u/lostinspace896

Ok so my best friend passed away while we were both in college about 9 years ago now. She was very important to me and I still haven’t fully gotten over her death. Over the years I’ve named/done some stuff after her like gamertags, wearing a ring etc

Her name was Tanner and I usually shorten it to Tan

Today my gf and I were driving and she noticed, apparently for the first time, that my Spotify name was named Tan. She asked if this was also named after Tanner and I said yes. She got kinda quiet and finally told me it’s not healthy to keep all these memories of Tanner. I said I’m still struggling to fully process her passing and small things like this help me. She said it feels like I’m prioritizing her less, that things like this (names, jewelry) should be between her/me and not me/Tanner.

I got really defensive and angry after that so I just canceled our plans and dropped her home at which point she said I ruined the day.

Am I the ahole? Do I prioritize the wrong person?

Years before she met me, she underwent spinal surgery in July and ofc the whole ordeal was very traumatic and emotional for her. She dubbed the day a “2nd bday”, like being reborn. When she told me about this, I decided to make each anniversary special for her so I made a card and had it scheduled to send for July 2nd via email. I was going to change the message every year but the sentiment would remain the same. I had this all set up back in December. This year would’ve been the first time.

Unfortunately we broke up a couple months ago. It was super messy and we both agreed to go no contact. Yesterday I got a really angry text from her asking wtf I was thinking. I’m like I don’t know what you’re talking about? She said “your email asshole” and accused me of deliberately breaking no contact to try and get back in her life. I went through my email and realized I had forgotten about the scheduled email. I immediately apologized and let her know I had honestly forgotten I had set that up and was in no way trying to get in contact with her and it wouldn’t happen again. She didn’t believe me and threatened to “report me to my work for stalking”.

I haven’t responded anything back since but AITA here?