u/lm0300

Hi there!

I am 26F and I need some help/advices :)

A few years ago, when I was a student, I went through something strange. I was doing an internship, and right from the start, my supervisor made it clear that I was his submissive and that he was my dominant. It wasn't just about sex; it was about total submission. He raped me and constructed an entire world around me where I was his soulmate... So, we had a "relationship"—if you can call it that. Even if he had a wife and children...

Lucky him, it seems that I was the perfect target, because I fell in love with him despite everything. Looking back (about five years later), I still wonder how it could have happened. He manipulated me, but in such an unconvincing way that I feel stupid. And it happened so fast—as if he hadn't hesitated because he knew that with me, everything would be okay. And he was right.

I’ve felt a lot of shame about it ever since, but it’s as if he still has a hold on me... I find myself wanting to be even more submissive and abused in that same way, telling myself it’s my destiny. I struggle to remember how I felt before, but given the twisted things I experienced in that relationship, I imagine it might have been "in me" all along. Now, I can't seem to make a normal relationship work. I’m constantly torn between suspicion and masochism... Paradoxically, the idea of ​​being abused feels familiar and safe to me, whereas concepts like freedom, respect, and so on don't really make sense to me...

I’ve tried therapy, medication, EMDR... Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you so much. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hi there,

Maybe some of you have been through this.

Let me explain: I’m in love with someone (my ex), but I keep realizing that what keeps me in love isn't necessarily based on reality... Right now, he’s distant and rather cold. I don't particularly enjoy interacting with him, even though there’s a conflict in my mind about it. But when it comes to our memories, it’s even worse. The reason I don't cut ties is that I remember moments of intense connection and genuine love.

Yet, if I really focus, I’m actually not so sure. I put so much effort into getting what I considered to be love—so yes, of course, at times he was sweet and all that—but without my pushing, I think it’s fair to say he was always emotionally and intellectually very distant from me. In other words, I don't feel we have that much natural chemistry.

Breaking out of this denial about the "deep love" is very painful, because I believe in the idea of ​​the "love of one's life" and so on. I suppose it allowed me to escape the void. So, I’m constantly going back and forth.

How can I stop operating this way, or at least manage it? Thank you!

Hello, I’m writing this because I feel like I’m slipping back into a cycle—or realizing I never actually got out of it. I’ve managed to avoid a crisis (self-harm, hair-pulling, etc.—I don't do that anymore), but the suicidal urges have been intense.

For context: I was with my ex (my favorite person in the world) for three and a half years, and from the very beginning, it was just a constant pattern of leaving and coming back, leaving and coming back. I love him, but the relationship causes me so much pain; for me, it’s a huge trauma trigger. The fear of abandonment was overwhelming because I never thought I could get so attached to anyone. In the end, I managed to leave a year ago because it had become a matter of survival for me (and he was exhausted, too).

I held firm—mostly—but I saw him again a few months ago, and the attachment came back even stronger. However, he didn't want to get back together, so I eventually walked away. I was convinced I could stay strong, but then I cracked and sent him a message. I wanted to apologize for leaving again, but isn't doing that just even more toxic?

I want so badly for him to feel loved, but the way I love him is so unhealthy because I’m extremely unstable... Every time, I want to do things right, to be normal and healthy, but—damn it—I do the exact opposite; it’s madness.

Is there anyone here who is—or has been—in the same situation? Because, honestly, I feel a bit hopeless... Thank you so much !!!

Hi there, I spent about three and a half years with my ex; I loved him—and still love him—more than anything in the world. However, the fear of not being "enough" of this or that—or conversely, being "too much"—combined with my past traumas, caused me to act irrationally toward him. It was my first real relationship, and I wanted everything to be perfect, but I was lost and didn't really understand what a normal relationship looked like.

I should mention that I opened up to him early on about my disorder and my traumas—perhaps a bit too much, but I felt safe enough to drop the mask. I also wanted to explain the reasons behind the uncontrollable episodes I used to have back then.

With hindsight and personal work, I’ve come to realize all this; I tried to make amends by being more compliant, but I eventually understood that the relationship couldn't be saved. He seems to have forgiven me for everything, even though it destroyed our relationship—in a way, I almost wish he hated me...

I finally had to cut ties recently so I could move forward (it seems I loved him more than he loved me), but the guilt is overwhelming. I want to shower him with peace and love so he never has to be hurt again, but I can't do that without sacrificing myself. I think he’s simply better off without me...

How do I accept that I was cruel to the only man who never abused me? How can I forgive myself and move on? Thank you so much in advance. <3