u/lollipopwhitney

I've been off work for a few years, due ending up traumatising myself over and over again and luckily I'm having a government help whilist I'm looking after my health. Eventually doing small jobs like dog sitting, fixing stuffs, artwork etc...

However, I told myself that I was going back to work this year and I feel that I might not.

I was in a very high dose of adhd meds and things were going well, but due my recent top 5 trauma, Ive develop psychosis and the adhd meds turn things worse.

The devil on my shoulders says: You are a lazy bitch and has always somehow depended on someone financially, there's so many fucked up people who are funcional somehow, how can't you? Are you using this as an excuse to have a 'easy' life?

The angel says: You worked hard your whole life to not ending up like your addicted crackhead parents. You work hard everyday to despise everything you have been through, you still a kind and honest human being. Considering all things that has happened to you actually deserve having a 'easy' life not working and you know that you won't be able to deal the stress of having a secure income working when you know deep down that keeping yourself alive is a full time job.

I've met a girl in a social event once that she's was telling everyone that she's not working because of her health issues. I felt so proud of her for not giving a shit. But I can't do it to myself.

I've been off work for a few years, due ending up traumatising myself over and over again and luckily I'm having a government help whilist I'm looking after my health. Eventually doing small jobs like dog sitting, fixing stuffs, artwork etc...

However, I told myself that I was going back to work this year and I feel that I might not.

I was in a very high dose of adhd meds and things were going well, but due my recent top 5 trauma, Ive develop psychosis and the adhd meds turn things worse.

The devil on my shoulders says: You are a lazy bitch and has always somehow depended on someone financially, there's so many fucked up people who are funcional somehow, how can't you? Are you using this as an excuse to have a 'easy' life?

The angel says: You worked hard your whole life to not ending up like your addicted crackhead parents. You work hard everyday to despise everything you have been through, you still a kind and honest human being. Considering all things that has happened to you actually deserve having a 'easy' life not working and you know that you won't be able to deal the stress of having a secure income working when you know deep down that keeping yourself alive is a full time job.

I've met a girl in a social event once that she's was telling everyone that she's not working because of her health issues. I felt so proud of her for not giving a shit. But I can't do it to myself.

I've been off work for a few years, due ending up traumatising myself over and over again and luckily I'm having a government help whilist I'm looking after my health. Eventually doing small jobs like dog sitting, fixing stuffs, artwork etc...

However, I told myself that I was going back to work this year and I feel that I might not.

I was in a very high dose of adhd meds and things were going well, but due my recent top 5 trauma, Ive develop psychosis and the adhd meds turn things worse.

The devil on my shoulders says: You are a lazy bitch and has always somehow depended on someone financially, there's so many fucked up people who are funcional somehow, how can't you? Are you using this as an excuse to have a 'easy' life?

The angel says: You worked hard your whole life to not ending up like your addicted crackhead parents. You work hard everyday to despise everything you have been through, you still a kind and honest human being. Considering all things that has happened to you actually deserve having a 'easy' life not working and you know that you won't be able to deal the stress of having a secure income working when you know deep down that keeping yourself alive is a full time job.

I've met a girl in a social event once that she's was telling everyone that she's not working because of her health issues. I felt so proud of her for not giving a shit. But I can't do it to myself.

I've been off work for a few years, due ending up traumatising myself over and over again and luckily I'm having a government help whilist I'm looking after my health. Eventually doing small jobs like dog sitting, fixing stuffs, artwork etc...

However, I told myself that I was going back to work this year and I feel that I might not.

I was in a very high dose of adhd meds and things were going well, but due my recent top 5 trauma, Ive develop psychosis and the adhd meds turn things worse.

The devil on my shoulders says: You are a lazy bitch and has always somehow depended on someone financially, there's so many fucked up people who are funcional somehow, how can't you? Are you using this as an excuse to have a 'easy' life?

The angel says: You worked hard your whole life to not ending up like your addicted crackhead parents. You work hard everyday to despise everything you have been through, you still a kind and honest human being. Considering all things that has happened to you actually deserve having a 'easy' life not working and you know that you won't be able to deal the stress of having a secure income working when you know deep down that keeping yourself alive is a full time job.

I've met a girl in a social event once that she's was telling everyone that she's not working because of her health issues. I felt so proud of her for not giving a shit. But I can't do it to myself.

Hey, I wonder if anyone has asked for help to a charity regarding needing temporary foster care for their dogs due a mental health crisis.

I'm considering doing it and I'm willing to pay as well.

However my biggest concern is when I get better I want to make sure I will get my dogs back, so maybe a charity could be a safe option?

Thanks, stay safe everyone

I started therapy when I was 7yo and antidepressants when I was 15yo when I was diagnosed with depression. 

I had psychoanalysis for 6 years with a psychologist who kindly treated me pro bono.

I tried multiple antidepressants and mood stabilisers, including Lithium, prescribed by my therapist. 

I have also put a lot of effort into getting better as for example not drinking alcohol or using any type of drugs like my parents, eating healthy, doing exercises, trying to socialise. 

After moving to the UK, I've been in touch with several mental health practitioners, where I had to tell over and over about my traumas to the end.They say that they can't help me or send me to a different practitioner who ends up doing the same (I might have around 15 discharged letters) 

My life had a big improvement after taking the adhd medications but still, in the past three years I've tried to finishing things 3 times and I feel like each time I'm getting closer and that's scares me because I don't want to die, I just want to stop the pain. 

I've seen that there's few options to treat persistent depression at the NHS, I'm getting a little bit of money soon and I was thinking about using it to go private to try an alternative treatment because I need help ASAP.

Any suggestions?

Thank you.