u/lifegavemelemons000

I have a wonderful daughter (20 months) and a beautiful son (1 month) and post partum blues have got to me especially considering I know this was my last pregnancy and my last newborn and now last baby… I feel really happy to have one boy and one girl and my daughter took to her brother so well I was expecting there to be jealousy etc. but she’s been such a loving and caring toddler to her brother! That being said, I feel slight guilt for not giving her a sister - I have a sister and I’m super close to her even though we weren’t close growing up! I wonder if I had a third at some point (and not any time soon of course!) then they could experience a brother - brother bond or a sister - sister bond. I’ve not known any strong brother and sister bonds and only hear through close friends and family that they simply do not get along with their sibling of the opposite gender. Some female friends who have had only brothers have told me growing up they wished they had a sister so this makes me feel guilt for my daughter. Saying that, I know in the future cannot even predict what baby we will have and might end up having another boy if we tried! But even then I think our son experiencing a brother bond would be lovely too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way and wondering if others thought about this? I’ve started to put together all the newborn clothes my son has outgrown now to sell off so it feels like the decision to only have two has already been made in this way and maybe that is why I’m feeling this way it feels more final.

My baby’s tummy has been growing significantly in the 93rd percentile and I’m in my 38th week of pregnancy. Have been monitored since 20w since my scan showed increased Doppler (UAD). I did my glucose test at 28w and 34w and both normal. I think had a scan at 36w and baby’s tummy size jumped so that’s why they have asked me to monitor my bloods. Yesterday’s bloods completely normal but today before breakfast and 1 hr after lunch my levels were 0.5 over the ‘normal’ limit so starting to worry but can only contact my midwives on Monday so got to go through the evening and tomorrow. Any advice or thoughts anyone else can share on this?

Sending this to the void to someone who might understand how I feel today. On this day a year ago my dad passed away aged 61. Feel mixed emotions on the year of his first anniversary. He drank excessively towards the last few years of his life and pushed us all away. We got off the merry go round thinking he would fix his life but it just got worse and we couldn’t help him. I was 7 months postpartum at the time and it felt surreal receiving the phone call from my mum to say she went to check on him (though they were separated (she still cared from a distance to keep her mental health sane) and she told me he had passed away and the police were there. I went immediately. After several hours I got to see him lying in his house lifeless but finally looking at peace 🙏 doesn’t feel real and wish things were different. Wish I had the dad I deserved. I wish my daughter had the grandfather she deserved. I wish my future child who’ll be with us next month, got the grandfather they deserved too. It’s not fair. Such is life. Just have to get through the waves of emotions today.

Left a friendship group over 5 years ago and very content with my decision of not being friends with people who don’t align to my values and morals (putting other women down, not supporting each others achievements, just not being kind overall and being judgemental instead!) now I’m a mother and absolutely love being a mum and found my purpose in life! I joined my local parent WhatsApp group and saw that one of my ex-friends got added to it as she had a baby. I feel weird about it now and my husband has said just see her as yet another mum in that large group and I don’t need to engage with her. It’s hard because she caused me a lot of trauma and I always felt anxious before I’d meet up with her and now I feel anxious to interact in the group. I don’t want to leave the group and I know at the end of the day she won’t and can’t do anything to me anymore. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did you do?

Since being pregnant with my second where my first and second will be 20 months apart… the amount of people who congratulate me then proceed to say ‘you are mad!’ … or some other judgemental comments… has taken me by surprise! I had one older lady come up to me as my bump was visible and started talking all friendly as she had her grandchild with her and then when she asked when I was due and i replied… she said ‘you mad mad mad mad woman’ and not in a complimentary way (despite the fact my husband was right next to me.. why do women get the brunt of judgemental comments like it’s our fault? Isn’t he also mad too? Many others who have spoken to us often make a comment to me and then just congratulate my husband…! Just don’t understand it!)… then another mum in our antenatal group recently said the same after asking when I was due. WHAT IS PEOPLES ISSUE?! It’s not like they have to raise my child. It took us several years to conceive our first with a lot of fertility issues and a miscarriage. So we started trying when our daughter was close to 1 thinking it would take several more years to fall pregnant with another child and I’m so grateful it worked first time!! (The torture of the TWW every month the first time round was what I was dreading when TTC our second child but so grateful we didn’t have to go through secondary infertility which I was preparing for!) I have a great support system and a husband who makes it a breeze raising our daughter and know we will work well as a team when the next one comes along!

I just find such judgemental comments from others can land heavy especially if the person doesn’t truly understand the fertility journey you have had to go on. Has anyone else experienced stupid comments from other people and how do you respond? I’ve now started advocating better for myself and I will say I don’t appreciate XYZ comments when I’ve chosen to grow my family and ask for positive and supportive comments going forward!