u/layyla4real

We are a Southern California family. We are nothing special, just hard working middle-class people.

In our family we have a cohort of cousins all about the same age and they go through life's mile stones together as well. Now they are all in their mid-30s to very early 40s. They all went to school and began their careers. Then they got married and had a baby. Each step all happened in about a 4 year period.

Most surprising to me is that they all have managed to buy a home here in Southern California in the last year. What!? I believed the press that first time home buyers were shut out of the market. What have I missed?

Just for context sake, I am in my 70s, retired, and I am a homeowner that purchased my home decades ago. So, I am both out of the job market and the home buyers market. The young home buyers are all my great nieces and nephews.

We have an unusual family situation. My BIL(65) is a drug addict. He lives with his mother (96) and she gives him whatever money he needs for his habit and misc expenses. He quietly just stays out of trouble and gets high.

At 96 MIL won't live forever and we are at a loss trying to plan ahead for BIL. The will gives all the inheritance to my husband with a very clear understanding that BIL will be taken care of for the rest of his life. My husband agreed to this and made a solemn promise to his father before he passed. Money is not the issue here.

BIL has unsavory friends who, if they knew he had a big chunk of money, would take it or unalive him and take it. Or, he'd indulge his habit and pass away. So, we can't just give him money and leave him to figure it out.

He is a bad neighbor. He has a history of being kicked out of rentals. If we bought him a condo or a house, he'd lose it somehow.

He's not living in our house. That's never going to happen. No other relatives will take him in.

His preference would be not to sell his mother's house and let him live there. That is not an option. He even suggested that we sell the house, but the new owners have to agree to let him live in a corner of the garage. Can you imagine! "OH we bought this beautiful house, but we have to let a drug addict live in the garage." No one would agree to such a thing.

I think that we should buy him a decent used camper van. He could drive it around and visit his friends, drive out to the desert or to the mountains, etc. We would deposit money into an account monthly so that it would never be too much at one time. He also qualified for SS, to he will have that money as well.

My husband isn't sure. What do you all think? Do you have any suggestions? Again, money to take care of him is not a problem.

I find that people often make assumptions about me because of my age (72). Probably my most surprising hobby is that I'm an avid Pokémon Go player and have been for 10 years. They think that it's a kid's game.

What is the surprising thing about you?

I only speak English. About 2 months ago I liked Bad Bunny's TikTok. Since then I constantly get videos in Spanish. I tried just scrolling past them. Nothing changed. Then I tried blocking every single Spanish speaking page. There has been no change. Help?

I've been to 8 weddings in the last two years. Every couple met on dating apps. It has me thinking about what I would put on my own profile, especially thinking of all the wisdom I've acquired in my life?

The last time I dates anyone was in 1994 when I was 40. In working on this question, I think of myself at that age. Even if I lost my dear husband, I know that will never date again.

Here are a few non-negotiables:

● Buying me dinner is not buying sex, ever!

● Dating is not a monogamous relationship.

● I have teenage children. They are always be my first priority.

● Do not expect to move into my home or to have access to my money.

● Do not lie to me. Whatever relationship we have will end the day you lie and I will go NC if you do.

I know that this list is VERY incomplete.

What would be on your list?

We were a generation with ideals. We were against the Vietnam War. We marched for Women's Rights. We believed in freedom. We celebrated the first Earth Day. We cared about the world being polluted. When I look at our world today, it all seems to have disappeared.

One of my biggest personal shames is my own relationship with plastics and packaging. In 1975 i knew plastic was bad. Back then I believed that a great knife would always be my most important kitchen tool. Today my most frequently used tool is a pair of scissors. I need them to cut through all the plastic packaging.

What happened to us?

As older women, most of us have probably experienced it all when it comes to sex and sexual relationships. I am not talking about techniques as much as confusing emotions tied to sex. We've all made mistakes and we've made good choices.

My advice for a younger woman is not to confuse the sheer excitement and thrill of sex with being in love. I made some bad choices thinking that because it was great sex that it must be love. Sex is a part of a healthy loving relationship, but it is not true love in and of itself.

What are your thoughts? What would be your advice

My husband and I are 71 and 73 respectively. We have some health issues and we are not as physically strong as we were in the past. Our sons have long since married and have their own homes about 25-40 minutes away depending on traffic. We live in an affluent neighborhood in a Southern California beach community. We never keep cash or expensive jewelry in the house. People who work for us all have keys. I'm talking about our housekeeper, dogwalker, handyman, and gardener. We feel very safe in our home.

Our great-nephew has recently become very concerned about safety. He is concerned that he now lives about 2 hours away and he can no longer look in on us. He's just very sweet and protective. I can't begin to tell you how many things he did for us during the Covid lock down and in the years since.

He grew up in Ohio in more of a gun culture. He wants us to buy several guns and to keep them in the house. At a minimum, he thinks we should keep a shogun by the front door because we have many deliveries in a week. I've been giving this some consideration. I'm leaning more into buying a very big dog for protection if I ever thought that I was unsafe at home.

In the past I had a Rottweiller/German Shepherd mix. She was huge at 125 lbs and most people were a little scared of her. She was devoted to me. I knew that I had nothing to worry about.

Which would you choose? Would you buy a gun? Would you buy a protection dog? Maybe both?

As an older person, do you feel safe in your home?