "no, if you do it i'll follow you" what. you can't just say that. that's awful. what the hell. "what you just told me is awful too".

i'm feeling even worse now. what the fuck. how the fuck is that supposed to help in any way, shape or form? now i'm feeling even more guilty about being suicidal, and that guilt leads to me hating myself even more. i don't want to talk to her or see her, hell, i don't even want to be in the same house as her right now. i've cried so much already and i'm so tired of everything

Yeah.

This last weekend I hung out with my boyfriend's family, we've been together for 3 and a half years.

The situation with his sister is complicated. Due to shared childhood trauma, he took on the role of caretaker for her in every emotional aspect, it didn't matter if something was stressful for him, if it accomoded her anxiety then it must be done.

For example, if he just took 10 more minutes to come. home from work because he met a friend and didn't tell her, she'd be close to a panick attack because of those 10 minutes. If me and him are having a date/hang out just the two of us and for whatever reason she wants to come with, then she must come with us or else she will cry and say he doesn't love her. The usual reason for this is that "she didn't see him all week when he was at work", they live together with their parents. He works long hours but she sees him every evening, I only see him once or twice a week. Girl, please.

He came over at my house at one point to talk about this situation, he didn't tell her he'd arrived, and she proceeded to call 7 times, at some point he told her to stop, and then cried when he got home because " he was mean to her".

He went out with his friends for the first time in a while and came home later than he usually would during a week day, around 11:30pm/12am. She kept on calling him all evening when they were having dinner, iirc she called about 10 times.

While their mom somehow understands the situation and doesn't blame him at all, their dad encourages and enables her to keep acting this way.

I've encouraged him to put boundaries and put himself first, I helped him see that this isn't healthy and during the last year he's been amazing at holding firm.

He's made a lot of progress in quite a short time and I'm so so proud of him.

During this time, it's been getting increasingly clear that she has some problems with me. We were always really friendly towards each other, she's especially affectionate, a while ago I would've thought we were close friends, so I always thought that at least she was more than okay with me, but that's not the case.

Seeing her brother putting up boundaries with her but not putting up those same boundaries with me has made her quite angry towards both him and me. During fights abour this between the two of them, she's clearly expressed jealousy towards me, saying stuff like "why do you do X for her and not for me", X being stuff like hanging out just me and him when he never hangs out with just her anymore, why is he affectionate towards me and gives me kisses unprompted but not towards her, stuff like this.

To the specific issue at hand, when we were hanging out last week, she made a few comments about my perfume. I've been wearing it since the start of our relationship and it's become my "signature scent" in bf's eyes. His sister was complimenting it all day, asking me where i bought it too.

The next day she told him she wanted to buy it for herself too, he told her she absolutely couldn't do that, and she started crying and pouting like usual. He came to me all panicky because the idea of his sister smelling like me is a nightmare and she wasn't listening.

He also has quite a lot of religious shame when it comes to anything sexual, he's worked through it a lot with me since we've been together but he's absolutely not ready to say that my perfume turns him on to anyone other than me. Due to this, and me seeing how panicked he was feeling, I offered to talk to her, I'm much more direct and comfortable than him when it comes to sexual stuff, and it's not the first time I've offered to say things like this on his behalf when she was getting pushy.

This is the first time ever that he's accepted my offer, probably because the thought of her smelling like me is so awful to him but he wasn't able to change her mind without being direct.

Sorry for the long post, I also needed to vent out my frustrations a little, but i'n asking for advice on how to do that. Cause if I'm irritated enough I might genuinely go the "when two people love each other very much..." route and I definitely don't think that's the best course of action.

TL;DR: title, bf has religious shame so I offered to talk to her to explain why that's not okay, advice on how I should do that?

Hi! The cat distribution system recently decided to bless my family with a now 3 month old kitty, and i've been noticing that he leaves a strong smell if he lays on my pillow or clothes.

It's not that bad of a stink and it kind of gets less and less strong the longer he isn't laying there, so i'm wondering if it might be him leaving his scent around and i'm just weirdly sensitive to it? Other family members don't seem to notice it.

We went to the vet a few times, he had an ear infection that's now fully cured, fleas and worms that are now gone, and as of yesterday he's also vaccinated.

He's too young so he isn't neutered yet, could that be the reason?

He doesn't seem to be dirty and he doesn't stink of urine or poop.

I'm honestly not sure if this is the right flair to use, and i'm sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.

This isn't a dramatic story, just a happy one coming from a really happy person who needs to share it :) I really enjoy being a part of Sarby's community, and i thought it would be nice to share this with y'all.

My boyfriend (21M) and me (20NB) have been together for a little over 3 years, we've both been through a lot together, he's been my rock through all of my mental breakdowns and issues, struggling with depression and social anxiety, as well as (finally now diagnosed) autism and bpd, and i've been his rock through grief, health issues and family issues too.

Life has genuinely not been easy, but i can say that i'm the happiest i've ever been at this point, and i don't know if i would be here saying this if i didn't meet him. We just work, we clicked instantly the moment we met and when we're together it still feels like the honeymoon phase hasn't ended and never will.

My family isn't abusive, but my parents are definitely emotionally immature and my older brothers are far right-wing. I've honestly felt like the odd one out since i was born, even in my own home.

As much as i love all of them, since i started uni in a nearby city and only come home for the weekend i've been so much happier. I've been fantasizing about having my own small apartment, going to and coming home from work, alone and indipendent and in a quiet home, for years and years at this point.

I thought i never had strong opinions about leaving my city. I knew i didn't want to be too close fo my family, i think i mentioned that at some point early in our relationship, but bf said he wanted to stay here since he's so close with his own family and didn't want to be far away from them. I think i just accepted that and moved on since i didn't have strong opinions on it, and that was that.

Bf's family situation unfortunately isn't good, unhealthy siblings relationship and a whole lot of favouritism.

It's a complicated situation and not my story to tell, but he's slowly been coming to terms with the unhealthiness of it and enstablishing boundaries. I'm genuinely so proud of him.

Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago, saturday night, bf was taking me back home at about 12am, he parks in my driveway and we just stay there and talk for a while like usual, he was venting about family stuff. At one point he said something along the lines of "when are you gonna be done with uni so we can get out of here?", kind of jokingly since of course he knows when i'll be done.

I kind of froze up as i suddenly felt a lot of emotions at once. The idea of getting out of here became an option out of the blue and i genuinely had no idea of how much i wanted it. We talked about it, we'd be together for more than 5 years at that point, talked about how he could apply for his dream job, firefighter, and we could go together to wherever he's sent, if that's what i wanted too, and i could get a job anywhere since compsci is needed everywhere.

We've talked about the future before, of course we did, talked about what we want in life, but we've never made this kind of concrete plan for the near future before, and i've genuinely been on cloud nine since.

A few days ago, i asked him if that's still what he wanted, making sure it wasn't just night-time talk. It still is. He's scared of the future, of course he is, i am too, but he knows he can rely on me if it gets too much, and i know i can too.

I'm just really really happy y'all :)